


fight just a little

by ICarryYourHeart, logictron



Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Fluff, Girls Kissing, Girls with Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Knives, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, learning how to do relationships, with a little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-05-10 05:35:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 48,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14730932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICarryYourHeart/pseuds/ICarryYourHeart, https://archiveofourown.org/users/logictron/pseuds/logictron
Summary: Quietly, Hannah keeps track of Cassie. It’s nothing that distracts from work, and it’s nothing that she’s not allowed to be doing. She just checks on her whereabouts periodically. There’s just something about Cassie’s case, her story, that makes Hannah feel strangely protective of her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, yeah, this fandom is sorely lacking in the lady love department so. Here we go. J and I decided to frolic into RP-land and then it was 40 pages long and not done and we figured maybe we should share it. So this is a thing. This starts shortly after Moscow Rules and will continue through the finale, though it's way more focused on Hannah and Cassie's relationship than on the DIA side of things. Rating subject to change (aka there will probably be smut eventually).
> 
> Title is part of She Used to be Mine which is...a very appropriate song for both of these characters. Minus the baby/baking parts. Haha.
> 
> Thanks to UndercoverWaterMoon for the beta!! :)

Quietly, Hannah keeps track of Cassie. It’s nothing that distracts from work, and it’s nothing that she’s not allowed to be doing. She just checks on her whereabouts periodically. There’s just something about Cassie’s case, her story, that makes Hannah feel strangely protective of her.

She’s not quite sure what to do when Cassie’s location changes from Germany to Bethesda, a stone’s throw from the DIA building in DC.After stewing for a day or two, Hannah opts for flowers and a visit. She reasons it’s exactly what she would’ve wanted--someone who knows what it’s like to show up and say look, I’m here, you’re going to be okay. 

Her badge gets her access, no problem, but Hannah lingers outside the door with her cheerful mixed bouquet, strangely nervous. Cassie has no idea who she is, and as much as Hannah sees their similarities on a professional level, there’s nothing to say Cassie will see things the same way.

Admonishing herself for thinking too hard about a simple, kind gesture, Hannah knocks lightly on the door just as a doctor is exiting.

“Oh,” he announces. “You have company. How nice.” He smiles and ushers Hannah inside before departing.

No turning back now. Hannah steps into the room, smiling, because it’s her default to be warm and welcoming, even when she’s unsure. She’d spent her entire childhood learning to do exactly that.

“Hi. Um, you don’t know me, but my name is Hannah Rivera. I work with Noah. Morgenthau? At the DIA. We were on your case,” she explains, fumbling a bit, because Cassie is really very pretty for someone who was shot and in a pretty gnarly helicopter crash less than 5 days ago.

From the moment the doctor had announced the visitor, Cassie’s muscles had tensed, but she allows herself to slowly relax as she takes in the striking brunette. Ingrained habit has her mentally cataloguing every detail. She’s dressed as a consultant, with the badge to match, but her walk isn’t the walk of someone who’s spent a lot of time in the office. Scars peek from from her collar and slice up her neck, and Cassie lets her eyes travel the length of them before resting on her eyes. 

She’s not sure why the woman is standing in front of her clutching a bouquet of flowers, and she runs through possibilities even as she lets her lips curve in a professional smile. 

Cassie’s always been good at reading people, and she goes with her gut, matching Hannah’s warmth with the careful friendliness reserved for those who pose no threat to her. 

“Noah? Looks like he’s got friends in lots of places these days.” She says carefully, keeping her voice steady even as the gunshot wound at her hip begins to burn with pain again. 

“I just...I don't think there are many people who get it,” Hannah says, because it doesn't seem like Cassie is one to appreciate beating around the bush. 

“The career you thought for yourself, disappearing. I was like you, once. I mean, in the field.” 

Her fingers rub absently over her scar. 

“And then, well. Everything went to hell.” She can laugh a bit about it now. It's still raw, it still hurts, but she's figuring it out. “Anyway, I wanted to bring you these and...let you know, I'm willing to listen. If you want to talk. To someone who isn't a therapist or a civilian.”

Well that’s unexpected. Cassie lets the cordial smile drop from her face and stares at the woman in front of her. There’s a story behind those scars. She doesn’t miss the little flash of pain in Hannah’s eyes as her fingers trace the blemish on her neck. 

That, more than the sympathetic words, eases her suspicions. Nodding, she clears her throat. 

“Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind,” Cassie says, and she’s a little surprised at herself. 

She’s still not sure if she’ll take Hannah up on her offer, but she’s not willing to dismiss it just yet. A swirl of panic has been lodged in her chest ever since the orders for the desk job appeared. It feels like the identity she’s crafted for herself has suddenly shifted, and that, plus the sudden loss of nearly everyone she cares about, has her teetering on the edge of panic

“How are you doing?” Hannah asks quietly, setting the flowers on the windowsill. She can tell from the slight tension in Cassie’s frame that she's hurting. It reminds her of her own recovery, of refusing meds because the pain was at least something. “I mean, honestly. I'd guess they're letting you out of here pretty soon?” All things considered, Cassie’s in decent enough shape. Bullet wounds heal. Knowing your whole life is changing is a harder pill to swallow.

Again, Hannah’s actions are a bit of a surprise. Cassie had been expecting her to drop off the flowers and leave. But here she is. 

“Doctor said I should be released in a day or so.” Cassie says, shifting to try and ease the pressure off her hip. She briefly considers ignoring the first question, but decides that if her life is going to change maybe a friend wouldn’t be so bad. 

“As for how I’m doing? I’m not sure.” Looks like honesty is going to win out today. 

“It gets harder.” They aren’t the words she wants to be able to say--she wants to tell Cassie everything will be fine, that her hardest days are behind her, that it’s all smooth sailing from here--but they’re the truth. “When you leave here...things are going to suck for a while.”

Hannah sinks into the chair next to Cassie’s bed, figuring that, if the woman hasn’t asked her to leave yet, she’s not exactly unwelcome here.

“Are you staying in the area?” An unfamiliar feeling crops up in Hannah’s stomach at the thought of Cassie leaving. It’s something akin to anxiety, and she has no idea what to make of that.

Cassie smiles. She appreciates the honesty, and it makes her like Hannah even more. 

“For once in my life, I don’t have the next six months planned out,” she shifts to glance at the envelope sitting on the bedside table. 

“Although those papers say I’m sticking around for a while, there's a spot open at headquarters, and looks like I’m the perfect candidate”. The last part comes out a little more bitter than she intended. 

“From what Noah says, you’re the perfect candidate for most things,” Hannah replies. The smile she garners feels like a win. “I don’t make hospital visits to all our recovered targets, you know.” She means it to be a friendly taunt, or at least, that’s what she thinks she meant it as, but it comes out just short of flirty instead, and Hannah ducks her head so she can school her expression. There are lines here she has no business crossing. Her own, the agency’s, probably Cassie’s too.

Cassie pauses. For the smallest moment she thinks there is a flirty undertone there, but she shakes it off. Cool it, Connor, she tells herself. But now the thought is there, and she can’t help but focus just a little more on how pretty Hannah’s hair is. She spends several long seconds staring before collecting herself. 

“I’m flattered,” Cassie says easily, keeping her tone friendly. 

“So, Hannah. You know any reasonable places to live around here? Hotel living might be off the table if I’m sticking around.” 

“Depends where you’re looking but I did just get a place, so I know my way around the market a little bit, if you want help finding something. It’s weird, having a place...one that’s mine and not a cover,” Hannah admits, grateful when Cassie lets her flirty comment slide, though she swears the other woman’s gaze lingers. “I slept on my couch for a long time. I don’t recommend doing that. Pretty sure I’m solely responsible for keeping my chiropractor in business.”

Hannah wishes, suddenly, that she’d worn something more comfortable, that she hadn’t come here from the office. She feels too formal in her silk blouse and designer dress pants. Spilling these parts of herself to Cassie, asking her to do the same, calls for something more relaxed.

Cassie smiles at her statement. There’s a small twinge of recognition in that, humor to cover up the hurt. Maybe that’s what eases her. 

“Home? Don’t think I’ve called anyplace that in a while,” Cassie says before she can stop herself. It’s a little too easy to speak to Hannah, and years of checking every corner and being suspicious of everyone she meets makes her cautious. She fiddles with the medical tape keeping the IV anchored in her arm. 

“I would appreciate the help, and I know a great place to grab lunch. As a thank you,” Cassie adds. 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Hannah says quickly. “But, I wouldn’t object to lunch. I’m still...figuring out how to do things that aren’t work?” She watches Cassie pick at the tape on the back of her hand and rubs her own reflexively. “Do you have people here? I only ask because I can come back? When you get discharged, I mean. Paying for an Uber from here will cost you a year’s salary. I’m not nearly that expensive.” 

The flirting tone creeps back in and Hannah huffs quietly at herself. This is a testament to exactly how long it’s been since she’s been out, since she’s done anything beyond a quick dinner at the diner with Noah, or drinks with a few of the other techs after a long day.

Cassie snorts out a laugh, and it pulls at her side, but she doesn’t care. 

“I don’t know, I’d pay top dollar for you,” she says, and it feels just a little like living as she shoots Hannah a quick wink. 

It’s probably a terrible idea, but anything to distract her from the pain that is currently sending shockwaves up her side. The button to deliver another dose of pain meds is inches away, but she ignores it. The pain distracts her from the reality she’s not ready to face. She doesn’t have people, didn’t think to get people outside the job. Now her only people are flying home in flag draped coffins. 

Cassie pushes the thought away because she’s not ready to let the grief come. She lets out a slight involuntary groan at the ache and leans her head back. 

“I... yeah. I could use a ride. Thank you, Hannah.” Cassie’s voice is a little rough with pain, and she reaches for the lukewarm cup of water and sips. 

The way Cassie volleys back and forth with her makes Hannah’s stomach flutter in a way she’s forgotten about entirely. But the feeling dissipates seconds later as she watches Cassie wrestle with her discomfort. Hannah wants to provide her with something hopeful, something useful, but she has nothing of value. She’d subjected herself to the same suffering for the same reasons, and nothing anyone could’ve told her would’ve changed that.

“Top dollar, huh? I’ll keep that in mind when I send you your invoice,” she says instead.

Out of restlessness, because sitting with other people’s emotional discomfort wears on her after a while, Hannah reaches for the hospital-grade thermos that’s just out of Cassie’s reach and refills the cup for her.

“Jaz was right, you know. You are a badass. I know, that’s pretty meaningless right now, but it’s true. I’ve seen a lot of tough people but...You’re something.” It makes her reflect, strangely, on her own strength, and Hannah feels a little bit proud of herself.

Tough? It feels like a facade that will come crashing down at any moment. Cassie gratefully takes the cup of cool water, and she’s a little embarrassed to feel the sting of emotion behind her eyes. People being nice to her always makes her feel a bit too vulnerable. 

Cassie breathes through the pain for a moment as the room remains silent. 

“Badass? That’s a compliment coming from her,” Cassie says, and then nods at Hannah, “from you too.” 

She means it. Those aren’t small scars, and although Hannah hasn’t lost the instincts honed in the field, she doesn’t have the jumpy nature of someone forced behind a desk. Cassie wonders if she’ll ever be strong enough to manage that kind of acceptance. 

So, Cassie doesn’t see it yet. Hannah understands that almost too well.

“We mean it. Both of us.” She reaches automatically for Cassie’s hand on the tray, covering it with her own. “Being strong doesn’t mean not hurting. It doesn’t mean not waking up in the morning and wishing everything was a dream...that you could just go back to bed and wake up in your old life. It doesn’t mean not thinking about how much easier it would be if you could just...stop everything. Just for a second, just to catch your breath. It means you get through it and you do it anyway.”

The touch anchors her, and Cassie swallows at Hannah’s words. They hit too close to home, and she finds herself slipping on the mask of cool collected Cassie, the Cassie that isn’t mourning over lost friends who had become a little too much like family. 

She can’t come up with a reply, she’s too tired to think of some comeback to act like those words hadn’t just touched her, so she turns the hand Hannah is holding and squeezes the slender fingers lightly. 

Cassie jabs angrily at the button to release the pain meds, and waits for the numbness to settle in. It feels a little like giving up. 

When Cassie accepts her touch, Hannah takes it as a win. She’s far too used to people shutting down, pulling away. She knows what it means that Cassie doesn’t.

“You hurting doesn’t fix anything,” Hannah whispers, watching the pain in Cassie’s face shift to something closer to despair and self-loathing. “Taking the help doesn’t make you weak.”

A nurse materializes, seemingly from nowhere, and Hannah startles. She’s used to being aware of her surroundings, but she’s poured so much attention into Cassie, everything else has just blurred out.

“Visiting hours are finishing up, I’m afraid,” she announces.

Hannah nods and straightens, her hand finally slipping from Cassie’s. She digs in her purse for a pen and scribbles her cell on a napkin.

“Call? Anytime. Seriously. It’s not like I keep any sort of schedule.” She wants to say the middle of the night gets hard, that it’s lonely and it takes a while to get used to, but the nurse is still there, checking Cassie’s stats and her IV, so Hannah keeps quiet. “It was...really nice to meet you. I look forward to chauffeuring you around.”

Cassie stares at the number for a long time after Hannah and the nurse leave. Part of her wants to crumple the napkin up and toss it across the room. Not because Hannah upset her, but because it hurt to want to let someone else in so soon after she lost a part of her heart. They’d told her not to make connections, to keep people at arms length. It was the only way to stay sane in this job. 

She feels a little woozy from the pain meds and leans her head back against the pillow. Tears track slowly down her face. She doesn’t want to see their faces. It hurts to remember them, but it hurts even more to try and forget them, so she allows their faces to bloom in her mind. In her memories she relives the sound of their voices and the way their laughter used to ring out. There’s this big empty space in her and she has nothing but time to fill it with. There isn’t a mission, or a cover to slip into, to get away from it all. 

Cassie feels herself begin to panic, and that prompts her to pull back on her racing thoughts. She’s been trained for this. To talk herself through fear, real or imagined. A combination of willpower and most likely the hefty dose of pain meds make it so that she falls into a fitful sleep. 

\--------------------------------------------- 

It’s three days later when Cassie is sitting on the floor of the hotel room staring at Hannah’s name on her phone. It’s just past one in the morning, and Cassie has fallen into such a desperate state she’s pulled up the number and is staring at the screen, praying this feeling goes away. 

All attempts to fix herself have failed, and Hannah’s words replay in her head. Taking the help doesn’t make you weak. 

Cassie stares at the time and hits call before she can lose her nerve. 

Hannah’s just getting into bed when the phone rings. She's still trying to wrap her mind around knowing Urzua is dead.That today, he'd drawn his last breath. It doesn't feel real.

She sighs when the phone rings, sure it's an emergency work call, and she's just so tired. But there's an unfamiliar number lighting up her screen and her brow furrows. Cassie? She doesn't let herself hope.

“Hello?” 

Cassie almost bursts into tears right there. It’s the only familiar voice she’s heard in days, and she bites down on her lip to steady her voice. 

“You said to call, if-“ Cassie swallows because her voice is shaking. 

“I. God, sorry it’s Cassie. From the hospital. I am so sorry it’s late. I still owe you that lunch. Um, which can be discussed at another time.” Cassie closes her eyes. That’s the way to do it Connor, ramble at the woman at 1am. She thinks sarcastically.

“Hey, of course. Don't worry about it. I'm glad you called.” Hannah can't help smiling a little despite the obvious tension in Cassie’s voice. She called. It's something. It's a hell of a lot more than Hannah had given at this stage. “Are you okay? I mean, safe? Do you need me to come there?” She stands next to her bed, staring blankly at the bedspread, focused on Cassie’s voice, her breathing.

The first step towards healing is coming to terms with the fact that you’re broken.

That’s what the shrink had said to her yesterday. The man in the pressed suit had been calm, logical, and completely devoid of emotion. It had been exactly the sort of person who had worked for her before. But now the panicky feeling wouldn’t subside, and all she could remember was Hannah with her soft eyes and steely strength. 

“Please, I can't be alone anymore.” It takes all her strength to admit it. 

“Okay.” Hannah’s already halfway to the door. “I'll be there soon. It's gonna be okay, Cassie. I'm right here.” She knows, once the feelings start, getting them to stop is almost impossible. And being caught up in that is both isolating and overwhelming.

She stays on the phone, murmuring reassurances, as she gets back in her car and makes her way back toward 95. Traffic is thankfully nonexistent at this point in the night, and Hannah decides she'll deal with the cops if it comes to that. She rides close to triple digits the whole way.

Hannah only pockets her phone once she’s standing outside the door of Cassie’s hotel room, the damp fall air still clinging to her.

Cassie opens the door the moment Hannah disconnects the phone, and there’s this woosh of relief at the familiar face. Cassie’s gaze travels over her, and she restrains the urge to wrap her arms around her. Craving touch had never been something she experienced, until steady fingers had curled around hers in a hospital room. 

She steps back, slightly embarrassed as she catches her reflection in the mirror. Dark, wild eyes stand out against her pale skin, and her hair is falling out of the loose ponytail. The bed is a mess of tangled sheets and there’s an unopened bottle of pain meds still on the ground where she’d thrown it earlier. 

“Thanks for coming,” Cassie says. 

“I meant what I said. I'm glad you called,” Hannah replies, taking stock of Cassie, who looks suitably wrought and in pain. Two steps forward, one step back. “I'll stay as long as you need. What can I do? Listen? Talk? When did you eat last?” She draws herself up short then, realizing the barrage of questions is likely unhelpful. “Sorry. I'm...I'm still trying to learn not to approach everything like a mission.” Her cheeks flush and her fingers twitch at her sides, anxious for action of some sort. Any sort.

Cassie laughs at that, relieved she’s not the only one at a loss here. It throws her slightly, that someone would care this much about someone they’ve met mere days ago. It touches a soft spot in her before she can prevent it. 

“You mean that’s supposed to stop?” She asks lightly, wincing a little as the bandage on her side pulls. 

“Food,” she adds, picking up the phone and dialing the pizza place down the street.  
“You down for pizza at one in the morning?” she glances back at Hannah and takes a second to marvel at just how gorgeous she is. That really shouldn’t be humanly possible.  
“Any opinion on toppings?” 

The act of doing something besides sitting around fighting her demons adds a little spurt of unexpected energy. She knows she’s unstable, she can feel herself moving a little jerkily, but she’s not alone, and maybe putting on a brave face will make it feel like she’s actually back to normal again. 

Watching her makes Hannah’s chest ache. Again, there are things she wants to say, but they're things Cassie’s not ready to hear, or things Hannah doesn't have words for. So she settles for being here because that, she can do.

“I will literally eat anything except anchovies,” she says, setting down her things on an empty chair. “And I am always down for pizza, regardless of the time.” 

There's not just a little irony in realizing she forgot to eat dinner tonight. She'd been so exhausted, so fixated on getting home. 

Snagging the pill bottle off the floor, Hannah sets it on the nightstand, fighting the urge to offer it to Cassie, who, she decides, looks prettier now. A little less pale. Definitely more raw, but that just endears Hannah to her more. What she wants to do is hug Cassie, because physical comfort is something Hannah’s always known. But maybe Cassie hasn't. The thought makes Hannah ache all over again.

Cassie eyes the pill bottle as she calls the pizza place. It’s silly, but she’s a little afraid of letting the physical pain go. It feels like it’s the only thing anchoring her to... something… sanity maybe. 

She settles on the couch and gestures for Hannah to join her. 

“There’s water and some sort of weird health juice in there. The health juice I do not recommend, it kind of tastes like grass, which is the price to pay for getting vitamins in your body I guess.” 

Cassie glances up at Hannah and feels a little twinge of guilt as she notices the weariness around her eyes. 

“Tough day at the office?” she asks. 

Hannah settles, pulling a pillow into her lap, toying with the seam. It gives her something to do, physically, which helps. She breathes, suddenly remembering her own day. The pain edges deeper now and she forces a swallow around the small lump in her throat.

“I...don't know? I feel like my answer should be no. But, yeah. It was...a day.” Her fingers still and she breathes again, in through her nose, out through her mouth--and then she looks up at Cassie. Sharing pain goes both ways. She's not trying to be a hero here. 

“The guy who decided I was better off dead? The one whose cronies sliced me up on the side of the road? He died today.” It still feels weird to say. 

“Shit,” Cassie breathes. Her eyes remain on Hannah’s. To glance down at the scars now feels wrong, even though that’s all she can think about. Her brain is already trying to piece together a story from the small part she’s given, but she lets it go. This isn’t an interrogation. The other woman’s pain is evident, and Cassie feels a pull towards her. 

“How did it happen, his death?” She asks, and then shakes her head, “and you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” Cassie qualifies. 

She knows she hasn’t been open herself, but it’s because she doesn’t exactly know how to. 

“Happenstance? Fate?” Hannah pauses and shakes her head. “No, that's not entirely accurate. I made a call. The wrong call. And my team...the ones who rescued you? They stepped up to the plate. So, a little grace, maybe, is the right answer.” The high of a mission successfully completed echoes in her bones and Hannah relishes it, finds herself smiling, even. It won't last, but for now, it's here.

“We set him up. His own guys took him out. Shot him. That's what you really want to know.” Because there's something in Cassie that Hannah recognizes, a kind of camaraderie she rarely finds. “I wish it'd been me.”

Cassie nods and swallows hard as she reaches out to cover Hannah’s fiddling hand with her own. She knows how the desire for revenge can burn through a person. 

“I’ve been there,” she says, and she meets Hannah’s eyes. “I’ve never gotten to be the one to pull the trigger either, and I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not.” 

Cassie makes a decision. 

“The men who took my friends’ lives? I would have gone after them all myself, and possibly died trying.” Cassie releases Hannah’s hand because she’s afraid she’ll squeeze too hard as the violence boils in her blood. 

“I’m glad you didn’t, for what it’s worth,” Hannah whispers, immediately missing the warmth of Cassie’s touch. Herein is the danger, because with the playing field level, she’s no longer at an advantage. This is no longer professional. And personal is still really rocky territory. “I mean, I would’ve understood. I wake up sometimes, sure I’ll be covered in blood...his, theirs. I dream about all the ways I can make them hurt. I’m always a little disappointed when it’s not real.”

Saying the words out loud releases something in Hannah’s chest and she chances glancing up at Cassie, half-convinced she’ll have scared the other girl (woman?) away.  
Cassie meets Hannah’s gaze head on. Her eyes are frighteningly open, and Cassie sees the truth of her words there. She doesn’t look away. 

“The first three days of recovery I dreamt up a million ways to kill the man responsible. I wanted to gut him.” Cassie says roughly, and she surprises herself as the raw violence bleeds out of her. 

A little shaken, Cassie reaches for Hannah again. She can’t seem to help herself, and her thumb traces absently along one of Hannah’s fingers. 

“And I say that,” Cassie says slowly, “because I think maybe the universe did us both a favor by not letting it happen that way.” 

“Yeah,” Hannah breathes, watching Cassie’s hand in her own. It takes a second for more thoughts to gather, thoughts that aren’t just about being touched, about being understood, about being ripped open and accepted as she is--broken but trying. “You could’ve decimated him. In a fair fight, no question. He never would’ve stood a fucking chance.”

She draws Cassie’s hand into her lap, holding it in both of hers now, unwilling to let this tenuous connection go. It’s the first thing that’s actually meant something to her in far too long.

Cassie smiles at that. For some reason Hannah’s words release that small piece of her that had blamed herself for not being able to take the bastard down when she had the chance. But then again, she hadn’t exactly been at the top of her game when she’d been bleeding out in a Russian bath house. 

“If that bastard had faced you himself he wouldn’t have lived to give the orders,” Cassie says,  
and nods playfully at Hannah’s arm. 

“You’ve got some definition under those sleeves girl.” 

“Thanks,” Hannah laughs. “I work out.” She winks teasingly and then lets out an undignified snort of amusement at the realization that they’re apparently flirting over each other’s murderous revenge fantasies.

“I’m sorry,” she says, still chuckling at herself. “I think I forgot how to have a normal conversation...And now I’ve been up for...26 hours. So that’s not helping.”

It’s the little snort that does it. Cassie feels a quick zing of attraction and blinks.

Huh. 

She laughs at Hannah’s amusement and shifts to tuck a leg under herself. 

“Normal conversations aren’t a part of our milieu I think,” she says, and rests an arm on the back of the couch. Her fingers are millimeters away from Hannah’s hair where it falls over her shoulder. She itches to reach out and touch, to see if her hair really is as silky as it looks. 

Cassie feels the uncomfortable crawl of guilt as she notices the weariness around Hannah’s eyes again. She’s working up the courage to tell her to just sleep here for the night, because that is a totally weird request to make of someone she’d met mere days ago, when there’s a sharp knock on the door. 

Cassie practically jumps out of her skin, ripping her hand from Hannah’s grasp and grunting in pain as the movement tugs at the stitches in her side. 

“Oh fuck me” Cassie says, laughing a little at herself as she hobbles to the door. 

Hannah laughs, too, though it takes a lot of work for her to stay on the couch instead of following Cassie and insist she sit down. 

“I’d say you have to buy me dinner first but you have that covered,” she teases instead, just as Cassie reaches the door.

For most of her life, Hannah’s been a flirt. She’d had no idea how to be any other way. And then Mexico had happened. She'd learned to interact more carefully, to not draw attention because she didn't want to have to explain away the scars, or the anxiety attacks. But Cassie doesn't need an explanation, she gets it. And the old version of Hannah, the one who’s barely seen the light of day for three years now, is starting to peek through.

Cassie laughs, enjoying Hannah’s wit, and swings open the door. 

“Order for Jane Smith?” The delivery man says. Cassie nods and accepts the box, noting the way the man’s eyes travel and rest on Hannah. 

Yeah me too bud she thinks. 

Cassie snags the bottle of meds on her way back to the couch, where she sets the box on the rickety coffee table. 

“Help yourself.” She pauses briefly. 

“And this is probably gonna sound weird, but we did just share our murder fantasies on a couch in a hotel room so I’m just gonna ask. Did you want to crash here tonight? You look exhausted,” Cassie says. She waits a beat, and feels an uncharacteristic flutter of nerves. 

“But you’re obviously not, I mean, you don’t need to. The couch pulls out, and so do I,” Cassie finishes somewhat lamely and shrugs, giving Hannah a self-depreciating grin. 

Nice. A proposition and a dick joke. Way to be cool Connor. 

Hannah laughs, because Cassie flustered is kind of adorable, and then actually considers the offer.

“Are you sure?” Sharing space with someone overnight is exactly the kind of intimacy Hannah usually avoids these days. Like Cassie offering the pizza delivery guy an alias, the more bases you cover, the safer you are.

But she’s so tired and Cassie is...safe. Because even if Hannah wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, she won’t have to explain herself.

“I don’t want to impose. You need sleep.” She gestures vaguely at Cassie’s midsection. “You’ll heal faster.”

Cassie scoffs. 

“You drive all the way over here for me at one in the morning, and you’re worried about imposing.” She says, around a mouthful of pizza. 

Cassie laughs lightly and unscrews the bottle of pain meds, popping a pill in her mouth. It’s half a dose, but it’s more than she would have taken if she were alone. Somehow it feels okay to let some of the pain go when she’s not alone. 

“Stay. I’ll heal better if I’m not worried about you driving all the way back. I’ll take the pull out couch. Although I’ll warn you, the bed is not much more comfortable.”

Hannah cocks her brow. “You absolutely will not,” she insists, already halfway through her first slice of pizza. “Nice try, Conner, but only one of us has a damn bullet wound. Plus, I’m well-versed in couch-surfing, remember? The chiropractor will be so proud. We’ve gotta get you into an actual, liveable place. This is...questionable.”

Polishing off the last of her crust, Hannah reaches for another slice. Now that she’s started, she’s ravenous.

“Maybe we should’ve ordered one for each of us,” she teases. “I may have forgotten to eat today. Yesterday? Whatever.”

Cassie shakes her head. “I would scold you, but can’t say I haven’t done the same.” 

The thought of living anywhere permanent is daunting, but Cassie shakes it off. That’s not a concern for now. 

She’s suddenly exhausted and she yawns. 

“There’s an extra blanket in that closet over there. I need sleep, and maybe tomorrow I’ll work on finding a place that doesn’t have an ice machine down the hall.” 

Cassie glances at Hannah again and she feels the soft tug of affection. It makes her a little nervous. 

“We’ll figure something out,” Hannah agrees with a gentle smile. “Thank you for calling me. I think I needed it as much as you did.”

The way Cassie’s looking at her makes her warm in a way that's so much more dangerous than physical attraction. Tucking that thought away for a time when her brain is actually awake, Hannah gets up to fish the blanket out of the closet.

“If you need me, wake me up, okay? I don't mind,” she promises.

Cassie nods at that, and takes Hannah at her word. Lies are easy to spot after all, and clearly Hannah has no motive to lie. As she slides under the covers she thinks on that. Needing someone, knowing they might need you too. It’s not something she’s had much practice with. 

She turns off the lights and lies in the still darkness, listening to Hannah’s soft breathing. 

“Same goes,” Cassie says, and then, “I don’t scare easy”. She’s not sure why she adds that, maybe because she’d seen the hesitant way Hannah looked at her, like this was a risk for her too. 

“No, you definitely don't,” Hannah agrees, settling back onto the couch with the blanket over her lap. “Think I'm too tired for nightmares, though. Hopefully we both get some rest. Goodnight, Cassie.”  
\---------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls go apartment hunting and furniture shopping and, well, there's a lot of talk about feelings and pasts and fun things of that nature. There's some kissing. And stuff. (No change in rating yet though!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, side note that Hannah's ex is from Valor. It's not remotely important to the plot if you have no idea who she is. Just noting that she's not mine!
> 
> Thanks to Lilly, as always, for the beta!!

A few days have passed since Cassie last saw Hannah. She’s kept busy enough, and the gunshot wound is slowly healing. There’s at least another month of puttering around like a retiree before she has to face that damn desk job. 

 

A pile of things has collected in the small space as she begins building her new existence. It feels a little bit like setting up a new cover.  _ Does this sweater seem like something analyst Cassie would wear? Is this dress a little too daring for analyst Cassie? Does analyst Cassie like red wine or white wine? _  It doesn’t feel like her yet, and analyzing this identity she’s supposed to inhabit makes her feel like she’s in control. Like fate hasn’t thrown her a giant curveball and left her to make do. 

 

She’s arranged for her meager belongings to be shipped to her, and she’s got a few things hanging in her closet, along with a large dingy box that has sat unopened for the better part of a decade. It contains bits of an old life she’s too sentimental to throw away, but not ready to face yet. 

 

A new laptop sits on the desk, and she’s got at least 15 tabs open with various apartments located within a reasonable commute. 

 

Cassie glances down at her phone. She hasn’t been avoiding Hannah, more, she’s been too busy trying to seize back her control, and she’s only ever done that alone. 

She shoots off a quick text to Hannah. Her list of contacts is pretty short. 

 

_ Cassie: I’m finally ready to look for a place that doesn’t come with a key card, and I could use your expertise. When are you free next? PS. I bought a blender. No pans or dishes, just a blender. Probably not the most practical choice, but I do have cups, and I make a mean daiquiri.  _

 

Hannah spends the week after her overnight rendezvous with Cassie having daily visits with her therapist. They talk about Urzua, a lot. But talk about her new friend sneaks in, too.

 

“So, how does it feel?” her therapist asks. Off Hannah’s blank stare, she continues, “Having a crush?”

 

“I--I don't…” she trails off, her forehead creasing.

 

“It doesn't have to mean anything,” the therapist laughs kindly. “It's a good sign, Hannah. Don't think too hard about it. It's life, it's normal.”

 

That smooths out some of her nerves and she nods.

 

“See you tomorrow?” she asks anyway.

 

“Same time, same place.”

 

She gets Cassie’s text as she’s pulling into her parking spot and can't help laughing because, of course.

 

_ H: the way to my heart: frozen alcohol. I'm actually off the next two days. So, tell me where and when and I'll be there. :) _

 

She erases and retypes the smiley several times before leaving it and hitting send. A crush. Huh.

 

Cassie smiles as the text lights up her screen, and she’s still got a stupid grin as she sits on the edge of the bed and tucks her feet under her. 

 

_ C: “I’ll power up the blender then. I’m still car-less, for the rest of the week, but I’ll give you gas money. Tomorrow at ten work for you?”  _

 

Feeling suddenly energized, Cassie tosses her phone onto the sheets.  She smooths out the wrinkles she’s made sitting on her bed, and glances around the immaculate room. Her pain meds and antibiotics sit neatly in the bathroom, and she’s been taking them dutifully, although the former hasn’t been needed much. There are pre-made salads and meals in the mini fridge and she’s even done a light pilates routine. They feel like steps back to normal. 

 

The envelope sits on the table beside her laptop now. It only dictates the next six months of her life, and Cassie intends to reapply for field work as soon as she clears her physicals. 

 

Her mind drifts back to Hannah, and it suddenly dawns on her that she’s  _ excited _ . Cassie nibbles on her lower lip. It’s a little unnerving and she feels a swoop in her stomach. 

 

_ H: it's a date! _

 

There's no smiley this time, but after she hits send, Hannah groans at herself. Objectively, it's nothing, but she’s so damn used to calculating every single move that it sends a small wave of anxiety through her.

 

Shaking it off, reminding herself this is just  _ life _ (and she's certainly dealt with much worse), Hannah sets about making dinner. In the back of her mind, she plans tomorrow’s outfit.

 

Cassie feels that same jolt of happiness when her phone goes off, and stops short when she reads the text. She wants to read into it, like Hannah is throwing her a hint here, but she brushes it off. 

 

A part of her is scared to pursue it. Maybe because deep down she knows that with Hannah it will  _ matter _ . Cassie can’t afford for things to matter right now. She’s got a goal to achieve, an end to reach. It’s not that she doesn’t want Hannah there. In fact, quite the opposite. Letting her matter though? That’s just not something she can do. Cassie mulls over her reply for a while before laughing at herself. When did she become so self absorbed? Hannah has been nothing but friendly, and she’s shown no indication that she was interested beyond a few flirty taunts. 

 

Cassie shakes her head. If anything, she’s the one who’s been ogling the woman like a damn horny construction worker. 

 

_ C: looking forward to it!  _

 

There, light and breezy. Cassie tosses the phone onto the end table, grabs a premade bowl of pasta, and punches the time into the microwave. 

 

That wasn’t a lie, at least. She  _ was _ looking forward to seeing Hannah tomorrow. 

 

\--------------------------------------- 

 

Driving places when it’s not dark outside, or smack dab in the middle of rush hour feels a little strange. The roads are mostly quiet, and Hannah can appreciate the foliage. Firmly in fall now, the trees are all bright oranges and reds with a splash of yellow here or there. It nearly makes up for the frost that had been waiting on her windshield when she’d driven to the gym earlier in the morning. There are things she misses about Mexico, and that knowledge feels a little easier to stomach today. Hannah doesn’t spare a thought as to why.

 

She pulls into the hotel parking lot almost 15 minutes early, which is par for the course, and wrestles with herself about whether to go knock on Cassie’s door. Texting feels like a decent compromise, so Hannah settles on that.

 

_ H: Here early! No rush. :) _

 

There’s no deliberation over the smiley this time.

 

Cassie grins.  _ Hannah, your CIA is showing _ , she thinks. She takes a small second to glance at herself in the mirror and smooth her hair back. Cassie’s been pretending she doesn’t care all morning as she spent extra time on her makeup and hair. 

 

_ Not a date, _ Cassie repeats to herself, but she gives in to the urge to give herself another once over. 

 

The dark green top was a good choice she decides. 

 

The air is crisp outside, and Cassie takes a deep breath. 

 

Her smile is casual as she slides into Hannah’s car. 

 

“Good morning.”

 

Hannah has the entire 30 seconds it takes Cassie to reach her car to prepare herself, but her stomach still flutters just a little when Cassie opens the door. She looks, well, the word Hannah wants to use is  _ gorgeous _ and she really fucking wishes her therapist hadn’t said anything, because now all she can think about is how good Cassie smells and how blue her eyes are. Dammit. 

 

“Hi,” she greets, realizing she hasn’t said a word. “I, um, brought coffee.” She gestures to the thermos in the console. “Colombian brewed. The good stuff. You look good. I mean, like you’ve been taking care of yourself. Way better than I was doing at this point. Pretty sure I’d barely left my bed.”

 

Cassie schools her features and opts for a friendly smile. Inside her heart is bouncing around a little.  _ She’s being nice _ . Cassie tells herself. 

 

“Thanks,” she says, grabbing a cup and taking a sip. “You were right, talking helped.” 

 

Cassie groans in pleasure. “God that’s good. Hotel coffee sucks.” 

 

She glances at Hannah and decides she’ll never get over that little bump in her pulse when she catches her eye.

 

“How long did you live there? Colombia? You still have a little hint of it in your voice.” 

 

“Until I was 8, and then we moved to Egypt for a while. And then we went back to Colombia and then we came here, actually. And after that, I went to college. UVA. I had planned on joining the FBI. CIA got to me first,” Hannah explains. Talking about that part is always easy and she relaxes as they get back onto the highway to make their way back into Virginia. “Never looked back. What about you?”

 

The cover story she’d used for so long almost slips out, and Cassie wonders for a moment when it had become harder to tell the truth than the lie. 

 

“Grew up in east Texas. Stayed there my whole life. Went to Texas Tech and found out I had an aptitude for language. So did the CIA.” Cassie grins. “I was so eager to leave that small town I didn’t think for a second of the consequences.” 

 

There are faded memories of a lonely house filled with the kind of bitterness that stems from a lifetime of struggle. 

 

A little disturbed at the detour her thoughts take, Cassie frowns.  _ You’re getting better, remember?  _ She tells herself. 

 

“Where are we headed?” she asks.

 

Hannah catches the shift in Cassie, but lets it slide. The past isn’t so easy for everyone, and that’s not for her to think about just now.

 

“Would you have changed your mind?” she asks instead. “If you’d known what it was really like, what could happen?”

 

It’s a question she’s spent a lot of time mulling over during her recovery. Most of the time these days she’s pretty sure her answer is no.

 

“I figured we’d start in Fairfax and work our way into the city? Maybe grab dinner by my place so we can avoid the bulk of traffic, and then I’m pretty sure you promised me alcohol.”

 

Cassie smiles at that. “I don’t break my promises.”

 

She mulls over Hannah’s question for a moment. 

 

“I’ve lived this life for so long, I don’t think I can imagine an alternative.” She shifts in her seat. “There have been some really fucking spectacular moments mixed in with the bad.” 

 

Cassie glances at Hannah. 

 

“Do you still feel like you’re making a difference? Not having your hands in it?” Cassie asks, and immediately she falters. “Jesus, and that came out so wrong. I mean, going from always being in the driver’s seat, to having to pilot the driver. How do you do it?” 

 

“I’m still figuring it out,” Hannah admits. “Noah said something when I started...about how many more lives were saved from behind a screen, doing what I do now. And he’s right...the stakes are higher. There are literally always lives on the line, and they’re not just mine or my team’s. But the distance is hard...the waiting is hard. It doesn’t feel the same. My first mission out of the farm was small, no big deal. But the high was...unbelievable, you know? I remember thinking I’d spend the rest of my life chasing that feeling. It’s still true. I’m trying to make sense of that now.”

 

There’s something, she reflects, about driving, about sitting next to someone and spilling your guts. It’s a little unnerving.

 

Cassie smiles at the memory of Noah. No one had expected such brilliance from him. 

She looks at Hannah again. 

 

“This might sound cheesy, but looking at you, it gives me hope. It fits you, you know.” 

 

Cassie shifts uncomfortably. Being open like this isn’t what she’s used to. It makes her a little scared in a way she’s never been. 

 

“Thank you.” The compliment catches Hannah off-guard and she stalls a second, tightening her grip on the steering wheel. “You should have hope. I think all of this kind of reminded me that there’s more, you know? Entire parts of me that I’ve just been neglecting. And they’re not as exciting as saving the world, but they matter. I’m figuring that out now, finally. As it turns out, spending the day apartment hunting with a pretty girl isn’t so bad.”

 

“You’re not so bad yourself, Rivera” Cassie tosses back, and she’s not shy about letting her gaze linger. A part of her she thought had withered so long ago stirs. Harmless flirting. It doesn’t have to mean something. But there’s a touch of longing there. 

 

_ More _ . The word lingers in Cassie’s thoughts as she watches Hannah’s profile. She’s not sure what more means for her. The goal she’s set for herself hasn’t changed, but now there’s this annoying little idea chipping away at it. She’d been meaning to bring up her decision to re-apply for a field position, but something stops her.  

 

“You know, I’ve never owned my own couch, or my own bed?” Cassie admits, laughing a little. 

 

“I hadn't either,” Hannah says, trying not to pay too much mind to Cassie’s gaze. “I think that's part of the ‘less exciting’. But it's kind of nice, you know? I come home to my things, not some cover. And I'm…safe. Or as safe as I can be. It's definitely taken some getting used to.”

 

One hand moves from the steering wheel to her neck and she wonders what she'd done before when she’d felt anxious or unsure. She can't remember.

 

“How do you feel about it? Owning furniture, getting a place?”

 

_ Trapped _ . It’s the first thing that comes to mind, but it’s not the word Cassie speaks out loud. 

 

“Open to it I guess.” Cassie crosses and uncrosses her arms. She’s not sure why she’s feeling edgy all of a sudden. Honesty takes its toll on her, and that makes her feel a little less human. 

 

She wants to give Hannah the truth, but she begins to realize she’s unsure of her own truth. That’s the danger of the job; embrace too many identities, and you lose yourself in the process. 

 

“Safe huh?” She comments, because Hannah’s hand is rubbing at her neck again and Cassie wonders how long it took for her to get to a place where home felt like safety and not a prison. 

 

“As it turns out, my head is a little scarier than civilian life,” Hannah admits, and her hand stills, but fingers linger. “Murder fantasies are the least of it. You just have to take it a day at a time, you know? As long as you're still here, you have a choice. That's what my therapist keeps telling me anyway.”

 

Except for the one choice she’d wanted to make--to get back in the field. The choice that had been taken from her as soon as her cover was blown.

 

“Furniture is sellable, you know. It doesn't keep you here. It feels permanent. It's why I spent so long sleeping on the damn couch.” She laughs, pulling into their first apartment complex of the day. “But it's...it’s just furniture, just an address.”

 

Cassie smiles at that. 

 

“Who would have thought, two trained killers afraid to buy their own beds.” 

 

The apartment complex looms in front of her like some great challenge she’s incapable of grasping. 

 

“A day at a time.” Cassie repeats, and the words bring her a strange sense of comfort. One step forward. That she can handle. Not for the first time, she feels a sense of recognition when she looks at Hannah.  _ You get it _ , she thinks. 

 

“I wasn’t being honest earlier. It makes me feel trapped. This whole damn thing.” 

 

Hannah reaches across the console, gently squeezing Cassie’s wrist.

 

“I know,” she says. “But admitting it is a pretty big step. Nothing can keep us down, Cassie Conner. Drug lords, terrorists, guns, knives...We’re still here. Don’t forget that, okay? It doesn’t fix everything, but it’s something.” Hannah looks back toward the building in front of them. “You ready?”

 

A piece of her settles into place. 

 

“Hell yeah,” she says, getting out of the car. 

 

The complex is nice. It has all the standard bells and whistles, but it’s older and not particularly close to the metro. It’s not a place Hannah would pick, and she doesn’t think Cassie will pick it either, but it’s easier to start with something unassuming, something where the decision is easy to make.

 

“So?” Hannah asks, waiting on the sidewalk while Cassie finishes up in the office with the woman who’d given them the tour. “What’d you think?”

 

“It’s serviceable.” Cassie says, and for some reason that doesn’t appeal as much as it used to. “But I think if I’m gonna live here for longer than a month, I might need more than serviceable.” 

 

Desires long kept suppressed are creeping to the surface, and Cassie pushes down on them. It’s less painful to ignore than to want. 

 

She looks at Hannah and there’s a ripple in the surface. The possibility of wanting her is a little dangerous. 

 

The way Cassie’s looking at her makes Hannah’s stomach flutter, but it’s just as much from anxiety as anything else. There’s uncertainty there and it’s too risky to push just now. At least, that’s what she tells herself.

 

“I think we can do that,” she agrees, though it comes out quieter than she’d intended. “There are two places in Vienna, and then lunch?”

 

God, what happened to her? Of course, she knows the answer, but Hannah longs for a time when this part of her life was simple, when flirting with pretty girls was fun and easy, and if it became more than that, that was fine too. Now everything is a damn risk assessment.

 

_ Not everything is a mission _ , she reminds herself. But right now, it doesn’t entirely help.

 

The subtle change in Hannah’s demeanor alerts Cassie, and she nibbles on her lip. She wonders what brought it on, and a small part of her is afraid she’s come on too strong. 

 

She’s still grappling for control, and the emotions coming from that are spilling over and making her feel unstable. She worries it’s making Hannah uncomfortable, and that’s the last thing she wants. Cassie nods and gives Hannah’s shoulder a friendly bump in an attempt to bring them back to a safe space. 

 

“That sounds great,” she says.

 

They find level ground again before reaching their next apartment complex. It’s easy enough. And neither of those complexes strike Cassie’s fancy, which, again, is sort of the point.

 

The drive to Arlington is quiet in the middle of the day, and it seems to take no time at all.

 

“What’re you in the mood for for lunch?” she asks. “I’d offer options but I’m pretty sure you could get literally anything you wanted within a 5 mile radius. The benefits of Northern Virginia. Or something.”

 

For some reason, stopping to eat brings the fluttering back to her stomach. It’s not part of the task at hand and feels infinitely more personal somehow.

 

“You know what I haven’t had in ages? Terrible greasy American food. All I could think about when I was in Moscow was how much I was willing to pay for a burger and some fries.”  Cassie glances over at Hannah, glad to see the tension gone from her shoulders. 

 

The band in her chest loosens and she forces herself to relax. This is nothing more than a simple lunch with a new friend. A new friend she kind of wants to see naked, but that part she’s very good at keeping to herself. 

 

Hannah knows just the place and drives over near the cemetery, finding a spot along the curb somewhere a few blocks away. 

 

“There’s just something about a good burger,” she agrees as they make their way up the street toward Citizen Burger Bar. “Everything feeling a little less scary now?”

 

She reflects on her own question, imagining this afternoon under different circumstances, a casual date and a stroll along the river. Part of her wants to laugh at the normalcy, but part of her aches for it too.

 

Cassie thinks on that for a moment as they walk. 

 

“It feels a lot less like I’m signing up for a prison sentence,” she says after a while, laughing at herself. 

 

“I keep finding myself overthinking every little thing I do. Like I don’t know myself anymore. Did you ever feel that?” Cassie asks. 

 

“I still feel that,” Hannah admits, moving a little closer to Cassie on the sidewalk. “I think there’s only so much space inside a person, and when so much of it gets taken up by pretending to be someone else, you don’t have room to hold on to yourself. But it comes back, slowly. I know that I like burgers and fries and milkshakes, and I know that I like spending time with you. You hold on to the little things and eventually, there’s room for more.”

 

That’s been true with work, with finding a place to live, with buying furniture. She wonders if it’s true with this, the feeling in her chest she can’t shake when Cassie’s around.

 

A warm feeling begins to grow in Cassie’s chest, like flame just starting to catch. It’s chased by a frisson of apprehension. Hannah’s close enough now that their hands brush every once in a while, and she catches a whiff of something citrusy. It smells nice, and it feeds the slow growing desire in her belly. 

 

She’s been playing keep away with this feeling of wanting more. It’s so much easier to give into with Hannah here. 

 

Her hand brushes Hannah’s again, and she thinks of the ridiculous years in middle school when holding hands was such a big deal. She had butterflies in her stomach then too. 

 

Cassie glances surreptitiously at Hannah and decides on friendly. Because damned if she’s ruining this by acting like a horny teenager. 

 

“I like being with you too,” she says, and her heart is bouncing around because that feels like too much. 

 

Cassie settles for a light punch to Hannah’s shoulder that’s nothing more than a brush of knuckles against her shoulder, but she’s already cringing. 

 

_ Jesus.  _

 

It’s like high fiving your date. 

 

It’s so unexpected that Hannah actually laughs. It breaks enough of the tension that’s been coiling steadily inside her that she suddenly feels considerably braver.

 

“Cassie...Would you like to maybe go out sometime? You know, aside from looking at apartments?” It feels like a much more weighted question than when she was younger. Maybe because then, she’d always known the answer. There are so many more things at play here than she can even begin to consider.

 

“I would love to,” Cassie answers, and there’s no hesitation. They’re moving to cross the street, and she presses a light hand to Hannah’s back as they make their way to the diner. She’s hyper aware of Hannah, because she doesn’t want to put her off, but she doesn’t think she’s imagining a spark of attraction between them. 

 

Her need for self preservation doesn’t kick in, because she still firmly believes she can keep this just as light as her previous relationships. Fun, a little sex, but never deeper. Deeper called for roots, and depending on someone. Cassie doesn’t want to depend on anyone. 

 

The relief she feels at Cassie’s easy response is chased immediately by a certain confidence that Hannah finds refreshing. It feels the most like  _ her _ that she’s felt in a long time.

 

“How hard would you judge me if I ordered a beer?” she asks, perusing the menu despite having it memorized. It’s mostly to keep from staring too hard at Cassie, now that she feels like she  _ can _ .

 

“Well I was considering one too, so the answer to that is no judgement,” Cassie says. 

 

She’s already decided on what she wants, and she lets her gaze linger again.  _ Merging into creeper territory here _ . She thinks to herself, and a smile plays around her lips. 

 

She’s not the only one who can’t stop looking at Hannah. There’s a bored looking businessman whose gaze lingers, and a group of teenage boys are openly ogling her. 

 

It doesn’t bother Cassie. Hannah’s beauty is something to behold, but the part of her that goes so much deeper than surface level appeals more to her. 

 

Her gaze lands on Hannah’s mouth and there's a pull of desire. Cassie clears her throat and focuses on the menu.  _ Fuck.  _

 

Hannah’s used to being stared at. And she’s just as used to paying attention to all of it, being extra aware, in case a stare turns into something else. But it’s Cassie’s gaze she finds most distracting.

 

She can’t help but smile when Cassie busies herself rereading the menu. And then  _ she’s _ staring because there’s a faint dusting of freckles across Cassie’s cheeks and Hannah can’t help but wonder if there are more. She wets her lips reflexively at the thought, cheeks flushing as the waiter approaches to take their order.

 

_ Saved by the beer? _ She thinks to herself and chuckles under her breath.

 

Cassie glances up at Hannah just as the waiter announces himself. Their eyes meet and she’s so caught up in how cute Hannah looks with the slight blush on her cheeks the waiter has to ask for her order twice. 

 

Cassie blankly orders the first thing that catches her eye because she’s completely forgotten what she’d decided on, but she thinks there are garlic fries so really all is well in the world. 

 

Cassie opens her mouth to say something and is momentarily distracted by the click of heels on the floor. She glances back to see their waiter gliding away gracefully on six inch stilettos. 

 

She raises an eyebrow and glances back at Hannah. 

 

“If I could look half that good wearing heels I would consider it a win.”  

 

Hannah regards Cassie thoughtfully, lightly biting her tongue. “You know, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

 

There are little glimpses of herself she’s rediscovering for the first time and Hannah kind of likes them. She makes a mental note to thank her therapist for the millionth time for being right. Not all steps to healing are unbearably painful.

 

Their drinks arrive in remarkably short order and Hannah immediately lifts hers in a toast.

 

“To...still being here,” she decides. “Fuck them.”

 

“Fuck them,” Cassie repeats with a grin, and she taps her bottle against Hannah’s.

 

There’s a change in Hannah. It’s subtle, but the sexy confidence, the easy way she flirts, makes Cassie feel like she’s glimpsing something that has been hidden for way too long.

 

Giving in to impulse, Cassie reaches for Hannah’s hand, and strokes the underside of her wrist. She wants to see more of that girl.

 

The shiver that crawls down Hannah’s spine has nothing to do with being cold, and Hannah takes a generous sip of her beer. Cassie’s touch is so damn simple, it shouldn’t affect her like it does, but God, has it been a long time.

 

“Can I ask...when was the last time you went on a date?” It’s sort of ‘company policy’ not to seek out relationships if you’re in the field. People do it anyway, of course, but Cassie doesn’t really strike her as the type.

 

Cassie lets out a long sigh. 

 

“A date when I wasn’t using a cover or trying to get something out of someone?” Cassie shakes her head. 

 

“It’s been too damn long.”

 

There have been other women. She’s not a saint. But those women were fading memories, and neither party felt motivated to make it more than a few hours of bliss. 

 

“How about you?” Cassie asks.

 

“There was a girl once. She’s an agent too. Top of our class by one percent. Over me, of course. She’ll never let me live that down.” Hannah laughs, but it’s a little sad. “We decided, when we graduated, that it would be stupid to go into the job having that kind of potential for collateral. So we cut our ties and left it at that. There hasn’t been anyone else. Not seriously.”

 

She doesn’t say that it’s been three years since anyone has touched her, that she went on a date as soon as she got the position at the DIA, because she’d felt good about life, about the new direction hers was taking. That it had ended disastrously with her nearly giving the guy a black eye and her spending the night in her car, too panicked to safely drive home.

 

Cassie smiles as Hannah shares the memory, and wonders what girl put that sad look in her eyes. 

 

“She was special to you.” Cassie comments, and there’s no hint of jealousy there, only an understanding of missing someone who meant something.

 

Their food arrives and Cassie drops Hannah’s hand.

 

“I’m glad circumstances brought me here,” Cassie says.

 

“Me too.” It's the first time in a long time that she doesn't wonder if walking away from Thea was a mistake. Hannah thinks this is what hope feels like--the warmth glowing quietly in her chest. Maybe burgers and beer in the middle of the afternoon is what she's been waiting for all along.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of making out. And a little bit of drama. As Lilly, our incomparable beta, says: "these CIA girls are a mess". Umm yep.
> 
> Also, just for reference, this puts us at...page 46 of 77 (so far). We're having fun. :)
> 
> This chapter is a little bit on the "yum" side in parts and may be questionable for reading in mixed company. But I'm keeping the rating where it is because they're still just making out. Hotly.

There’s a copy of an apartment lease sitting on top of the envelope that holds her new orders. It’s for a year, but Cassie isn’t as apprehensive about it as she thought she would be. It was the last apartment complex Hannah had taken her to. The apartment wasn’t much different from the others, although it came with a kickass gym that included a variety of free weights and a boxing bag, but it had felt right the moment she stepped into it. Large bay windows lit the place up, and it was quiet enough that she wouldn’t feel too annoyed with city noise. It also had the added bonus of being a mere 20 minutes from Hannah’s place. 

Cassie can see herself settling in nicely there, and it will be a good home base for when she returns to the field. 

The blender whirs loudly and Cassie keeps a steady hand on the lid. They’re on their second round of daiquiris and she feels the slight buzz of alcohol. It’s not nearly enough to get her drunk, she sticks to vodka for that, but it adds to the celebratory mood. 

When Cassie hands Hannah her drink in the brightly colored plastic cup she sits close enough that their thighs brush. She chases a new high now, the fluttery feelings of a burgeoning relationship. 

“Ok. Marry, Fuck, Kill. Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Chastain.”

“Oooh, asking the hard questions.” Hannah laughs and sips her drink, leaning into Cassie a little. “Hmmm. Fuck Alba, kill Biel, marry Chastain. I have a thing for redheads. Okay, your turn. Umm. Anna Kendrick, Mila Kunis, Olivia Wilde.”

Admittedly, she feels a little silly, sitting here, playing a game she hasn't played since college. But it makes her giddy, too, because it's so deliciously normal. There will undoubtedly be fallout, eventually. Two steps forward, one step back is a familiar pattern by now. But for tonight, Hannah feels powerful and happy and alive. And that is really something.

Cassie smiles at that. “Easy. Kill Anna, never trust a redhead. Fuck Olivia, and marry Mila. You could say I have a thing for smart sexy brunettes.” 

Hannah is practically glowing, and Cassie feels enchanted by her. The buzz of alcohol in her blood makes her a little bolder, and she reaches out, sliding her fingers through the ends of her hair. 

Of course it feels like fucking silk. 

“What shampoo do you use?” 

Cassie’s eyes widen slightly in horror. Smooth. She thinks. Something about Hannah turns her into a bit of a bumbling mess. 

Cassie’s touch inspires nothing but a soft pull of want somewhere in the pit of her stomach. Hannah’s own hand lifts to rest on Cassie’s leg.

“It's a salon brand,” she admits, a little sheepishly. “Part of my homework in the beginning was finding ways to take care of myself. I go to a fancy place in Shirlington, and get my hair done. I use whatever they tell me. There's a decent chance they're just using me for my money but it feels...good.”

“Well it makes you smell amazing, for what it’s worth,” Cassie says, and Hannah’s hand on her thigh is just distracting enough that she loses focus for a moment. 

She wants to probe deeper, and ask what happened, more than the little hints Hannah has dropped, but she looks so carefree and happy at the moment. Cassie doesn’t want to bring the heaviness back, not tonight. They both deserve a little softness. 

The part of her that feels protective over Hannah, and gets a bit riled every time there’s a hint of sadness in Hannah’s eyes, wants to know the name of every person involved and hunt them down. Anger shoots through her and is gone so quickly she feels somewhat shaky. Deep down she knows her anger is for both of them, and try as she might, she can’t seem to bury what happened to her. Cassie wants nothing more than to forget. 

Her eyes drop to Hannah’s mouth and dart away. The woman is intoxicating. 

“You came out of it stronger,” Cassie says finally. She wants Hannah to know it. 

“You too,” she murmurs, almost looking away but changing her mind. Cassie deserves to be stared at. Hannah’s teeth catch on her bottom lip briefly before her tongue follows and all she can think about is how long it's been since she's just wanted to kiss someone. “God, you're distracting,” she breathes, mostly to herself.

Cassie hadn’t planned on kissing Hannah tonight. She was going to wait until she didn’t feel so damn open and vulnerable to her. But the way Hannah’s voice drops an octave, and her tongue sneaks out to wet her lips has Cassie’s own breath slowing. She wants her. 

She lifts a hand to cup Hannah’s jaw, and her fingers slide into her hair. Although desire clouds her thoughts, she pauses with her lips millimeters from Hannah’s. Instinct tells her to not push too hard too fast. 

“Is this okay?” She asks, her heart thumping hard against her chest. 

A soft sort of half-whimper escapes her because of course Cassie would ask. Of course she would. And Hannah can't form a coherent word just now, so she closes the remaining gap between them instead.

Cassie’s mouth is soft and warm and tastes faintly of fruit and alcohol. Hannah’s fingers curl against Cassie’s thigh and her other hand lifts to Cassie’s arm, grasping her wrist. Hannah’s lips part just slightly, capturing Cassie’s top one and the small part of Hannah’s brain that can form rational thoughts remembers why Hannah had loved this, once upon a time. How she'd forgotten, in her self-care regimen, that being close to another person--being intimate--is an integral part of who she is.

Cassie’s hand fists in Hannah’s hair, and she groans slightly, because damnit if the feel of Hannah’s lips against her own isn’t the most intoxicating thing she’s ever felt. She slides a hand gently up Hannah’s side, and rests it at her waist, trying to contain the roar of desire. When Hannah’s lips part under her own, her breath stutters, and she tugs her closer. She nips lightly at Hannah’s lower lip, lost in her. Cassie’s not sure why the kiss affects her like this. There’s an intimacy here that she’s not used to, and she’s a little taken aback to realize she doesn’t feel like running. She feels safe. 

Hearing Cassie, feeling the quiet groan that slips from her throat, only spurs Hannah on and she shivers, just barely flicking her tongue out, teasing. She strokes her fingers down Cassie’s arm, keeping the other where it is, wary of touching more of her, hurting her accidentally. As badly as she wants Cassie, this is so much more than enough. And that nearly stops Hannah in her tracks, because slow isn't something she historically does in the intimacy department. But that was before. Now she's here, with this impossibly brave, strong, gorgeous woman, and this is different.

Hannah is warm and soft, and she smells so fucking good Cassie can’t think straight. Pulsing waves of heat unfurl in her and she sweeps her thumb over Hannah’s jaw, and her tongue slicks over Hannah’s. The teasing is going to be the death of her. Hannah’s fingers on her arm are so light, and Cassie wants so much more, that she forgets for a second about keeping things chaste, sweet. 

She had a plan damnit. Cassie pushes Hannah back against the arm of the couch, and presses a palm to her thigh. She breaks away to catch her breath, but her mouth finds the soft skin of Hannah’s shoulder instead. Cassie presses a light open mouthed kiss there, and then she slides back, closing her eyes. 

“God Hannah.” 

It takes more than a couple of seconds for Hannah to open her eyes. Her breathing’s still shallow, her cheeks flushed, and the way Cassie’s looking at her definitely doesn't help.

“Fuck,” she whispers, tipping her head back and laughing as her hand covers Cassie’s, pressing it tighter against her. 

The heat bleeds through her jeans, into her skin, into her bones, and Hannah’s dizzy with the knowledge that Cassie wants her. 

“Hearing you say my name like that shouldn't…” she trails off, shaking her head, finally lifting it again to meet Cassie’s impossibly blue eyes, which are so much darker than she remembers them being ten minutes ago. “It's going to make me insane, but God, I want to keep kissing you.”

Cassie bites her lip to keep her mind from forming images of Hannah with her head thrown back like that, while she’s got her mouth on her. She wants to hear the sounds she’ll make as she drives her closer to the edge. Because Hannah is irresistible with her cheeks tinged pink and her lips slightly swollen, Cassie covers her mouth with hers again. 

She’s a little rougher now, as her self control teeters on the edge.The fingers on Hannah’s thigh clench as she feels herself losing the battle. Her hand moves under the edge of Hannah’s shirt and she strokes the soft skin there with the tips of her fingers. It takes everything in her not to push further, to wait. Somehow, she knows it’s important not to turn this into every other relationship she’s had. If you could even call them that. 

Cassie pulls back, and her lips press to Hannah’s temple. 

“You started driving me insane the moment you hit on me while I was still recovering from a bullet wound in the hospital,” Cassie breathes against her hair, a smile hovering on her lips as she pulls Hannah against her.

“You sure know how to woo a girl, Conner,” Hannah murmurs, sliding her fingers into Cassie's hair, enjoying her closeness. It takes a surprisingly long time to realize how close Cassie’s fingers are to the scar that cuts across her abdomen. It's jagged and ugly and seeing it every day makes her sick. But right now, she's not thinking about that. She's thinking about how good Cassie’s hands feel, how she wishes she could feel all of her.

Now it’s Cassie’s turn to tremble as Hannah moves her fingers through her hair. The couch holds them both, but barely, and Cassie isn’t ready to let go of Hannah yet. She presses another kiss to Hannah’s brow, because the girl makes her soft in a way she hasn’t been in years. 

“Stay with me tonight?” Cassie whispers. 

“Just to stay, as much as I want you, physical activity is still mostly limited.” Cassie adds as she pats the bandage at her hip. 

“That's a can of worms you don't want to open yet anyway,” Hannah sighs, settling more fully into Cassie, finding all the ways the other woman’s body complements her own. “I’ll stay. Gladly. Holding you all night sounds kind of perfect, actually.” She tips her head enough to nuzzle Cassie’s neck, her lips gently ghosting the skin over her pulse.

Cassie eyes flutter closed on a soft moan as Hannah’s lips skim the sensitive point in her neck. 

“You’re going to be the death of me Rivera,” she says as she tugs Hannah up from the couch and leads her to the bed. She tucks them both under the covers, and hooks a leg around Hannah’s, pulling her solidly against her while running gentle fingers along Hannah’s side. 

Hannah’s first comment is niggling at the back of her mind, and she’s not sure how to respond. She knows her gut instinct had been right, that pushing things too far wouldn’t work tonight, and she thinks what makes her protective of Hannah may also be what makes Hannah feel like she’s still a bit broken. 

Cassie frowns slightly and tips Hannah’s face up to hers. 

“What did you mean by that?” Cassie asks. “What can of worms?” Her eyes are on Hannah’s now, and she smooths Hannah’s hair back, hoping to soothe away any anxiety Hannah might be feeling. 

There's never exactly a good time to discuss trauma. She remembers telling Thea, filling in the blanks, and laughing over it. Because laughing was easier than dealing with the pain. But she's come a long way since then.

She takes Cassie's hand and draws it under her shirt, pressing her fingers gently to the edge of the scar. There are a dozen more, but this is the one she hates the most.

“I was working a cartel in Mexico. Over a year, and everything was perfect. And then some asshole ran his mouth on a hunch. Those guys...paranoid is an understatement. So they stop in the middle of the highway, in the middle of the night. They beat the shit out of me, break a few ribs, my arm, couple fingers...and then the knives. Sends a kind of message, right?” She exhales shakily, tears burning behind her closed eyes. It's better than the numbness, but she hates it all the same.

She swallows hard as she lets Hannah guide her hand across raised skin. Hannah’s face tells her everything, and there’s pain and disgust there. Cassie presses a light kiss to her hair in a attempt to soothe away the hurt. She knows it can’t fix what happened, but it’s the only way she can show she cares. 

Part of her hates herself for making Hannah relive the pain from her past, but she rides on instinct, knowing that Hannah needs the chance to tell her, to speak the pain. 

As Cassie fills in the pieces of what Hannah doesn’t say, she feels the rage building in her, and it’s so potent at first she has trouble staying in place and being there for Hannah. The tears glistening in Hannah’s lashes weaken her, and Cassie forces herself to listen for once, instead of trying to jump into action and fix everything. 

“Those knives marked your skin Hannah, not you,” Cassie murmurs, and she wants to crush Hannah to her and pull all the hurt into herself, so Hannah will never have a reason to cry again. 

“Tell me what hurts you Hannah,” Cassie says, because she knows there’s more.

“If I hadn’t fought it, if I’d just laid there...that stupid scar wouldn’t be so fucking ugly.” It sounds so incredibly stupid to say it, but the words lift a weight that’s been bearing down on her for so, so long. “It would’ve killed me. In my head, I know that. But it’s all I can think about every single time I look at myself in the mirror. I feel...like an imposter. Like when people look at me, they see the old me. But as soon as they get close I get so fucking scared. The idea of them seeing me...of you seeing me…” Her voice falters and Hannah wipes furiously at her eyes. “I don’t know what’s scarier--the idea of you seeing that and running away or the idea of you seeing that and sticking around. And that? Jesus, that’s never been me. I hate that those fucking low-level monsters still have that kind of power over me. I hate it.”

For all the hours of therapy she’s been through, Hannah hasn’t felt this raw in a long time. It’s not where she meant to end up tonight. She’d wanted to crawl into bed with Cassie and kiss her and tease her until they couldn’t stand it anymore, and fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. But now she’s a trembling, crying mess and Cassie’s still healing from a bullet wound, being shot down from the sky, and watching all of her friends die and Hannah kind of hates the world a little bit.

For a moment, all Cassie can do is press her lips together and fight the tears in her own eyes. She’s absolutely gutted by the raw hurt in Hannah’s voice. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cassie murmurs. “I told you, I don’t scare easy.” She closes her eyes and prays instinct will help her make the right move here, because the last thing she wants to do is hurt Hannah more. 

She whips the comforter off them and moves Hannah’s shirt gently away so she can look at the scar there. It’s not pretty. She won’t lie and say it is. 

“You know what I see when I look at you? I see a woman who fights back, no matter what, and that’s beautiful.” She kisses the tears from Hannah’s cheeks. 

“You’re not an imposter Hannah. You’re real, and you’re you, and that’s enough. I want to be here for all of that,” Cassie says, and she realizes with a sinking sort of certainty that it’s true, and she’s afraid of it, but a part of her that’s been dead for so long is cracking open again. It feels a lot like hope. 

Hannah cradles Cassie’s face, keeping her close, breathing her in. She’s not anxious or panicked, just a little scared and a little exhausted and a lot grateful for whatever crazy instinct had meant tracking Cassie across the ocean, because now they’re here.

“That’s a pretty big commitment,” she says finally, voice hoarse with tears. She swallows and licks her lips, tugging Cassie down on top of her, just to be close to her again. “Considering you have no idea if I’m any good in bed.”

The levity is desperately needed to bring them back to something resembling solid ground, but Hannah takes Cassie’s words to heart, lets the truth in them take root in her chest. 

Cassie laughs lightly at that.

“I have good instincts,” she says, and she drops a kiss to Hannah’s shoulder. She loves the way Hannah feels under her, and she presses her face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. 

“Mmm, we’ll see. Thank you for today.” The fingers she’s twined into Cassie’s hair stroke down the back of her neck instead, a small, pleasant shiver working down her spine at the feel of the other woman’s lips on her skin.

Cassie smiles against her shoulder, distracted by the way Hannah’s fingers travel down her neck. She grabs Hannah’s wrist and presses it gently back onto the bed. 

“If you keep touching me like that I’m going to go a little crazy,” Cassie whispers, trailing her lips along Hannah’s shoulder to her collarbone. 

Hannah’s smirk is almost immediately erased by the heat of Cassie’s mouth. She flexes her fingers, testing Cassie’s grip.

“Maybe I like making you crazy,” she murmurs, her other hand skimming the slope of Cassie’s spine, fingers creeping under the edge of her shirt, and God, is that a mistake because Cassie is so damn soft and warm and perfect that Hannah only wants more.

Cassie lets out a choked breath and presses her lips to Hannah’s jaw.

“Mission fucking accomplished,” she says, and she’s quick when she grabs Hannah’s other wrist to pin it to the bed. 

Cassie decides she likes her like that, a little flushed and looking up at her. Her lips drop to the top of Hannah’s breast and she presses light kisses there, before lifting her head because god knows she’ll lose control if she keeps roaming lower. Her thigh moves between Hannah’s legs and she kisses the side of Hannah’s neck below the ear. 

“If I let you go will you keep your hands to yourself?” she asks, an amused grin on her face. 

Hannah’s breathing goes audibly ragged and she nearly writhes under Cassie. Her fingers already itch to touch her again and she struggles a little against Cassie’s grip.

“Not a chance,” she purrs, allowing herself exactly one careful roll of her hips before stilling again. “Jesus, Cassie.”

Cassie groans as Hannah moves against her, and laughs at Hannah’s refusal to cooperate, pressing her wrists down a little harder to still them. 

“I shouldn’t have expected that to work.” Cassie says lightly, kissing Hannah’s cheek and rolling off her before releasing her wrists. She pulls Hannah close and curls her body against her. It takes more than a few minutes for Cassie to settle down, but her breath begins to sync with Hannah’s as she feels herself slipping into sleep.   
\-------------------------------------

Going back to sleeping alone in her own bed feels absurdly lonely after that. Hannah wakes up in the morning, reaching for Cassie, only to find no one there, and it always makes her feel a little silly.

But work is busy and she sees Cassie every couple of days, even if it's just for coffee. She's happy and that's something she thought would take a lot more time.

They go furniture shopping and try out every piece in the store, imagining what kind of people spend five figures on a living room. After the third store, Hannah makes an executive decision to go to Ikea.

“You know, last time I was here, I had a meltdown picking out a comforter,” she admits with a soft laugh. “So whatever happens, today should at least be better than that. Also, any trip to Ikea requires cinnamon buns, so there's that.”

It's strange, though, to think about being back here. It makes her think about how far she's come, how far she has yet to go.

“Ready?”

“You read my mind,” she says as she leans over to give Hannah a quick kiss. The easy affection is new for her, and it still sits a little uncomfortably, like a cover she hasn’t fully eased into, but she likes the way it makes her feel. 

She’s been able to move into her apartment for exactly three days now, and so far she’s yet to spend the night there. It was easy enough to use the excuse that she had no furniture, but those excuses ran out the minute Hannah had suggested their current excursion. 

Cassie shakes herself out of the thoughts swirling in her mind and tries to focus on the task at hand. 

“Hey. It’s just furniture, remember?” Hannah reminds her. “This feels like a big deal. I get that. But it’s just...stuff. Stuff you can’t pronounce that’s impossible to put together. But it’s just stuff.”

As soon as they’re out of the car, Hannah reaches for Cassie’s hand. She’s still relishing the normalcy of being able to do that.

“Let’s go show that furniture who’s boss.”

Cassie laughs at that and leans her head briefly against Hannah’s shoulder. 

“Just stuff,” she repeats, and shakes her head at herself. There is no reason to feel so edgy about filling a room with things. Hasn’t she spent hours waiting between missions flipping through all those house and home type magazines, idly wishing she had a place to put things as impractical as a bowl filled with decorative balls? 

“I hope you have practice putting those things together, because I am planning on drinking a celebratory beer, or three, and slightly drunk furniture building sounds like a recipe for disaster.” 

“Oh, is that all I’m good for?” Hannah teases. “Putting furniture together? Should’ve known. Anyway, all I care about is the bed. Everything else can wait.” She means it innocently enough (relatively, anyway), but maybe it’ll at least offer Cassie a suitable distraction from the task at hand.

Cassie smirks and leans into Hannah “I’ll make sure to get a headboard you can grab onto.” The thought of Hannah in her bed is distracting enough that Cassie walks into the furniture warehouse without tensing as she had in the other stores. 

There is an overwhelming amount of furniture, and Cassie stares blankly for a moment before busily scribbling down numbers. In another time and place she would have been concerned about complementary colors and matching tones, but here all she cares about is checking items off the list. She’s at least relatively sure they are all black. 

They end up at the beds and Cassie gives Hannah a sidelong glance. “That one has slats,” she says in a playfully seductive voice. 

Hannah actually giggles at that, wondering how long it’s been since someone made her do that in public.

“Getting ideas, are we?” She fingers the top of the frame, cocking a brow at Cassie. “What kind are we talking about? Handcuffs? Leather? Scarves?” They’ve still only kissed and it’s perfect and maddening all at once. Still, she loves the safety that comes with flirting free of expectations. 

Cassie snorts and eyes the bed frame skeptically, and knocks on the wood. 

“I have a great scarf collection,” she says playfully, and walks over to stand beside Hannah. 

“As tempting as this is, trying to put that headboard together looks like a mess.” Cassie nods to the bed a few feet away with a solid base and headboard. “That on the other hand, looks like my kind of project.” 

Her list of furniture looks long enough, and she gestures to Hannah. 

“I need a cinnamon roll.”

“See, this is why I like you. You’re smart,” Hannah sighs with a smile, reaching for Cassie again, kissing her cheek. “Let’s get a dozen. We can take the rest home and celebrate another victory.”

The snack break is much needed, physically and mentally, and Hannah nudges Cassie under the cafe table as they finish off their treat. 

“I’m proud of you, you know. Not just today. Everything.”

Cassie bites her lip and presses a kiss to Hannah’s temple as she stands. 

“Thank you,” she says, and she means it, because if it were anyone else she would be ashamed of something as simple as picking out furniture being such a big deal to her. Cassie turns from Hannah as she bags their things, frustrated with her own lack of progress, and that same edge of irritation creeps under her skin. 

By the time she turns back to Hannah, her face is placid, and she reaches out a hand to her. 

“I’ve got an entire truck full of furniture to build, and if I’m going to sleep in a bed tonight we should get started,” Cassie says. 

\------------------------------------------

Her apartment is an absolute mess. There’s packaging littering the floor, and a empty beer bottle sits on a questionably built coffee table. 

Cassie stares at the chair she put together and tilts her head. She’s pretty sure the backrest is not supposed to be on the same side as a pair of legs. 

“Well, what the fuck,” she mutters. 

“That’s...something,” Hannah remarks from the doorway, leaning against the frame with a smile as she watches Cassie huff in frustration. She crosses the room and slips her arms around her girlfriend from behind, resting her chin on Cassie’s shoulder. “It’s artsy. I like it.”

Cassie smirks and nudges the chair with her foot. 

“Artsy isn’t gonna make for a good chair,” she says, and leans her head back. 

“Please tell me you’ve had better luck with the bed.I can handle a few pathetic chairs if my bed is working.” Cassie’s eyes travel to the to the couch she spent nearly an hour fuming over. 

“I built one good couch, that’s all I have in me.” 

“That’s enough,” Hannah says, nuzzling Cassie’s neck just to breathe her in and press a gentle kiss to her skin. “Come see.”

Thankfully, Cassie’s instincts had been right and the bed was mostly simple to assemble. Hannah had tucked it against the wall and made it up with freshly laundered, impossibly soft sheets that still somehow smell like Cassie, even brand new. To her, it feels homey. She hopes her girlfriend feels the same.

“Ta da.” It’s weird, the kind of things that become triggers, so Hannah stays close and stays quiet and just lets Cassie look.

Cassie smiles softly and leans her head against Hannah’s shoulder. Some of the tension drains from her as she looks at the bed Hannah built. It’s everything that’s thoughtful about Hannah, right down to the sheets tucked neatly over the bed. 

She turns and presses a quick kiss to Hannah’s mouth and steps back grinning. 

“It’s perfect, just like you.” Cassie walks Hannah back to the bed so her knees bump against the edge, and gives her a light push.

“You could help me break it in,” Cassie suggests, and because she knows Hannah needs time, she clarifies. “Sleeping and cuddling, to be specific.” 

“Perfect is a stretch. There were a few screws left over. It's probably fine,” Hannah teases, taking the hint and sinking back onto the bed with an appreciative groan. “God, that's nice. Apparently I need to hit the gym more often. I hurt.” She looks up at Cassie, reaching out for her. “C’mere, baby.”

Cassie restrains herself from leaping onto the bed and devouring Hannah, and instead eases down slowly, pressing a light kiss to Hannah’s lips. 

“As long as it lasts the six months I’m fine.” Cassie says, crawling onto the bed and tugging Hannah down with her. She’s still a little sweaty and covered in a fair amount of sawdust from building furniture. There’s a shower in her near future, but for now, all she wants to do is hold Hannah and work through the stupid part of her that still feels trapped by some badly assembled chairs and an apartment in her name. 

“How the hell are you so damn beautiful after slogging through furniture stores with me all day, and then building an entire bed by yourself?” Cassie demands.

“Same way you are after going off-book and constructing the most impressive non-chair I've ever seen,” Hannah replies, nuzzling her cheek. She pushes away the unexpected sadness that comes from Cassie’s imminent departure. Six months is a long time. “Kind of want to kiss you forever, kind of want a shower, kind of want a nap, kind of want something containing alcohol. How about you?” Her hands slip easily under Cassie’s shirt, innocently tracing her hips and lower back.

Cassie laughs at Hannah’s quip and kisses her lightly. Hannah’s touch raises goosebumps on her arms and she hums in pleasure. 

“Those are all brilliant suggestions. And logically, I should suggest that we shower and then have alcohol, and then make out like teenagers, but I’m gonna skip ahead to the making out portion of the program,” Cassie says, before covering Hannah’s mouth with her own. 

Hannah doesn't remember kissing feeling like this. It's just Cassie’s mouth that makes her stomach flutter and her heart skip. But she's not complaining. With a quiet moan, she teases her tongue along the seam of Cassie’s lips. The fingers she's resting at the small of Cassie’s back curl, the nails dragging feather-light over perfectly smooth, soft skin.

Cassie shivers against Hannah as she parts her lips. Something about the way Hannah touches her makes her want a little desperately. It unnerves her, the way she wants to cling onto her and never let go. Her hands move to Hannah’s back and slip under her shirt, and her fingers brush raised skin. Cassie pauses ever so slightly, remembering the way Hannah had looked when she’d first shown her the scar on her abdomen. She’s carefully attuned to Hannah’s body language even as she moves against her. 

“How is it that I can’t get enough of you?” Cassie asks, her voice thick. 

Hannah waits for the wave of panic, the one that comes at different levels, depending on the day, when Cassie touches her. But it's barely noticeable today and she breathes a quiet sigh of relief. Resolved to make Cassie keep sounding like that--low and breathless and needy--Hannah skates her fingers a little lower, drifting over Cassie’s hip. 

“You have me,” she whispers, her mouth traveling Cassie's jaw and then the gentle slope of her neck. “I'm all yours.”

She arches into Hannah, her breath catching as Hannah’s mouth moves over her skin. Her fingers just skim over Hannah’s bra, and she edges away, teasing them both with the hint of more. Hannah’s words pulse into her blood, and she’s filled with a desire different from the one that makes her breath catch and her pulse scramble. There’s a part of her that’s always on guard, ready to leave before someone can leave her, but she lowers it as Hannah moves against her. 

Hannah’s fingers moving over her skin make her hot and desperate, and she gasps out a breath.

“God, I want you,” Hannah breathes, heat pooling low in her belly at the way Cassie’s reacting to her touch. The words startle her, a revelation, not because she's not attracted to Cassie, but because she hasn't let herself want anyone in a long time. The tip of her index finger drags along the waistband of Cassie’s pants and even that much has Hannah hungry.

Cassie swallows hard at that, closing her eyes for a moment to collect herself. She notices the slight hesitation even as Hannah’s fingers tease at the edge of her jeans. 

“I want you too,” she whispers, “but kissing you like this, this is enough.” Knowing that she would drive herself insane, but beyond caring, Cassie captures Hannah’s mouth again, sucking lightly on her lower lip and nibbling gently there. She cups Hannah’s face and takes a second to catch her breath. 

“Go shower, I have a pair of very slutty pajamas you can borrow, that I will lend you for the sole reason of checking out your fabulous legs, and I’ll mix up some drinks for us. We deserve it after our foray into carpentry.” 

Hannah laughs through a whine, covering her face with her hands.

“Okay. But I'm not done kissing you. For the record.” She steals another kiss, chaste but lingering, tugging playfully at Cassie’s shirt as she rolls away, sitting up. When she looks back at the woman lying next to her, the sight stalls her breath in her throat. “You, Cassie Conner, are too gorgeous for your own damn good.”

She lays there for a few minutes, listens as the shower starts up, and then stretches luxuriously, realizing that she feels happy and light, and that all the tension she felt earlier has dissipated. She gets up to fish pajamas out of her dresser for Hannah, purposely grabbing the smallest pair of shorts she owns, and tossing them onto the bed with a top. 

By the time the shower stops, Cassie is sitting at the counter on a barstool waiting for Hannah to emerge.

After towel drying her hair, Hannah piles it on top of her head and then relishes putting on Cassie’s clothes. Everything smells like her and it just makes Hannah feel good. Like she belongs here, like she’s wanted.

The extra sway to her hips when she joins Cassie in the kitchen is entirely intentional as she sidles up to the barstool. 

“Who knew you owned such slutty things?” she purrs. “Been holding out on me, hm?”

Cassie laughs and lets out a wolf whistle, taking her time ogling Hannah.   
“I’m gonna have to invest in sluttier things,” Cassie says, leaning closer to Hannah to slide her arms around her waist. 

There are things she wants to say, but she can’t quite work up the courage, or form the words to tell Hannah that she makes her happier than she’s been in much too long. 

“As for holding out, I have this ridiculous lingerie getup that takes at least 30 minutes to get into, that I might just let you get a look at, but I’m saving it for a special occasion,” Cassie says in a low voice, leaning in to nuzzle Hannah’s neck and sliding her drink to her. 

“But for now I’m getting you drunk so I can take advantage of you later.” 

“Oh is that the plan?” Hannah asks, grinning, more than slightly distracted by Cassie’s proximity. “Noted. Here I thought I would be the one taking advantage…” She takes a generous sip of the frozen concoction Cassie made, cooling her fingers on the glass before trailing them up the back of Cassie’s neck. The angle while she’s standing makes it too tempting not to steal a kiss, so Hannah claims Cassie’s mouth with almost teasingly gentle pressure.

Cassie shivers at the sensation of Hannah’s cool fingers on her neck, leaning further into Hannah’s kiss. The angle throws her slightly off balance, for more reasons than one, and she grips Hannah’s hips to steady herself. The familiar scent of her own shampoo clinging to Hannah makes Cassie dizzy with want, and she can’t quite pinpoint why. 

“You take advantage of me anytime you want, Rivera, you won’t hear me complaining.” 

“The things I want to do to you…” Hannah cradles the back of Cassie’s head and just looks at her a minute, awed that this woman wants her, that she gets to do this with her. It dulls some of the pain left behind by Urzua’s men. She thinks suddenly of Cassie’s hands, gentle and tender, and realizes it’s the things she wants Cassie to do to her that scare her the most. But tonight, there’s just this, and it’s intoxicating and warm and dizzying, but it’s not scary.

Cassie lets out a stuttering noise and she swears she’ll melt right out of the chair if Hannah keeps looking at her like that. 

“Jesus Hannah, you can’t say things like that and expect me not to spontaneously combust.” Cassie murmurs, slightly lost in Hannah’s eyes. 

Emotion rises and crests, flooding into her chest, and Cassie slips off the barstool and hugs Hannah tightly, suddenly speechless. 

She releases her just as suddenly, and avoids her eyes as the feelings thrum through her. 

“I’m going to take a shower, a cold one.” Cassie says, and it take several seconds before she can school her features. 

“I got the cable set up, find us something trashy to watch,” she says with a grin, finally meeting Hannah’s eyes again. 

Hannah’s used to reading people and Cassie might be good at what she does, but here, she’s just Cassie and there’s no hiding. The vulnerability, though, is one Hannah understands, so she lets the wall be reconstructed, at least a little bit, as she watches Cassie escape to the bathroom. She makes it halfway through her drink while she surfs through channels before arbitrarily deciding on some 90s romcom she hasn’t seen in over a decade. She’s settling into bed again, drink in hand, when Cassie emerges and Hannah realizes she didn’t take into account Cassie dripping wet in nothing but a towel. It makes her blush uncharacteristically as she drags her gaze back to the TV.

She’s a little steadier as she walks out of the shower, and her lips curve as she sees the flush on Hannah’s cheeks. Cassie gives her an exaggerated wink and hikes the towel slightly up her leg as she meets Hannah’s gaze. 

“You like what you see?” she asks playfully, bending with exaggerated movements as she fishes for her own set of pajamas. Cassie eyes a lacy camisole and decides what the hell, before grabbing it with a pair of shorts. Testing them both, she walks slowly up to Hannah and sits beside her on the bed, well aware the towel around her has shifted to reveal a slice of thigh up to her hip 

“You look a little flushed, everything okay?” Cassie asks with mock concern.

Hannah pokes her tongue out and bites it lightly as her eyes drag over every visible inch of Cassie’s skin.

“You’re damn lucky I like being teased,” she murmurs, carefully tracing the slit in the towel. “Because now all I can think about is my mouth right here, and it’s very distracting…”

Cassie falters slightly as she realizes her ploy has backfired on her somewhat.   
“Like I said, not complaining,” she tosses back with a quick grin. Cassie bites her lip and  
covers Hannah’s hand with her own, moving it dangerously high up her thigh. 

She leans in slowly to kiss Hannah again, deciding that if all she did was kiss this girl she could die happy. 

“Suffer,” Cassie says playfully as she eases back and heads for the bathroom. 

It only takes her a few seconds to slip on her clothing and brush the tangles from her hair before she joins Hannah on the bed again, slipping under the covers with her. She snuggles up to Hannah’s side and gestures at the TV. 

“Didn’t take you for a rom-com kind of girl.”

“It's...safe,” Hannah says, slipping her arm around Cassie and kissing her forehead. “Besides, we’ve already figured out I can't think straight with you, so kinda helps when I don't have to pay attention to the plot.”

Even holding Cassie like this, being this close to her, is incredibly distracting. And not even because Hannah wants her. She's just pretty and soft and smells incredible. There’s a part of her that realizes there’s a lot more to this--whatever they’re doing--than she’s willing to admit, but she’s battled herself enough today. They both have. So for now, she’s just going to lay here in the bed she built and soak up the reality of the gorgeous woman in her arms. For tonight, that’s more than enough.

Cassie almost falls asleep smiling, and the Cassie she was before this might have mocked her for getting so soft, but she’s happy, and that’s what makes her pull Hannah to her just a little tighter. 

Here, in the stillness of night, memories of her coworkers, face down in their own blood, begin to surface. Cassie stiffens. It’s been so long since she’s thought about any of it. Icy guilt trickles into her, and she squeezes her eyes shut. A mild panic starts to surface and Cassie blows out a breath, pressing her face into Hannah’s shoulder. She breathes in the scent of her, and it settles the sharpest edges of her panic. It feels a lot like needing someone, and Cassie wants to fight that too, but the fear of panic wins out, and Cassie clings tighter. 

You’re fine. Cassie tells herself as she steadies her breath. It takes several minutes, but she manages to bring herself back to an equilibrium. 

The problem with suppressing things though, is that they manage to sneak out the moment you turn your back on them. 

The nightmare has Cassie in its grip as soon as she falls asleep. Images flash and bleed into each other, and a thread of scarlet ties it all together. Panic surges in full force now as Cassie fights her way to Tom, the kind analyst who had come to Moscow on his first foray into the field, and she screams soundlessly as bullets rip into him. 

Hannah has always been a light sleeper. Even as a child, the smallest thing would wake her. So Cassie stiffening beside her, her previously calm, even breathing turning erratic, draws Hannah instantly out of her sleep.

She knows better, really, than to wake someone from a nightmare, so instead, Hannah strokes Cassie’s hair and murmurs reassurances, hoping the terror breaks soon. It's only then that Hannah realizes it's been a long while since she's had a nightmare of her own. Not since she'd visited Cassie in the hospital. Progress, slow and steady.

“You're safe, baby. It's over. You're home,” she whispers. “You did everything you could.” 

Cassie jerks at the light touch on her skin and nearly leaps out of the bed. She’s so confused at first she nearly pushes Hannah’s hands off her, but it’s the only thing that centers her, so she attempts a laugh that sounds a lot more like a sob, and rolls to stare at the ceiling. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.” Cassie says, her voice a little raw as she fights back the tears. 

Hannah's seen Cassie angry, hurt, anxious, and totally shut down. But the verge of tears is new and it shatters Hannah’s heart.

“Don't apologize for what you can't control. I'm here. I want to be here.” 

Her arm is draped over Cassie’s stomach now, and Hannah strokes soothingly up her side, glad that at least she hasn't been pushed away. It's something.

She’s tense as she tries to work her way out of the fear and onto solid ground. Hannah’s touch pulls some of that from her, and Cassie’s first instinct is to fight it. She has borne her own fears her whole life. There have been so many instances where she’s wished there was someone there, anyone, and now that there is, Cassie recognizes that letting someone else take on some of your pain is a lot less about weakness, and much more about trust. 

Cassie likes to think she trusts Hannah, that she’s not a broken person who’s unable to love or give in fully to someone else, but the iron grip on her own fear remains. 

Some things are just not meant. 

“I’ll be okay,” Cassie murmurs, and she closes her eyes, waiting for the feeling to pass. She read somewhere that emotions usually last no longer than 90 seconds, that longer lasting emotions are only drawn out because you’re thinking about them. 

So she goes through a mental checklist of everything she needs to do to make her way back into the field. 

“You will,” Hannah agrees. Compartmentalizing is a skill she prides herself on, so there's a part of her that’s fascinated, watching Cassie shift so rapidly from vulnerable to composed. But the part of her that's invested here just hurts.

“If you ever want to talk, I hope you know I'll listen. Or I'll help you find someone to talk to if that's better. Just...packing things away only lasts for so long.” It goes against everything they learn going into the field. Hannah knows that. She'd struggled with it for a long time, coming back.

Cassie waits for a long moment before answering. She feels wooden and dull, and Hannah’s arm on her feels like a soft weight, but nothing more. Cassie can feel herself shutting down, and there is an aching feeling of regret. 

“I’m fine, really.” Cassie says lightly, and the kiss she plants on Hannah’s cheek is quick before she turns, slipping out of Hannah’s grasp, and laying still enough to fake sleep. Anger begins a slow build as she lays there quietly. 

Should have known you were gonna fuck it up. She thinks, and she’s so angry about it, because Hannah is the best thing that’s happened to her in years. Cassie wants to reach back and cling to her fiercely, but the part of her that knows she’s not the type of person to make lasting connections wins out. 

For Hannah, knowing rationally what Cassie’s doing doesn't help it hurt less. Particularly because it's exactly why things with Thea had ended. Circumstances had been different, sure, but being iced out felt the same either way. A few stray tears slip before she can stop them and Hannah draws a shaky breath, resolving not to let Cassie go as easily.

“It's a lot harder than that to get rid of me,” she whispers, though she doesn't move. If Cassie's not ready, she's not ready. Hannah can wait. As long as it takes.

Cassie doesn’t answer because Hannah’s words just fuel the anger. Not because they’re unkind, but because Hannah’s so damn understanding, so damn good to her, and she deserves none of it. The desperate part of her clings to those words though, because as hard as she fights this, she knows Hannah is important to her. Sleep takes a long time, but eventually she calms down enough to drift off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassie goes back to work, the girls go on a dinner date and end up in bed together (but not like that...yet), there's therapy and Chinese food and Jeremy. Moving right along!

Cassie spends the first three hours at her new job being processed through various security protocols, and she’s waiting on human resources when she allows her mind to drift from the task at hand. She hasn’t seen Hannah in several days, and there’s a pang under her breastbone whenever she thinks of her. Cassie’s finger hovers over the messaging app when they call her name, and she drops her phone into her purse. 

The sun is nearly setting by the time her work day ends, and Cassie feels unnaturally exhausted. All the time off has made her soft, and she vows to sneak in a few extra hours at the gym. On her way out of the building Cassie opens her phone again and opens the messaging app. 

C: Crazy first day, want to catch up over dinner? I heard Republic has some great live music. 

Hannah vows to give Cassie a few days of space. A new job and a new apartment feels like a whole lot of permanent, and she knows exactly how trapped that can make someone feel. The last thing she needs is someone hounding her. So Hannah steps back.

It’s nice, actually, to catch her breath. She gets a massage, gets her hair done, and cleans her apartment from top to bottom. When she goes to her therapist, though, everything sort of spills out of her and when she’s done talking, Hannah’s a little worried what she’ll hear. But to her surprise, the woman is just smiling.

“You’re doing good work, Hannah,” she says. “My only word of advice is to step back when you need to. And don’t let it smother you. You can’t be in charge of someone else’s recovery, only your own.”

Hannah commits those words to memory and leaves the appointment feeling validated. She cooks dinner dancing around her kitchen and singing along to the radio and it’s not until she goes to bed that night that she realizes she’s not actively missing something. Aside from wishing Cassie was here, Hannah’s content. It’s not something she ever expected to feel again. As she drifts off to sleep, she lets herself feel a little proud.

Cassie’s text comes in when she’s still at work the next day. The team’s just leaving Paris and Hannah needs a drink, or five. Seeing Cassie’s name on her screen brings more than a little relief.

H: I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect. Drinks are on me. Can’t wait to hear all about it. 6:30?

Cassie lets out a breath she doesn’t know she’s been holding, and she’s so relieved and happy she nearly bumps into someone as she leaves the building. Cassie gives a distracted apology and walks on, grinning at Hannah’s text. 

Even though Cassie remembers Hannah’s words to her, she realizes a small part of her had feared Hannah wouldn’t respond. It would have been a natural response after the way she’d treated her. 

C: 6:30 sounds great. 

Cassie shoots off the text and pauses slightly before typing in a second. 

I missed you. 

Cassie stares at it for a long time as she sits in her car, and eventually erases it. Vulnerability still doesn’t come easily.

Hannah has just enough time to freshen up before meeting Cassie. Her stomach flutters predictably at the sight of her, and she forgets about their little bump in the road--momentarily at least.

“Hey, beautiful. You waiting on someone?” she asks, grinning playfully.

Cassie’s heart jumps as she sees Hannah, and she nearly pulls her into a kiss right there on the street, but she hesitates and settles for a quick hug instead. It’s not what she wants, but the nerves prevent her from loosening up. 

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Cassie says, and she feels like she’s slipped on some ill fitting cover again. It takes everything in her to relax and grab Hannah’s hand, to trust that the genuine delight in Hannah’s eyes is for her. 

“Me too. Is this...do you want to go somewhere quieter?” Hannah wonders, instantly aware of Cassie’s discomfort. “I don't care where we are. I just wanted to see you.” She bites back the I missed you that wants to follow. Cassie doesn't need to feel guilty.

Cassie stares at the restaurant and realizes the last place she wants to be is this place filled with noise and people. It’s silly, considering she was the one who suggested it, but she lets out a breath and gives Hannah a grateful smile. 

“Yeah, god, sorry. I thought I wanted the noise until I got here and suddenly all I want to do is kick off my shoes and eat chinese food.” 

Her tension eases considerably, and Cassie marvels at Hannah’s instincts. Clearly, a quiet night in is exactly what she needs. 

“Your place?” Cassie suggests. 

“Of course,” Hannah agrees, squeezing Cassie’s hand. “Like I said, I just want you. I don't really care where.” She pauses, hearing herself, and laughs. “That sounds a lot like a proposition. I'm sorry, it's been a long couple of days.”

Cassie snorts out a laugh and grabs Hannah around the waist, kissing her hard. She loses herself in her for a moment, the warm softness of her body against hers, the way she tastes, and releases her with more than a little regret. 

“I would have been really disappointed if you hadn’t tried to proposition me,” Cassie says, sliding an arm around Hannah’s middle.

“There you are,” Hannah murmurs affectionately, leaning into Cassie. She presses another kiss to the other woman’s lips and just looks at her a second. Her therapist’s words echo in her head and Hannah realizes it goes both ways--Cassie’s not responsible for her trauma, for her past, for her hang-ups. They're both just trying, and whatever lingering hurt Hannah’s been harboring evaporates. “I really like you, you know.”

It makes her go soft inside, the way Hannah looks at her, and it hurts a little too, but Cassie thinks this might be the good kind of pain. It feels so damn good to have this back, the easy affection, the understanding, and Cassie realizes that she’s no longer tense. 

“I a little more than like you,” Cassie says, and she’s grinning like an idiot, but she kind of doesn’t care.

“Yeah? Lucky me.” Hannah kisses her one more time before leading her back toward the metro. “Tell me about your day.” 

She does, lamenting over the long hours spent being processed through security and human resources, and ends with a story about her desk mate Jeremy, who seemed nice despite his weird obsession with toothpicks. 

They’re walking up to Hannah’s apartment when Cassie mentions the thing that’s been bothering her all day. 

“There’s a psych eval. I have to go see someone for the next month, once a week. It’s gonna determine if I’m even fit for this damn desk job.” 

“Be honest,” Hannah offers gently. The eval doesn't surprise her in the least. She wonders if she should've warned Cassie about it sooner. “They're not looking for you to be okay. They're looking to make sure you can handle not being okay. I thought I would hate it but...it's been really good for me. Therapy in general.”

Cassie considers it for a moment. 

“Thanks, that’s good advice,” she says, and there’s a touch of relief at not having to be okay. 

“Not so sure about the therapy thing, but hey, it comes with the job right? Enough about my day, how have you been?” Cassie asks. 

“Stopped a terrorist from blowing up a carnival, watched one of our guys go undercover and...realized how much I missed it,” Hannah admits. “That high, walking out of something like that knowing you succeeded…” she shakes her head. “Kinda forgot how much of a turn on it was, feeling that unstoppable. But...today, I didn't feel like I was missing out. I missed the feeling, but not the reality. Because I knew I got to come home to my own apartment, sleep in my own bed. Progress, I think.”

Cassie knows that high, intimately. It’s what drives her so fiercely, and sometimes she thinks it is the only thing that keeps her from fully succumbing to the emotionless existence the job requires. 

Hannah’s words spark something in her. It’s small, but the ember burns. There hadn’t been much more than some monitoring work today, but she wonders if she’ll feel as Hannah did when she finally does guide one of the teams from behind the scenes. 

“I’m so happy for you,” she says, leaning against the doorjamb as they reach the door of Hannah’s apartment. 

“You’re pretty incredible you know that?” Cassie says, stroking a hand down Hannah’s arm. 

The touch is innocent, but Hannah’s still adjusting to this, to physical intimacy, in all its forms, and it sparks a little bit of warmth, stoked by Cassie’s praise.

“You, too, Cassie. I don’t date just anyone.” She offers a teasing wink before opening the door and letting them both inside. It’s easier to flirt than to think too seriously about how tenuous all of this is, how Cassie’ll go back to field work and Hannah will stay here and keep living her life. Separately. She has to physically shake that thought from her head. “Chinese, you said?”

“Yeah, sounds great,” Cassie says, taking in Hannah’s apartment. It’s warm and homey, and there’s the subtle hint of citrus that seems to cling to Hannah. Something about the place makes Cassie recognize that Hannah really has taken to life after the job. There are personal touches that are so Hannah that Cassie has to smile. 

She puts the heels she’s been standing in all day neatly by Hannah’s front door and moves to her, wrapping her arms loosely around her waist. 

“You’re just who I needed after today,” Cassie says.

At Cassie’s touch, Hannah instantly melts into her with a soft sigh. “Yeah?” It means more to her than she expects, hearing it aloud. “I missed you. I was so glad when you texted.” She leans her forehead against Cassie’s, her fingers toying idly with the hem of her shirt. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Cassie blows out a breath and tugs Hannah a little closer, brushing her lips lightly over hers. 

“I missed you too,” she says, and relief and happiness floods her, because she was missed, and wanted. She feels almost too needy, and the urge to cling to Hannah builds until she moves away unsteadily. The last thing Cassie wants to do is scare Hannah away. 

Memories of a young desperate girl surface, and Cassie is shocked to find the pain is just as fresh as it was all those years ago. She thought that time was behind her, and now she’s standing in Hannah’s kitchen about to lose it because she’s shown the same affection her heart ached for so many years ago. 

“Where’s your bathroom?” Cassie asks, and she knows she sounds off, her voice is pitched too high and her throat is tight. 

“Cassie.” Hannah knows she has to tread carefully. There’s a lot of risk here. But she doesn’t want to lose the ground they’ve gained because Cassie’s scared. “Don’t run away. Please? I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I want you here with me.” Inside her chest, her heart is racing, because there’s every chance she’s ruining this by pushing. But she has to try.

Cassie edges back until she bumps into the counter, and the feel of something solid against her brings her back from that wild space she’s in. She grips the edge of the counter and begins trying to work her way through her mental list, but it’s not working. The panic surges harder now, and Cassie looks desperately up at Hannah. 

Hannah’s words finally pierce through the haze, and Cassie takes a wobbly step forward, and then another. 

When Cassie looks at Hannah’s eyes she sees the smallest hint of fear, and she understands, even though she doesn’t know why, where that fear is coming from. Cassie trusts Hannah enough to let her see the first tear roll down her cheek before she wraps her arms around her again. 

“I’m still fucked up and I don’t how how to fix it,” she says in a shaky whisper, and she presses her lips together tightly because she’s too scared to break. 

“Oh, baby,” Hannah breathes, a lump forming in her throat. “My sweet girl. It takes time and work and it sucks. But it’s worth it. And you are so, so strong and so, so brave and I know you can do it. And I’ll be right here, if you’ll let me be.”

The hardest part had been doing it alone, she thinks. The loneliness had just about swallowed her whole.

She doesn’t feel like any of the things Hannah says about her, she feels wretched, and weak, and embarrassed, but something steady and bright keeps her from flying apart. Hannah’s words lodge themselves neatly into her heart, and Cassie feels the first band of panic loosen. A broken cry slips from her lips, and she presses her face harder into Hannah’s shoulder. The break is small, a crack in a solid wall, but even as the pain threatens to consume her, it lifts slightly. Although the modicum of control she’s gained back feels tremulous, Cassie sniffles and pulls lightly out of Hannah’s arms. 

“God I’m sorry, I wanted to be with you tonight, and just be happy, and here I am unpacking all my emotional baggage on you.” She manages to push past her embarrassment enough to glance up at Hannah, and notices the greyish stain of mascara on her blouse. 

“And I ruined your shirt,” she says with a pained laugh. 

“Guess you gave me an excuse to take it off,” Hannah returns lightly, reaching up to brush the drying tears from Cassie’s cheeks. “You’re gonna be okay. I promise you. I know it doesn’t feel like it now...but you will. Feelings suck but they can’t kill you. And the more you feel them, the less they hurt. The more you heal.”

Cassie nods, sniffling again as she rubs at what she’s sure is a mess of mascara and eyeliner under her eyes, and sure enough, her fingers come away blackened. She spots Hannah’s bathroom door and leans in to kiss Hannah lightly on the cheek. 

“Thank you for being here, from the beginning you…” Cassie trails off, because she’s at a loss. “You didn’t leave,” she says finally. 

“I’m gonna wash my face because I really don’t want to scare the delivery person away,” Cassie says, and even though she sniffles again she turns back to Hannah with a lascivious grin. 

“You really should take that shirt off. It’s completely ruined.” 

“I was kind of hoping you’d do the honors,” Hannah murmurs, feeling a little emboldened by her day, by Cassie. “When you’re done with your face. I’ll order the food.” Because now that the option is on the table, a large flock of butterflies has taken up residence in her stomach. And she knows she can back out--of course she does--but she doesn’t want to. Not really.

“That mouth of yours is dangerous,” Cassie mutters, as she makes her way to the bathroom, “in more ways than one.”

The thought of being intimate with Hannah lingers, and she feels the heat begin to pool in her belly as she washes her face, but something holds her back. It’s not fear, but an instinctual feeling that being with Hannah isn’t something she can do lightly. Cassie looks up at her reflection and frowns slightly. She swears something about her is just… different. Sure, her eyes are still a little red, and her face looks a little more vulnerable without the carefully applied makeup, but they don’t explain the strange sensation she feels, like she’s slightly unfamiliar to herself.  
Cassie frowns over the thought a moment longer before brushing it off and stepping out of the bathroom. 

Hannah’s back is to her as she orders delivery, and Cassie moves up behind her, sliding her hands over her hips to lay flat on Hannah’s stomach. She presses a kiss to Hannah’s shoulder over the fabric of her blouse, and lingers there for a moment. 

Cassie’s not sure she knows the steps to healing, but she does know she wants to try, for her, and for Hannah. 

Cassie’s touch only brings comfort, despite the nerves, and Hannah smiles a little as she hangs up.

“I meant what I said,” she murmurs, the words easier with Cassie behind her, not looking her in the eye. “I want you to see me.”

Mentally, she catalogs her scars, and Hannah feels the familiar lick of panic, icy cold as it settles in the pit of her stomach. But after a few seconds, it fades.

“I will,” Cassie murmurs, and although she has no intention of pushing them any further tonight, she tugs Hannah’s blouse out of her pants, and lets her fingers trace the bare skin just above her waistband. 

“When we’re both ready,” she whispers. Another piece falls into place as Cassie realizes Hannah is trusting her with this. Warmth settles in her chest and she smiles against her shoulder. 

Hannah’s breath audibly hitches at Cassie’s touch, heat sparking enough to chase away the threat of anxiety. 

“You're so good to me,” she murmurs, finding each of Cassie's hands and guiding them to the buttons at the front of her top. Hannah knows there's no expectation here, and it helps.

Her hands are shaky as she undoes one button first, then another. Cassie keeps quiet, even as desire builds, and works her way down the row of buttons. She lets the blouse fall open, but doesn’t move to take it off. Cassie grips Hannah’s hips lightly again before pressing her mouth to the spot between Hannah’s shoulders over the thin blouse. Slowly, deliberately, she kisses down the center of Hannah’s back, stopping just above her waist. Her fingers stroke feather light over Hannah’s sides, even as her own pulse jumps.

Hannah's never been good at staying quiet, not like this. Her breathing goes from uneven to ragged, soft little moans escaping her.

“Cassie,” she breathes, covering her hands but not moving them or stilling them. She just needs an anchor, something steadying because her head is spinning.

The sound of her name on Hannah’s lips sends heat arrowing straight into her core, and Cassie straightens, turning Hannah slowly to face her. Her breath catches in her throat. Hannah is so beautiful, even more so in her vulnerability, and she walks them both back until Hannah bumps against the counter. 

“I love the way you sound like this,” Cassie breathes, pressing hot open mouthed kisses to Hannah’s neck and shoulders. 

“God, you’re going to kill me,” Hannah whines, curling her fingers under the edge of Cassie’s shirt, her nails grazing the skin underneath. It’s the closest she’s felt to normalcy, to wanting without being afraid, and it makes her hopeful and emotional and needy all at once.

The contact makes the muscles in Cassie’s stomach jump, and she lets out an involuntary hum of pleasure against Hannah’s skin. She shifts the shirt off Hannah’s shoulders and lets it catch at her elbows, fisting her hand in the fabric, so Hannah is still mostly covered. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Cassie breathes, nibbling at Hannah’s pulse before she moves back slightly, trying to catch her breath, and waiting to see how Hannah reacts. 

It takes a couple of seconds for Hannah’s brain to catch up. She blinks Cassie into focus, and the way Cassie’s looking at her steals her breath away. 

“I’m all yours,” she promises, wrapping her hand around Cassie’s wrist, feeling the thrum of her pulse at her wrist.

It shouldn’t affect her like that when Hannah says those words, but her heart clenches anyway, and Cassie covers her mouth with a blistering kiss, pushing Hannah against the counter a little rougher than she intended, because this had been about being gentle, about making Hannah feel safe. Her heart wasn’t meant to get so caught up in this. Want and need tangle and rush through her, and she forces her hands to soften, her breath to stop going ragged. 

“I’m yours,” Cassie murmurs against Hannah’s lips, and her voice trembles slightly. 

The force of Cassie’s want leaves her panting and shivering and all Hannah wants to do is drag her to bed. But she can’t. Despite how powerful she feels, knowing she’s wanted, knowing she can make Cassie react like this, there’s still that fear in the back of her mind, the one that had left her fleeing in a panic, narrowly clinging to rationality. 

“Mine,” she whispers, to remind herself as her hands come up to cradle Cassie’s face, her thumbs skimming her jaw. “You have no idea how badly I want you.”

Cassie leans into the touch.

“If it’s any match for what I’m feeling right now I might have some idea,” she says, pressing a light kiss to Hannah’s lips before tugging her top up and slowly buttoning it back up, dragging her knuckles against the skin. 

“I’m sorry for running before,” Cassie says suddenly, not sure why that slipped out. 

“I-“ she pauses before looking at Hannah. “I’ll try not to do that.” 

“Okay,” she whispers. “But I’ll be here. If you do. When you do. I’m kind of stubborn like that.” Hannah slips her arms around Cassie’s waist and pulls her closer again, kissing the corner of her mouth. “We both deserve a little forgiveness. And a little happiness, too, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve you, but I’m not complaining,” Cassie says, enjoying their closeness. There’s a knock on the door and Cassie gives Hannah a quick squeeze.  
“I’ll get that,” she says, opening the door and handing the delivery girl some cash. 

They chat easily over food and wine, and for the first time Cassie realizes she’s not thinking about anything but Hannah and this moment.

Her goal of returning to the field has been an ever present thought in her mind since she’s returned, and there were times where she thought the only reason she clung so hard to it was to keep from falling apart. Cassie’s not ready to let it go, and she doesn’t think she ever will be, but she’s surprised to realize she feels content. 

It feels strange, like her mind is quiet after being filled with noise for months, maybe years. 

“Hey, where'd you go?” Hannah asks, studying Cassie curiously. There's no tension to her, no fear, but she's obviously not entirely present. “I'm not boring you, am I?” She tucks the hair back from Cassie’s face, tender and affectionate. It's rare to find no demons between them and Hannah is reveling in the temporary reprieve.

Cassie blinks at Hannah’s touch and laughs.  
“Boring me? You act like that’s an option,” she teases, taking a sip of wine. 

“No, I was just thinking. I feel happy,” she says, and then pauses. “I mean, I’ve been happy, I just-” everything she wants to say sounds ridiculously corny and Cassie shrugs at a loss for words. “This is different,” she says simply. 

Cassie links her fingers with Hannah’s and smiles.  
“You’re a big part of that,” she says. 

“I know exactly what you mean,” Hannah murmurs, lifting Cassie's hand and brushing her lips over her knuckles. “You're pretty incredible, in case no one’s told you that lately.”

Cassie smiles a little shyly at Hannah’s comment, but she’s warmed by the pride in Hannah’s voice. 

“You’re gonna give me a big head,” she says, a little distracted by Hannah’s lips on her knuckles. 

“There are other things I’d rather give you…” Hannah purrs, grinning, unfurling Cassie’s fingers and pressing a kiss to her palm, and then to her wrist.

“Oh god, Hannah,” Cassie says with a laugh, biting her lip as she watches her. 

“You can’t sit there, looking like that, saying stuff like that to me,” she adds, grinning affectionately at Hannah. 

Her mind wanders, imagining a little too vividly what Hannah could do with that mouth, and she clears her throat, reeling her thoughts back in.

Hannah giggles, watching Cassie’s thoughts drift. 

“But it’s so fun,” she murmurs. “Knowing I can do that to you. You do it to me all the time.” Her lips part over Cassie’s pulse and she sucks, holding Cassie’s gaze a few seconds before letting her go.

Cassie puffs out a breath, amused at Hannah’s giggle. 

“Hannah, you look at me and you turn me on,” Cassie says, bumping her thigh lightly with her knee. “I feel like a horny teenager around you half the time.” 

Her heart is fucking glowing, and Cassie feels so damn foolish, but she’d give just about anything to spend all her time watching Hannah this light and happy. 

“It’s nice to know I’m not the only one,” Hannah says, pulling Cassie’s hand into her lap and leaning against her side. “Pretty sure I’m running out of excuses for all the times Noah’s caught me daydreaming about you.”

The admission makes her blush because she’s always thinking about stupid things. It’s never about sex. It’s rarely even about kissing. It’s just about Cassie’s freckles and her smile and the sound of her laugh. It’s about how Cassie’s touch is never hesitant, how she’s never too gentle or too wary. How Hannah feels normal more often than not. And all of those things make Hannah feel young and innocent, which is an altogether unfamiliar feeling--one she doesn’t mind.

“Daydreaming about me huh?” Cassie says, leaning her head against Hannah’s.  
“That’s pretty damn cute Rivera,” she adds, pressing a kiss to Hannah’s temple. 

 

“I'm glad you think so.” Hannah squeezes Cassie’s hand and closes her eyes, committing this moment to memory, for a time less carefree. “Come to bed? I kind of just want to kiss you until we fall asleep.”

“Hmmmm, that sounds amazing,” Cassie says, grabbing Hannah around the waist and pulling her to her feet. She tugs lightly at Hannah’s shirt, giving her a playful grin as they move towards the bedroom. Hannah’s bed is large and plush, and Cassie sinks down on it with a satisfied sigh. 

“Come here,” she murmurs.

Hannah accepts the invitation gladly, crawling over Cassie, staring down at her. “Kinda love having you in my bed…” Her hands find Cassie’s and pin them lightly to the bed over her head, bending to almost kiss her. She stops short, Cassie’s breath ghosting her lips. “Now it’ll smell like you.”

Cassie feels a jolt in her stomach as Hannah’s hands pin hers to the bed. Heat rushes over her skin as she looks at Hannah, and she is well aware her breath comes out slightly erratically. 

“God you’re beautiful,” Cassie says, wetting her lips as she watches Hannah over her. 

“Mmm, you’re one to talk.” Hannah nips gently at Cassie’s mouth before actually kissing her, teasing her lips with her tongue, slowly deepening the contact with a soft hum of appreciation. There’s a line somewhere, but it feels far away when all she wants right now is exactly this--soft, slow kisses and the press of Cassie’s body under hers.

Cassie arches slightly against Hannah, because the soft kisses make her want, but she keeps herself still, letting Hannah move at her own pace. 

“I love the way you feel,” Cassie whispers, tugging lightly at the hands Hannah holds above her head. There’s a slight thrill of excitement at the loss of control. 

“This okay?” Hannah asks, pausing briefly when she feels Cassie fight her light grasp. Undoubtedly, Cassie could free herself. She’s incredibly strong and has just as much training as Hannah. But she still needs to be sure. Cassie stops fighting almost instantly though, and Hannah settles on lightly trailing kisses along Cassie’s jaw. “I’ve thought a lot about this, having you here…”

“It’s more than okay,” Cassie murmurs, her eyes fluttering closed as she melts under Hannah’s touch. It takes a few seconds for her brain to process what Hannah says, but then her eyes pop open, and she grins at Hannah. 

“Yeah? What kinds of things were you thinking about?” 

A blush colors Hannah’s cheeks and she ducks her head. She’s never been shy, especially not about things like this, but she’s incredibly out of practice and everything feels so damn new with Cassie. 

“What it’s going to be like to finally touch you,” she whispers, sitting back enough to slide her hands up Cassie’s arms, though moving means her hips settle more firmly, too, and Hannah trembles from the heat that sparks through her. “How badly I want to taste you…”

The line that had been a comfortable distance away is suddenly so much closer, and it’s thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

Cassie’s lips part and she’s practically panting as Hannah shifts against her. She squeezes her eyes shut, fighting the need to move against her, and shivers at the feel of Hannah’s fingers against her skin. 

Cassie smooths her hands up Hannah’s thighs, stopping to squeeze lightly at her hips. She goes a little brain dead at Hannah’s words, and she moves slightly to ease the building desire. Her imagination is running wild with her own suggestions of things she’d like to do to Hannah, but she keeps them to herself, letting Hannah go as far as she’s comfortable. 

“You’re so pretty when you blush like that,” Cassie says, reaching up to toy with the ends of Hannah’s hair. 

Hannah slides the hem of Cassie's shirt through her fingers, her gaze falling to watch because it's easier than looking at the other woman when she feels like this--needy and vulnerable.

“I always end up thinking about how much I love falling asleep with you. How much I love having you next to me.” Somehow, those words feel harder than the ones that came before.

Cassie’s heart thunders in her chest as a tingling warmth slowly spreads through her body. She sits up rapidly, catching Hannah as she tips back slightly, and flips them so Hannah is tucked in beside her. She presses a tender kiss to Hannah’s hair and smiles at her. 

“I love being with you,” Cassie says, “just like this, or doing anything really, it— you’re…” she huffs out a breath, searching for what she wants to say. “You mean a lot to me,” she says finally, tracing her fingers along Hannah’s hairline. It’s not quite right, there’s more, and not for the first time she wishes she had the ability to express her feelings more eloquently. But it’s a step in the right direction, and she takes it as a win for now. 

“I never thought…” Hannah’s words catch in her throat and she has to swallow and try again. “I didn't think I could ever feel like this again.” It's not some huge declaration. She's not there yet, and she knows Cassie’s not either, but it's a lot and it makes her hold Cassie a little tighter and tuck her face into the other woman's neck.

Her heart swells in her chest as Hannah clings to her, and she rests her head against Hannah’s. 

“Me either,” Cassie murmurs, and she lets the knowledge that she’s cared for settle within her. It’s odd how that takes work, and she takes a few moments to let the concept of it take root. Her hands stroke comfortingly over Hannah’s back, and she closes her eyes, soaking the moment in. 

There's not an ounce of panic or anxiety from Cassie's touch. Hannah barely notices she's touching her scars at all. Piece by piece, she's coming back together, and it feels a lot like victory.

\---------------------------------------

At her therapist appointment two days later, Hannah’s confronted by the one thing that’s been lingering in the back of her mind, the one she’s been practically obsessing over since Cassie had left her apartment on Tuesday morning, because her mind can’t seem to fathom just having a good thing and leaving it at that.

“So the emotional aspect is coming along. What about the physical intimacy?”

“We’re...taking it slow,” Hannah says.

“Her decision? Yours?”

“Mutual,” Hannah says, though she wonders. Cassie’s still not entirely healed, but she’s much further along now. “I don’t know.”

“You’re scared?”

“She knows about the scars,” Hannah murmurs, but it’s not an answer, not really. “I don’t know. I’m...anxious, I guess.”

“If she knows about the scars, where’s the anxiety coming from?” she asks in a tone that means she knows the answer already and is just waiting for Hannah to put the pieces together.

“I don’t know,” Hannah sighs, picking at a loose thread on her sleeve.

“That’s your homework for this week then. Think about that and maybe have a conversation with Cassie about it, too,” her therapist suggests and Hannah almost huffs.

“Will this ever stop being work?” she asks, only mostly kidding.

“If it does, you’re doing it wrong,” the woman offers kindly. “That’s not you or your trauma, Hannah. That’s just people.”

“Yeah,” Hannah sighs.

When she checks her phone, she has an email from Noah about the upcoming military ball and almost dismisses it before realizing maybe she shouldn’t. Just because the work is hard doesn’t mean she should stop doing it. So instead, she calls Cassie.

Cassie is just finishing her report when her phone rings. She smiles at the name lighting up the screen and adds a sultry purr to her tone as she answers. 

“Hey gorgeous, what are you wearing?” 

Jeremy’s head pops up from the file he’s reading, and she winks at him. 

Hannah laughs, the tension from her session draining at Cassie’s easy humor.

“Not a stitch. I prefer to do rush hour in the nude,” she returns easily, tipping her head back against the headrest and closing her eyes. She’ll drive home in a minute. “Tell Jeremy hi, by the way. If he survives until I meet him, it’ll be a miracle.”

Cassie hums with appreciation.  
“Ooh, that’s my kind of girl. Remind me to hitch a ride with you next time,” she grins up at Jeremy who looks slightly flustered. 

“Hannah says hi,” she adds, watching him nod in recognition. 

“Figured it was your girlfriend,” he mutters. “She’s the only one who makes you smile like that.”

Cassie pauses slightly, because she’d never officially called Hannah that, but the thought of it makes her happy, so she embraces it. 

“How are you doing? I missed you,” Cassie says, and the words slip easily from her lips now. 

“I missed you too, sweet girl.” Hannah’s smile widens. “Do you want to go to the military ball with me? Noah just sent me the email. I was going to decline but...I kinda like the idea of showing you off.”

Cassie leans on her desk and fiddles with one of the pens, catching herself as she swivels back and forth in her chair. You’re about one step shy of twirling your hair and giggling she thinks, amused at herself. 

“That depends, will you get me a corsage?” She asks, biting back a smile. 

“What kind of date do you take me for, Conner?” Hannah returns, biting her lip, a now-familiar warmth spreading through her. “I plan to show you off, remember? What good does it do if no one knows you’re mine?”

She does giggle at that, and catches Jeremy eyeing her with an amused expression on his face. 

“I’d love to,” she says finally, and she stops herself one loop short of doodling a heart on the notepad in front of her. She doesn’t need her skills as an analyst to figure out she’s smitten. 

“Great. I’ll forward you the email. I’ll buy the tickets though. And the corsage. Can I see you tonight?” The smell of Cassie is starting to fade from her sheets and Hannah wants it back. She pushes the niggling conversation with her therapist aside for now. Not something they can do on the phone anyway.

“Absolutely, I get off in an hour or so. I’ll bring takeout from the Thai place,” Cassie says.

She disconnects the call as they say their goodbyes, and speeds through the last of her paperwork. 

Cassie is on the last report when Andrew Williams, her boss, walks up to her. 

“Conner, psych’s waiting on you.” 

Her spine stiffens. 

“I don’t have an appointment.” 

“Yes, because you cancelled the last three.” He says flatly. “Get going Conner, it’s just a preliminary appointment.” 

The happy bubble in her chest pops, and her stomach drops. 

“Yes sir,” Cassie says, stacking her files neatly before grabbing her purse.  
Cassie nibbles on her thumbnail as she rides the elevator to mental health services. Nerves spark under her skin, but her demeanor is calm as she greets the counselor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's therapy and relationship discussions and making out...Oh, and the girls go on a date. This chapter is...probably slightly higher than T. Next chapter will DEFINITELY be higher.
> 
> Thanks, as always, to Lilly for the beta. And to the rest of thefab5 for everything ever.

It takes no more than thirty minutes, and Cassie breathes a sigh of relief as she leaves the office. There were a few questions about how she was dealing with the trauma, a few more about how she felt settling into the job, and then he’d sent her off with a date for a follow up appointment. 

 

Cassie tucks the slip of paper into her bag and strides out of the office, pleased to have that weight off her shoulders. 

 

She shows up at Hannah’s door with Thai food and flowers tucked under her arm. 

 

“You brought me flowers?” Hannah asks, delighted, when she opens the door. “You’re pretty damn cute. Not that I plan on spilling that secret to anyone anytime soon.” She scoops the flowers up and kisses Cassie lightly before ushering her inside. “How was the rest of your day?”

 

Cassie decides right then that she’ll bring Hannah flowers more often if it means she can see that look on her face. 

 

She snatches Hannah around the waist and gives her a loud smacking kiss on the lips before releasing her and setting the food on the counter. 

 

“Work was mostly the same, Jeremy’s pretty funny when he’s not being serious, and I think Addie might be warming up to me, but most of the analysts are pretty quiet. Not like the field team, they were pretty rowdy at times.” There’s a small pang of longing in her chest, but the grief doesn’t consume her as it used to. 

 

“Williams sent me to psych,” she adds, tucking her hair behind her ear and smiling up at Hannah. 

 

Hannah takes everything in stride until that last bit. She lifts her head, studying Cassie with a slight tilt of her head.

 

“And?” she prompts. “I mean, you survived obviously.” There are flowers, Cassie’s smiling, and it’s not the end of the world. That’s something. But Hannah refrains from outwardly celebrating just yet. She sets out the food instead, not wanting to appear like she’s scrutinizing Cassie. She’s not. 

 

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought,” Cassie says with a shrug. “He asked me a few standard questions, didn’t prod when I answered, and I have a follow up in a week.” She doesn’t feel as tense about it, and she turns to help Hannah with the food. 

“Not really sure what he wants to talk about that we haven’t covered today,” Cassie adds. 

 

Hannah bites back a smile, but the comment reminds her of her own homework, and she worries her teeth over her top lip as she spoons pad thai onto her plate. 

 

“If I asked you to come to bed with me right now...to have sex, what would you say?” She laughs a little at the bluntness of her own question, twirling a fork between her fingers. “This has a point. And I’m not asking, for the record. Not because I don’t want to. Ugh, never mind. Just answer the question, please?”

 

Cassie gapes slightly and waits for the air to return to her lungs. 

 

“Well what the fuck Hannah,” she says with a laugh, and she steps forward to frame Hannah’s face with her hands. 

 

“I would ask you if you were ready,” Cassie says, “When that answer becomes yes one day, then that will be my answer too. Sex is great, and I have no doubt that sex with you will be extraordinary, but this between us?” Cassie gestures, “this is deeper than sex.” 

 

Cassie lets her hands fall and spoons food onto a plate. 

 

“To be completely transparent, I probably have a few hang ups in the sex department too. It’s always been about scratching some itch, never letting anyone close. It’s never meant anything to me more than the physical release.” 

 

Although it has become easier to tell Hannah how she feels, exposing her vulnerability always causes that frisson of fear to skate up her spine. 

 

“I know that with you it’s gonna mean more than I might be prepared for, so maybe in a way I haven’t been ready either.” 

 

There's a weight that lifts at Cassie's words, one she hadn't realized she'd been carrying. Hannah sets her plate down to wrap Cassie in her arms.

 

“You're an incredible person, in case I haven't told you lately. I need you to remember that, okay?” She doesn't say it's for when things are hard, for when therapy dredges up things beyond bullets and terrorists. But she hopes Cassie remembers then, anyway.

 

Cassie closes her eyes briefly as Hannah holds her, and lets herself lean into her just a bit more than she would usually be comfortable with. Letting herself be cared for is new, but here she feels safe. Hannah’s words settle over her and she does her best to let them sink in. 

 

“I’ll try,” Cassie says lightly, giving Hannah a squeeze before releasing her. 

Jeremy’s words rush back to her in that instant and she takes the risk. Somehow, she knows it’s important for her to take that step, to give her trust to Hannah in this way. 

 

“Today Jeremy called you my girlfriend,” Cassie says casually, even though her palms have begun to sweat. “Usually that would make me cringe, or feel trapped, but it didn’t this time.” She pauses, still staring intently at her untouched food. “I felt happy, and-”  _ whole _ she wants to say, but that’s too much for now. Cassie steels herself against the nerves and looks up at Hannah. 

 

“So anyway, that was my clumsy way of asking you to be my girlfriend,” Cassie says, settling on a smile that trembles dangerously on the edge of a grimace. 

 

Hannah wants to laugh, not because she thinks it’s funny, but because it’s adorable and it makes her heart skip, but there’s the lump in her throat again and the sound comes out choked.

 

“I would love to be your girlfriend,” she agrees, raspy and breathless and grinning ear to ear.

 

Happiness floods over the nerves so quickly Cassie feels a little lightheaded. 

“You will?” She says, and she’s beaming as she grabs Hannah around the waist and smacks loud kisses on her cheek. 

 

“Oh you’re going to need a pet name,” Cassie says with mock seriousness. “Sugar lips, honey pie,” Cassie ponders for a moment and reaches down to give Hannah’s butt a light squeeze “Ooh, sugar buns, that’s the one, I’m feeling it.” 

 

“Oh God,” Hannah laughs. “Can you imagine the look on Jeremy’s face if he heard you call me that? But you can call me whatever you want. I just can’t promise I won’t come up with something worse.”

 

Cassie snorts and drops a kiss to Hannah’s shoulder. 

 

“Your mind is a dangerous place,” she says with a grin, “good thing I like danger.” 

 

“Good thing.” Hannah leans into Cassie, kissing her mouth, slow and lingering. There’s a sort of permanence that comes with the new title, as juvenile as it seems, and Hannah wants to relish it thoroughly. “Come on, danger girl. Before we get too distracted for food.”

 

“Mmmm,” Cassie mumbles and tugs lightly on Hannah’s shirt.

“If you’re trying to keep me from getting distracted it’s not working,” she says with a grin, but she releases Hannah and slides into a chair. 

 

There’s a warmth sitting in her chest that she doesn’t want to lose, and she puts a hand on Hannah’s thigh, trailing her fingers along the inside of her knee as she eats. 

 

Were she more adept, Hannah would probably try to eat left handed. She wants to keep touching Cassie, to stroke across her fingers and up her arm, to nuzzle into Cassie’s neck and find that spot at the hinge of her jaw that never fails to draw a quiet gasp, to breathe her in and remind herself that this is hers, and its real, and badass Cassie Conner is her adorable, kind of nerdy  _ girlfriend _ .

 

“I was going to suggest dessert, but you know, kinda don’t feel like moving,” Hannah murmurs, once their plates are empty.

 

“Will you consider moving to the couch, so I can pretend to watch a cheesy movie with you while I make out with you instead?” Cassie replies, scooting forward on her chair so she can place both hands on Hannah’s thighs. 

 

“You make a compelling argument…” Hannah agrees, curling her fingers into the front of Cassie’s shirt and kissing her, intentionally light and teasing. “You have yourself a deal.” She lightly pushes Cassie back and gets to her feet, leaving the dishes for later. 

 

They settle on the couch and Hannah instantly tucks herself into the familiar softness of Cassie’s body.

 

They decide on a predictable rom-com, and Cassie nuzzles Hannah’s neck as upbeat pop music begins to play. Her focus is entirely on Hannah as she slides a hand up her thigh. Cassie’s lips brush whisper-soft across the soft skin of her shoulder and the side of her neck, and she lingers there for a while.  

 

The heat of Cassie's mouth is slow, seeping through her, settling into her bones. The gentle pressure of Cassie's fingers on her thigh is something else, making her needy, shallowing her breath. Hannah can't stop the ragged panting or the soft half-moans from escaping, and she doesn't particularly want to. Her own fingers twine into Cassie's hair, tugging as her other hand slips under Cassie's shirt, tracing the smooth softness of her hip.

 

The sound of Hannah’s quickening breath has want curling low in her belly. Cassie corrals the need even as she lets out a slightly desperate sound at the way Hannah’s fingers pull at her hair. She leans into Hannah, not bothering to lift her mouth from her skin, and continues her languid journey along her collarbone. Cassie sneaks her tongue out, tracing it in a path from her neck to her ear, resisting the urge to scrape her teeth against the skin. 

 

She sucks lightly on the lobe of Hannah’s ear, and tries to keep focus even as her brain goes a little foggy. 

 

“Cassie,” Hannah breathes, trembling at the surge of heat that swells inside her. “Come here, baby, please.” She tugs, coaxing Cassie into her lap, just needing more of her, of  _ this _ . “You’re making me crazy. God.”

 

“Good,” Cassie hums against her neck, biting down gently on her shoulder as her hands trace up Hannah’s side. She rubs her thumb over Hannah’s lip, eyes drawn to the way her pulse beats in the hollow of her throat. 

 

Hannah catches Cassie’s thumb between her lips, sucking at it lightly as her hands slide back over her hips, under her shirt, and then retreat to dip under the waistband of Cassie’s pants, nails digging lightly into the top of her ass. With a careful swipe of her tongue over the pad of Cassie’s thumb, she releases it and kisses her instead, slow but hungry.

 

She rocks against Hannah before she can stop herself, and lets out a strangled gasp against her mouth as she stills. The pressure of Hannah’s fingers on her ass is distracting, and she thrusts her tongue into her mouth. She’s soft and firm beneath her, and Cassie bites back on her own desire in order to keep the pace torturously slow. 

 

Her hands slip up Hannah’s shirt, thumbs tracing along her ribs, and she marvels at the impossibly soft skin there.  

 

“You feel so good,” she breathes.

 

“Jesus, you can’t do that to me,” Hannah whines against her mouth, the combination of the friction of Cassie’s hips and the sweep of her fingers making her writhe a little. “But please don’t stop.” The teasing is torture of the best kind and it’s making her dizzy. Leaving one hand where it is, Hannah traces up Cassie’s spine with the other, shifting under the warm weight of her. 

 

Cassie arches at Hannah’s touch, her breath rushing out over her lips. She rolls her hips slowly, deliberately, against Hannah, and a soft moan escapes. She’s a little mindless with her own pleasure, but always in the back of her mind she’s keenly aware of Hannah’s body language. 

 

“I need you to tell me, when it stops being okay,” Cassie says, and the tips of her fingers skim down to Hannah’s stomach, and up again, to brush the undersides of her breasts over her bra. 

 

A broken rasp of breath pulls from Hannah’s throat and she arches into Cassie. It takes several seconds for her brain to catch up to anything Cassie’s said, and she swallows thickly, wetting her lips and blinking her eyes open (when had she closed them?) to find Cassie’s.   
  
“I know,” she whispers. “I think...as long as the shirt stays on I’ll be fine.” Her hand glides higher, skipping over the clasp of Cassie’s bra, fingertips skimming the contours of her shoulders instead. “You okay?”

 

Cassie leans down to press a soft kiss to Hannah’s lips. 

“More than okay.” 

 

She smooths her hands up Hannah’s abdomen again, waiting to see if it elicits the same reaction as her fingers tease at the edges of her bra. Cassie tilts Hannah’s head back gently and sucks lightly at the soft spot under her jaw. 

 

Hannah moans and it’s not even a little restrained. Her hands go still, completely unintentionally, and all she can think about is how good Cassie feels.

 

“Take me to bed?” she whispers, the request out before she’s even realized she’s thought it. “I want...We’re both still in work clothes and I…need more of you. Is that okay?”

 

There are lines here, clearly defined ones, and she knows that. But what she wants isn’t that. It’s about trust and about letting herself be vulnerable--about pushing her own limits when she feels safe and brave and cared for.

 

Her hand cups Cassie’s cheek, thumb brushing over the flush there, and even with all the heat between them, the warmth Hannah feels is something else entirely.

 

Cassie leans into Hannah’s touch and smiles tenderly at her. 

 

“Yeah baby, it’s okay.” Her heart is full of affection for Hannah as she shifts back, tugging Hannah up with her and leading her to the bedroom. 

 

She gives her a not so gentle push that has Hannah falling lightly on the bed and immediately crawls over her, dragging her up along with her and pressing hot open mouthed kisses to Hannah’s breastbone over the thin fabric of her shirt. Cassie moves down slowly until she gets to the sliver of skin where Hannah’s shirt has ridden up, and she licks and nibbles at the skin there, tugging lightly at Hannah’s pants to inch the fabric lower. 

 

Hannah barely manages to keep mostly still, her fingers carding through Cassie’s hair to anchor herself to something. The fire stoked by Cassie’s mouth has Hannah almost mindless with pleasure. “It's taking everything in me not to beg for your mouth,” she whispers.

 

Cassie hums against her skin and slides up so she’s face to face with Hannah again. 

“When you’re ready you’ll be begging for more than my mouth,” she says, and she slides a thigh up between Hannah’s legs to rest solidly against her. She takes her time, biting gently at Hannah’s top lip before sucking it lightly between hers. Her hand remains on Hannah’s hip as she teases her mouth with hers, melting against Hannah as her own skin heats. 

 

Hannah’s hands reach under Cassie's shirt again as soon as she's settled. Her hips shift restlessly against the press of her thigh, and Hannah’s fingers brush the band of Cassie's bra where it joins the cup.

 

The tip of her tongue slides against Cassie's lip as her foot finds purchase on the bed, leveraging her enough to press into the woman on top of her.

 

Cassie groans against Hannah’s mouth even as she moves against her, and she’s a little wild and desperate now as heat builds between them. 

 

“Baby, that’s so hot,” she murmurs, grabbing Hannah’s hips and moving them against her. 

 

“You know what it does to me, hearing you like this?” Hannah breathes, letting herself get a little lost in the friction of Cassie over her. Her hand moves higher until her she's tracing the swell of Cassie's breast against the edge of her bra, and her own breath hitches against Cassie’s mouth at how damn soft she is.

 

Cassie makes an unintelligible sound and arches into Hannah’s touch, almost as if her body has a mind of its own, and she releases Hannah’s hip to clutch her free hand at the sheets. 

 

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knows she needs to slow things down, and she tears her mouth from Hannah’s, dropping her head to her shoulder, and breathing heavily against her skin even as her mouth finds purchase at the side of Hannah’s neck. 

 

Hannah forces herself to breathe, withdrawing her hands to wrap her arms around Cassie instead. With anyone else, she might've considered the weight to be claustrophobic, but just now, it’s the only thing calming her racing heart.

 

“Fuck,” she whispers, giggling softly, flushed and giddy and way too turned on. “That was...torture.”

 

“Mrbghhh” Cassie mumbles against Hannah’s throat as she shifts them sideways so she can hold Hannah more comfortably.

 

Her heart is trembling on the edge of something terrifying, and as she lets her breathing slow, it naturally syncs with Hannah’s. Vulnerability rushes in, unexpectedly, and it’s chased by a tinge of fear. Cassie’s first instinct is to run, but Hannah’s touch holds her steady as she works her way through the feeling. 

 

It takes several moments, but Cassie relaxes again as the fear passes, and she’s left with a bright fullness.

 

“I think I might be able to form full sentences again in a few hours,” Cassie says against Hannah’s hair, and amusement curves her lips. 

 

Hannah's nose brushes Cassie’s collarbone and she hums, stretching languidly against her side.

 

“I think you might actually kill me. And I don't mind at all.” It's not just the physicality, either. There's a piece of her that only works with Cassie, one that makes everything not quite so sharp and heavy.

 

Cassie presses featherlight kisses to Hannah’s hair and temple, and eases away from her, giving her thigh a friendly pat. 

 

“Go take a shower,” she says, throwing an arm over her eyes. “I’ll be here, trying to figure out how my legs work.”

 

Hannah laughs but slides out of bed, her own legs a little unsteady. She snags a change of clothes from the dresser and then pauses in the doorway to look back at Cassie.

 

“You know, my bed looks a hell of a lot better with you in it,” she murmurs, leaving Cassie with a playful grin as she disappears into the bathroom.

 

She leaves the water on cold, enough that stepping under the spray makes her hiss through her teeth, but the shock of it does the job of chasing most of the heat away. Hannah stands there and watches the water swirl down the drain, until she's not actively trying to push away the memory of Cassie’s body against hers.

 

Hannah takes her time drying off and brushing out her hair, the rote tasks settling her further. She finally tugs on a tshirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants, though she spares an extra glance at her scars in the mirror. They look more faded than she remembers, less angry. Maybe it's just her imagination but it feels good, nonetheless.

 

Cassie gives Hannah a light smack on the butt as they pass each other on her way into the shower. She’d had the foresight to pack an overnight bag, and the significance of that is not lost on her. Her system still churns with need, and the smell of Hannah lingering in the bathroom isn’t helping. 

 

It takes much too long for the heat to die down, and Cassie’s skin still feels sensitive by the time she crawls into bed with Hannah. 

 

\-------------------------------------

 

Cassie is still smiling by the time she gets to the office. She’d spent the morning kissing Hannah awake, and then there had been a rush for bagels and coffee as both of them lost track of time. 

 

Jeremy eyes her as she walks in and he shakes his head. 

 

“What?” Cassie asks, plopping her purse down and settling into her chair with a slight flourish. 

“You look too damn happy to be coming into work at 8am on a Wednesday. It’s nauseating.” He says dryly, but there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. 

 

Cassie shrugs and whips out a chocolate chip muffin she’d snagged for him at the bakery. It had been easy enough to figure out they were his favorite. 

 

Jeremy grins and accepts it. “You know what, you can come in like this everyday if you’re gonna come bearing gifts.” He takes a huge bite and nods at the door to the conference room. “We’ve got a live case by the way, first one this month. There’s a team in Moldova.” 

 

Cassie feels anticipation thrum through her. It’s the first taste of field action she’s gotten in weeks, and she grins at Jeremy. 

 

The hardest part about field work had been doing nothing. Hannah had learned that early on. When the action happened, it was thrilling and terrifying and addictive, but the in between could be insufferable. The good thing about the DIA is there isn't much of the in between.

 

The morning after spending the night with Cassie (again), Hannah's faced with a new in between. The one where her team goes dark and there's nothing to do but sit there and stare at the monitors, hoping for them to flicker back to life. Because Mongolia is half a world away and there's nothing she can do about that.

 

She thinks maybe she'll pace a marathon before it's all over, and her anxiety ticks higher by the second, no matter how many breathing exercises she does.

 

“Go get some air,” Patricia says, quiet but firm, and Hannah does because she's learned to trust her director. 

 

It's not until she's outside, though, that she thinks to call Cassie. It's a strange disconnect between the professional part of her that has literally always functioned alone, and the personal, which she's still learning about. So she leans against the wall outside, letting the cold air ground her, and calls her girlfriend.

 

Cassie is about to walk into a briefing when her phone rings. She glances curiously down at her phone and is about to hit silent when she pauses. Hannah never calls her midday, and something feels off, so she tells Jeremy to fill her in and makes her way to the ladies room. 

 

“Hi baby,” Cassie answers as soon as the door closes behind her. 

 

“Hi.” Hannah’s voice comes out softer than she’d intended and she clears her throat, exhaling slowly and watching her breath cloud the air. “It’s been a rough day. I just...wanted to hear your voice.”

 

Just knowing Cassie is there on the other end of the line eases some of the anxiety rippling beneath the surface.

 

Hannah’s voice sounds off, and Cassie’s stomach immediately drops. Concern for Hannah has her clutching her phone harder. 

 

“What happened? Do you need me to come over there?” 

 

“No. No, it’s fine. I’m fine,” Hannah promises, immediately realizing maybe she needs to be a little more clear in these things where Cassie is concerned. “There’s just nothing to do but wait and it’s...I’m getting stuck in my head, that’s all. I just needed a reminder that there’s life outside this building, that I get to go home tonight--or, well, probably tomorrow. How’s work? I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

 

Cassie sits down as her concern fades and thinks of the briefing but shrugs it off. 

 

“No,” she lies. “I know you probably can’t tell me any details, but I’m here, talk to me.” 

 

Hannah laughs softly, a little impressed with herself for being able to discern Cassie’s lie, though she lets it slide because it’s for her.

 

“I just don’t like being out of control,” she sighs. “It makes me think about Mexico.” Absently, her fingers slide over her scar for the millionth time today. “And I know this isn’t that, but it’s still hard. I mean, I walked in here this morning, feeling like a million bucks, and all it took was one measly mission to take that away. It’s just hard not to feel defeated. Weak.”

 

Spilling her guts is something she reserves for people she’s paying to listen. But being with Cassie means trusting her, and trusting her means talking about things. Hard things. Strangely, just saying what’s in her head makes the burden easier to bear.

 

Cassie sighs and wishes she could reach out to touch her. 

 

“I’m sorry baby,” she says, her heart aching at Hannah’s words. She understands all too easily how horrible it feels to have control ripped from you. 

 

“The Hannah I know is anything but weak or defeated, one moment is not gonna take everything you worked for away from you.” 

 

The words settle into the empty space in her chest and Hannah finds herself nodding, despite knowing Cassie can’t see her.

 

“Thank you, sweet girl. I’m...gonna go back to pacing the halls and you should probably go to whatever meeting you snuck out of to talk to me,” Hannah says.

 

Cassie huffs at out a laugh at Hannah’s perception and shakes her head. 

 

“Should have known better than to lie to another spy,” she says. “Text me if you need me, I’m good at sneaking around.”

 

Cassie hangs up and slides her phone back into her pocket. It’s easy enough to slip back into the briefing without calling much attention to herself, and Cassie sidles up next to Jeremy who raises an eyebrow at her. 

 

“Everything ok?” He whispers.

 

Cassie nods, “I miss anything?” 

 

Jeremy grunts “Yeah, a ten minute passive aggressive speech about keeping the break room clean. The director is late,” he explains. 

 

Cassie is just about to respond when the tone in the room shifts as the director bustles in. 

 

Time practically flies after that, and she’s directed to a chair with a headset and a computer screen. Jeremy slides in beside her and his smile is electric. 

 

“Buckle your seatbelt, shit’s about to get real.” 

 

Cassie snorts at his enthusiasm and puts on her headset as voices spill out of the comms.

 

Hours pass and she’s exhausted, but energy thrums in her veins. A part of her is frustrated at her own inaction, but she feels a hint of the rush she used to feel in the field. 

 

Cassie looks at the clock and realizes it’s nearly one in the morning. She checks her phone, and is relieved to see there were no messages from Hannah. 

 

_ C: Work ran late, I’m heading to my apartment, call me when you get home. _

 

“What did I tell you?” Jeremy says, handing her a cold can of coke from the vending machine. 

Cassie grins at him as she accepts. 

 

“I won’t doubt you again,” she says, and she smiles because making a friend hadn’t been one of her goals, but it feels good nonetheless. 

 

“Makes you want to get back into the field again doesn’t it?” Jeremy adds, and he nods to the field application sticking out of one of her files. 

 

Cassie frowns. She hadn’t thought about it in weeks. 

 

“Yeah,” she says slowly. 

 

“Hard to have a girlfriend when you’re back in the field though,” Jeremy says, and he’s watching her carefully now. 

 

Cassie worries her lip as she stares at the application, and a pit forms in her stomach. 

 

“We’ll figure it out when I get there,” she says, but the thought doesn’t appeal quite as much as it did.  

 

Hannah finally gets into her car sometime around 6am. Almost 24 straight hours, which is nothing new, really, but she sits in her car for a long minute, in the dark, wishing it were summer, that the sun was creeping over the horizon. The darkness and the cold just make her more tired.

 

It takes maybe five minutes for Hannah to realize she has no desire to go home. She calls Cassie instead.

 

“Can I come over?” Forming more words--a greeting, an explanation, a summary--feels impossible right now. She just wants to sleep.

 

“Yes of course,” Cassie says. Her voice is still thick from sleep, but she’s already slipping out of bed and pulling clothing out of her drawer for Hannah. 

 

“I’ll put tea on for you. Are you hungry? I’ve got leftovers we can reheat,” she says, stifling a yawn as she flips on the lights in the kitchen. 

 

“Mmm, no, just need you and bed and sleep,” Hannah mumbles, already pulling out of the garage. “I’ll be there in 20.”   
  
She makes it in 15 and nearly falls asleep in the elevator, but then she’s at Cassie’s door and the thought of seeing her after this hell of a day brightens her, despite her exhaustion. She knocks lightly, knowing Cassie’s already waiting.

 

Cassie ushers Hannah in, curling an arm around her waist and shoving a glass of cool water into her hands. She presses a light kiss to her temple as she walks Hannah slowly to the bedroom and hands her a change of clothes. 

 

“Here baby, change and we can get you into bed.” 

 

Hannah’s almost too tired to think about changing in front of Cassie. Almost. But she ducks into the bathroom as the thought dawns on her. She’s already too done with this day. No new challenges needed. She crawls into bed beside Cassie and immediately settles against her, wrapping her arms around her and tucking her head against her chest.

 

“I‘m sorry I woke you,” Hannah mumbles. “I know you got in late.”

 

“I’m glad you did,” Cassie says, wrapping her arms around Hannah, and stroking soothingly down her arms. Her worry fades as Hannah drifts off next to her, but her own thoughts keep her from sleep as she stares at the woman next to her. 

 

Sadness pulls at her chest as she wonders if their relationship would survive her returning to the field. A part of her already knows that returning to the field means she has to turn off the piece of her that has come to life with Hannah. That thought hurts more than the idea of never returning to the field.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

Noah asks her out again a couple of weeks later. Hannah scrambles for an excuse before realizing she doesn't need one.

 

“I'm seeing someone, actually.” The words make her smile.

 

“Oh! I didn't realize...that's...that’s great, Hannah.” Noah seems genuine, and she's thankful for that.

 

“She’s coming. To the ball.” Hannah says, a little nervous about the prospect, wondering what he and Patricia will think. Because it's Cassie.

 

“Can't wait.” Noah wanders off and Hannah feels Patricia behind her.

 

“I look forward to meeting Agent Conner,” she says, casually, and Hannah’s eyes widen.

 

“Eyes in the back of my head, Hannah. I have to know what's going on at all times. She's been good for you.”

 

“Yeah,” Hannah agrees, her smile returning. “She has.”

 

The rest of the week is blissfully calm. It means Hannah feels prepared for Saturday. It means she does her hair and her make up and doesn't second guess when she looks in the mirror and likes what she sees. It means she digs into the back of her drawer to find the matching bra and panty set that cost more than the dress she plans to wear on top. It means the lace makes her feel sexy and bold, like she used to.

 

Hannah calls a car because driving tonight isn't happening, and makes it to Cassie’s predictably early, her stomach fluttering at the thought of seeing Cassie--and being seen with her.

 

She rings the bell, holding the corsage box carefully in her other hand, feeling a little like a teenager going to prom.

 

Cassie trips a little over the hem of her dress as she slips on her heels, and laughs at herself, because her nerves have been all over the place since she started getting ready. Tonight feels significant, and she doesn’t overanalyze why. 

 

Cassie smiles as she opens the door, ready to deliver a cheesy pick up line, but the ridiculous comment slips from her tongue as she stares at Hannah, at a complete loss for words. To say she looks beautiful is a complete understatement, and Cassie gapes at her as her brain tries to articulate something besides a faint humming sound.  

 

Hannah might’ve made fun if she were in any better shape, but the sight of Cassie draws her up short and she gapes a little.

 

“You…” she breathes finally. “Are so beautiful.”

 

She kind of can’t believe she gets to walk into a room full of people--many of whom they both know--with Cassie on her arm. Pride and happiness and disbelief swirl in her chest.

 

“I don’t think anyone’ll be looking at your corsage.” She holds out the box anyway, still distractedly staring.

 

Cassie’s fingers itch to reach out and touch Hannah, and her gaze drops to her painted mouth before she gives her a quick peck, careful not to smudge her makeup.  

 

“You’re stunning,” she breathes, and then grins at the corsage before slipping it onto her wrist. Hannah’s humor is just one of the things she adores about her. 

 

“I’m excited for you to meet Jeremy,” she says shyly. “He might know a considerable amount about you since I manage to bring you up so often.” 

 

“I...may have neglected to mention who my girlfriend  _ was _ ,” Hannah admits, grinning and clutching at Cassie’s hand because she really wants to kiss her properly, but not yet. Not with perfectly applied makeup that hasn’t been seen by anyone but her. “Patricia figured it out, but I’m kind of looking forward to Noah’s reaction.” 

 

Cassie grins at the thought as they make their way to the car. 

 

“It will be nice to see Noah again,” she muses, settling in beside Hannah as the car pulls away from the sidewalk. 

 

“You smell amazing by the way,” Cassie whispers, cuddling in beside her.

 

“If I didn’t want to show you off so bad, I’d suggest we stay home,” Hannah sighs, toying with Cassie’s fingers in her lap as they make their way across town. “But I can’t wait to dance with you.”

 

The drive to the hotel where the ball is being held isn’t far. They’re there in fifteen minutes and Hannah’s glad, only because being so close to Cassie and not being able to kiss her is more than a little maddening. She takes Cassie’s hand again once they’re on the curb and revels in not being even a little bit anxious.

 

“You ready?” she asks. “Last chance to back out.” 

 

“Ooh yeah, now that you mention it, I think I’m gonna go...” Cassie says, edging towards the car before breaking into a grin and clutching Hannah to her side. 

 

“I’m about to spend the night with my gorgeous girlfriend, even if all I’m gonna be thinking about is shoving you up against a wall in some dark corner and necking like teenagers.” Cassie says playfully, and happiness floods her as they step into the ballroom. 

 

“Mmmm, I wouldn’t object to a little of that. Later,” Hannah admits, pressing closer to Cassie as she scans the room, taking stock. 

 

There are more people than she’d thought there would be, more than half of them decked out in dress blues. Maybe she’s imagining it, but it feels like everyone’s attention is suddenly on them, and the pride comes back full force.

 

She spots Noah from across the room just as he sees her, and the flicker of surprise that crosses his face is visible even from here.

 

“Time to face the music,” she murmurs, a little relieved when Noah’s look of surprise morphs into a grin. By the time he reaches them, Hannah’s at least relatively sure he’s not too mad.

 

“Apparently I need to pay better attention,” he says once he’s close enough. “Or else I need to get a different job. It’s great to see you, Cassie. You both look stunning, by the way.”

 

“Thank you,” Cassie says with a grin, and releases Hannah to give him a quick hug. 

 

“It’s good to see you Noah, word along the grapevine is you’re working your way up to the director position someday,” she says sliding her arm around Hannah again, and leaning companionably into her. 

 

Noah blinks at that, blushing and grinning bashfully at the floor.

 

“Is that what they're saying these days? I hope it'll be a while before Director Campbell goes anywhere.”

 

“You'll make an exceptional director, Noah,” Hannah says easily, enjoying Cassie’s closeness. “You're fantastic at what you do.”

 

“Easy to do well when we have such a phenomenal team,” Noah returns, nodding over Hannah’s shoulder at Patricia. “Speaking of. I should  say hello. I'll see you both later. Congratulations by the way. I can't think of a better match.”

 

“Yeah,” Hannah murmurs. “Neither can I.”

 

Cassie bites back a smile as she looks after Noah, and presses her cheek against Hannah’s. Noah has always been sweet, and she isn’t at all bothered by the way his eyes had lingered just a bit too long on Hannah. 

 

“He likes you,” Cassie murmurs. “And not just in that way. He respects you, clearly a good judge of character,” she adds. 

 

“He’s sweet. He asked me out. Twice, actually. Had to tell him I was kinda taken,” Hannah says, snagging them each a champagne flute off the tray of a passing server. Alcohol is always free-flowing at these gigs, and tonight, she feels like celebrating. “To having the most beautiful date in the room,” she declares, raising her glass.

 

“Yes, I do.” Cassie says with a tender smile at Hannah, and she taps her glass against hers. 

 

“Ah, you must be Hannah,” a familiar voice says, and Cassie turns to see Jeremy walking up with a plate of hors d'oeuvres. “I can see why our Cassie gets all googly eyed everytime you call,” he adds, and reaches out to shake Hannah’s hand. 

 

“I’m Jeremy, I’m sure Cassie has been gushing about me.” 

 

“Googly eyed, huh?” Hannah pokes her tongue out at Cassie and teasingly bumps her hip. “Good to know. And I’ve heard only good things about you. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. You are...exactly how I pictured you. Thank you for making office life a little more bearable.”

 

Cassie flushes a little, but she’s more amused than embarrassed.

 

Jeremy grins and turns to wink at Cassie. 

“She doodles hea-” 

 

“Okay!” Cassie says with a half laugh, silencing him. “Storytime is over.” 

 

He laughs and gives Hannah a mock bow. “Wonderful to meet you Hannah, I look forward to seeing you again.” 

 

Cassie shakes her head as he walks away, and reaches out to slide her fingers through Hannah’s. 

 

“He’s cute,” Hannah declares once he’s gone. “Not as cute as you, but cute. Will you come dance with me?”

 

There are other people they need to mingle with, but Hannah just wants a few minutes before she really has to do the whole diplomacy thing and share her time.

 

“Of course,” Cassie says, and she takes Hannah’s hand and leads her onto the dance floor, giving her a little twirl before pulling her snugly into her arms. 

 

“He’s right you know. You do make me happy,” Cassie says as she traces her thumb in circular motions at Hannah’s waist. 

 

“The feeling is definitely mutual,” Hannah replies, leaning into the familiar warmth of Cassie’s body. “You’re pretty damn incredible. I still can’t believe this is real.” She laughs softly. “Which sounds so damn cheesy. I just never thought I’d find anyone who would make me feel like this. I don’t think I even knew I  _ could _ feel like this.” Her hand slides to the small of Cassie’s back, holding her closer.

 

Cassie wants to tell her how she’s warmed a piece of her that had gone cold years ago, but her throat is too tight with emotion to speak, so she presses her cheek to her hair instead and closes her eyes. 

 

They sway with the music for a while, and Cassie feels her heart tip in her chest. 

 

“You mean everything to me,” Cassie murmurs. 

 

Hannah lets out a helpless laugh around the lump in her throat and pulls back enough to cradle Cassie’s cheek in her palm.

 

“We need to wait to have this conversation,” she whispers, blinking back tears as they blur her vision. “We both spent way too much time on our makeup.”

 

But her heart swells in her chest, just looking at Cassie, knowing how much this matters to both of them.

 

Cassie feels tears prick at her own eyes and she nods. 

 

“Yes,” she says simply, and she pulls Hannah’s hand to her lips, pressing a soft kiss there. Her heart squeezes, and then she glances up to catch Jeremy grinning at her. He gives her a thumbs up, and she laughs, lowering her head to Hannah’s shoulder. Her heart feels full after being broken for far too long. 

 

At some point, the lump in her throat recedes and Hannah feels a little steadier. The director is standing not too far away and there are other people she needs to see, too.

 

“You ready to go meet the boss?” she asks, reminding herself that she gets to take Cassie home at the end of the night, so sharing her for a little while now isn’t going to kill her.

 

“The famous Patricia Campbell? I’m not sure I ever will be,” Cassie teases, but she allows Hannah to lead her to the blonde woman scanning the crowd. 

 

“I was starting to think you were avoiding me,” Patricia teases with a smile as they approach. “Miss Conner. You look considerably better than you did last time I saw you.” The grainy video feed feels like several lifetimes ago to Hannah. “Analyst life not treating you too poorly, I see.”

 

Cassie extends a hand to Patricia. 

 

“Director Campbell, it’s an honor to meet you. I wouldn’t have made it out of Moscow alive without you and your team,” she says, and her smile is genuine. 

 

She keeps a hand at Hannah’s back as she tucks her hair behind her ear. 

 

“Working on the other side of the screen has been illuminating, and I have to say I respect the people guiding the field teams even more now that I’m in their shoes,” Cassie adds. 

 

“Well, we’re lucky to have you. And something tells me you would’ve gotten out no matter what, but I’m happy we could help. I’m glad you could make it tonight. You deserve to enjoy the finer points of our career.” Patricia raises her glass demonstratively. “Both of you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I see a platter of crab cakes with my name on it. Have a wonderful evening, ladies.” She winks at Hannah as she walks away.

 

“You know, I’d say I want to be her when I grow up but I don’t think I’d even come close,” Hannah muses.

 

Cassie brushes a finger gently along the inside of Hannah’s arm. 

 

“She’s pretty damn amazing,” Cassie agrees, “but I will disagree, and say that there’s no one that quite compares to you, baby.”

 

“You're only saying that ‘cause you're hoping to get lucky tonight,” Hannah purrs teasingly, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Cassie’s mouth.

 

Cassie laughs at that as she snags them each a flute of champagne from a passing waitress. 

 

“So what I’m hearing here is that there’s a chance I can get lucky tonight,” she tosses back with a wink. 

 

“Mmmm.” Hannah’s tongue darts out to lick the champagne lingering there and she lowers her voice for only Cassie to hear. “If you like the dress, you should see what’s under it.”

 

Admittedly, she hadn’t consciously thought about Cassie seeing her in any state of undress tonight when she’d gotten ready for the evening, but now Hannah wonders if her subconscious had been aware all along.

 

Cassie gapes at Hannah for a moment before closing her mouth and letting out a strained laugh. 

 

“You can’t say things like that to me in public,” she groans, “I’m going to be distracted all night.” 

 

She reaches for Hannah, and smooths a hand over her waist, needing the minimal contact to tide herself over. Cassie tries to regain her composure for all of five seconds before a rakish grin slips over her face and she leans into Hannah. 

 

“As beautiful as you look in this dress, imagining peeling it off you inch by inch is becoming more tempting by the minute.” She whispers, allowing some of the heat to creep into her eyes.

 

The thought has Hannah trembling, a faint flush rising in her cheeks. She expects some anxiety to follow, but the flutter in her stomach is all want.

 

“Guess we should make the rounds then, hm?” she asks, her gaze dropping from Cassie's darkened eyes to her mouth before flicking upward again.

 

Curled around the desire is a sharp pull of affection for Hannah that leaves Cassie faltering slightly. She’s not used to the combination, so when her hand grips Hannah’s she squeezes harder than she means to for a moment. 

 

“Yes, we probably should,” Cassie murmurs. 

 

Hannah studies Cassie briefly with a soft smile and then leads her off into the crowd. She knows a surprising number of people, now that she's looking. It feels oddly good, mingling and chatting and introducing Cassie as her girlfriend. She gets introduced a fair amount, too, and by the end of the evening, she's buzzing. It has nothing to do with alcohol and everything to do with the overwhelming realization that she's had an entire evening of  _ normal _ .

 

“I really want to take you home,” she murmurs, as they make their way out to find a cab. “But I've kind of been waiting all night to kiss you properly.” Hannah draws Cassie close to her, cradling her cheek and claiming her mouth, equal parts hungry and tender.

 

Cassie’s hands come to Hannah’s hips, and her fingers flex there as Hannah’s mouth moves over hers. Kissing her feels different tonight, in a way that she can’t quite wrap her brain around. There’s a different kind of wanting here that scares as well as thrills her. She pulls back, more than a little breathless. 

 

“If I keep kissing you like this it’s going to melt my brain,” Cassie says with a laugh, and she steps up to the cab to open the door for Hannah. 

 

She slides in close, slipping an arm around Hannah and strokes her fingers lightly over her wrist. 

 

“Thank you for tonight.” 

 

“Thank  _ you _ ,” Hannah murmurs, tipping her head against Cassie's shoulder and lightly nuzzling her neck. “I wish I could go back and tell myself from two years ago what was waiting for me.”

 

She’s under no illusion that she's suddenly in the clear, that she won’t wake up tomorrow in the throes of a panic attack. But the good makes dealing with that easier.

 

Emotion clogs Cassie’s throat, and she presses her lips together even as her skin heats. There’s a beat of silence as Cassie tries to formulate her words. 

 

“I haven’t been sure of anything since Moscow, but this…” Cassie trails off and bites her lip because she can’t quite finish without her voice trembling. “This I’m sure of.” 

 

Hannah lifts her head again to feather soft kisses along Cassie’s cheek, fighting the tension in her throat as emotion threatens to spill out of her.

 

“I love you.” They're words that have always brought a flutter of excitement, but tonight, they bring a sense of calm. “So very much.” 

 

Tears roll down Cassie’s cheeks before she can stop them, and she covers her mouth with her hand. It’s impossible to reel in her emotions this time, and she realizes it’s because she doesn’t want to. Feeling this way makes her want to fight for the intangible something that’s always hovered on the horizon of her life, and another piece slips into place inside her.

 

Cassie sniffles and presses a hand to her mouth to stifle her crying, but it’s pointless. She’s a quivering mess. 

 

She laughs, and it sounds a little like a sob as she pats at her eyes in a futile attempt to stall the tears. 

 

“I love you too,” she gets out, but her voice is trembling and she can’t say anything else.

 

The cab driver clears his throat pointedly, and Hannah looks up to realize they're at Cassie’s place.

 

She pays with a generous tip because her hands are shaking too bad to count bills and she just wants to be done and alone with Cassie, who she has yet to let go of.

 

“Come on, beautiful. Let's go inside.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah and Cassie go to the ball. And then they go home. Please note the change in rating. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, on we go! This collab has been SO.MUCH.FUN and we're not done yet (there's still about 50 pages written that aren't posted after this chapter, and we're not quite done writing either). They're both becoming slightly less...messy, which is the goal, so yay progress!
> 
> It bears repeating, this chapter is NSFW. The rating has changed, friends. That's your last warning!
> 
> THANK YOU 5EVER to Lilly for beta-ing all of this. That's a LOT of beta. We love you!! And to the rest of thefab5 for just being the best.

Her hand skims the familiar curve of Cassie's spine as she unlocks the door, and Hannah can't resist kissing the slope of her neck where it meets her shoulder, the skin warm and soft under her lips. She's waited all night, but even just a few seconds more feels like torture. 

Cassie tosses her keys at the basket and they miss completely, skidding off the table and landing on the floor, but she’s already pressing Hannah into the wall and covering her mouth with hers. 

“I’ve wanted to put my hands on you all night,” she breathes, and she sneaks her tongue out to tease Hannah’s lip. Her hands fist in the fabric of Hannah’s dress as she kisses her, leaning into Hannah, reveling in the way she feels against her. 

Feeling brave and eager and hungry, Hannah arches into the soft press of Cassie against her. All the heat and the want that have been building slowly all night flood to the surface and Hannah moans.

“Just your hands?” She tugs Cassie's hips closer, her knee slotting easily between Cassie’s thighs.

Cassie grins against her lips, her breath coming a little unevenly as she moves against the press of Hannah’s thigh. She slides a hand up Hannah’s back and fists a hand in her hair, tugging gently to tip Hannah’s head up. 

“Maybe I thought about putting my mouth on you. That thought might have come up a lot,” Cassie murmurs, brushing her lips along the column of Hannah’s neck. She dips her tongue into the hollow of her throat and hums against her skin. 

Hannah sucks in a ragged breath, her eyes falling shut as her hands slip over Cassie’s ass, tugging her closer.

“God, you make me insane,” she whispers. “Just being around you tonight...It was intoxicating. You're so beautiful, baby, and all mine.” 

Cassie gasps against Hannah’s skin as heat pools in her center. Her eyes travel over Hannah’s flushed cheeks and she cradles her face, brushing feather light kisses over her lips. 

“You’re mine,” she murmurs, letting her fingers brush lightly along the length of Hannah’s arms. 

Goosebumps spread in the wake of Cassie’s touch and Hannah tips her head further back against the wall, whimpering softly.

“Yours.” It’s something Hannah hasn’t felt in a long time, the sense of belonging to someone, of being a part of them and having them be a part of her, too. It’s grounding amidst the heat and she lets herself breathe, even as she shifts against Cassie, seeking more friction.

“Mine,” Cassie repeats, stroking along Hannah’s shoulder, and smoothing a hand up the side of her neck to hold her head back gently with a thumb at her jaw. 

She nibbles delicately at the tender skin there, pausing to suck lightly at her pulse point, before traveling down and mouthing at the swell of her breasts. Cassie traces a finger along the top of the dress, and down along the side of Hannah’s breast, hinting at the contact, and making sure Hannah doesn’t tense. 

Hannah bows more sharply off the wall, her lip catching under her top teeth as the shift brings her flush with Cassie’s thigh. With the dress in the way, it’s hardly anything, but it feels like more. They’ve gone further than this--Hannah hasn’t stopped thinking about the heat of Cassie’s mouth on her skin--but there’s a certainty now that wasn’t there before.

“Cassie,” she rasps, like she needs the reminder that this is real, that they’re both really here, together.

Cassie grips Hannah’s hips, stumbling a bit as Hannah arches sharply against her, and cups her breast over the dress, squeezing lightly as she rubs a firm thumb over her. There’s too much fabric and padding, but it feels safe, a way to test the boundaries without pushing Hannah too far before she’s ready. 

“Kiss me,” Hannah pleads, lifting her head, seeking Cassie’s mouth. She can already hardly catch her breath. Her fingers brush almost absently over the zipper on Cassie’s dress, and then stay there. All she can think about is having Cassie’s skin against her own. The warm weight of the hand on her breast isn’t anywhere near enough and it’s the first time need outweighs the fear.

Cassie obliges, holding Hannah’s chin firmly in her hand, and gives her a chaste kiss. She’s purposeful in her movements, brushing Hannah’s lips lightly with hers, and then pulling away. Cassie leans in again, capturing Hannah’s lower lip gently with her teeth, and pulling softly before releasing it. 

Everything Cassie’s doing is so careful, so deliberate, though that’s far from surprising by now. Hannah wants to be just as measured, just as sure. Finding Cassie’s hand, Hannah squeezes gently and eases her back.

“I love you.” The words bring a smile to her lips. “And I meant what I said about you seeing what’s under this dress. If you want to.”

Cassie’s breath catches in her throat as the weight of Hannah’s trust sits warmly in her chest. 

“Of course I want to,” Cassie says, and she takes Hannah to the bedroom where she flips on a lamp to bathe the room in a dim golden glow. Her own nerves tremble underneath the surface. She wants to make Hannah feel safe and loved. 

Cassie cups Hannah’s face in her hands. 

“I love you,” she says, her voice steady as she finds the zipper of her own dress and tugs it down, letting the dress fall with a soft swish. She steps out of her heels and reaches for the zipper on Hannah’s dress, tugging it down as she brings Hannah’s arm forward to hold the dress up. She wants the final choice to be Hannah’s. 

“Where on earth have you been hiding?” Hannah wonders, shaking her head a little in disbelief, too caught up in Cassie’s thoughtfulness to spare much thought to her state of undress. “I never thought sharing this part of myself would feel good. I thought I’d have to fight for it, like everything else. And I guess maybe we did fight for this, hm? But it feels...different. Better.”

The decision to let the dress slide over her hips and pool at her feet comes easily, and the urge to cover herself, to hide her scars, isn’t even an afterthought. Hannah lets Cassie look--wants her to--and only feels cared for.

Cassie is breathless for a moment as she looks at Hannah. Her skin is golden and smooth beneath the dark blue scalloped lace. Scars mar the skin, but they take nothing away from the glowing beauty. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Cassie says, stepping forward to skim her fingers up Hannah’s sides. “I want it to feel good, safe,” she says, kissing Hannah tenderly. 

“You have always felt safe,” Hannah murmurs against her mouth, her fingertips brushing Cassie’s jaw and then down the side of her neck. “Always.” Still stealing slow kisses, Hannah moves closer, pausing only briefly before letting the length of her body press into Cassie’s. The softness is familiar--it’s everything she’s come to know and love about the way they work together--but the pure heat of it steals Hannah’s breath and has her clutching a little desperately at Cassie.

Cassie moans softly against Hannah’s mouth as the contact sparks heat in her veins. 

“Good,” she whispers, her voice trembling at the warmth of Hannah’s skin against hers. She can feel Hannah’s desperation, and her own need claws at her. Cassie wraps an arm around her and turns them both, pulling Hannah onto the bed beside her. 

They lay on their sides facing each other as Cassie traces her fingertips over the lace at Hannah’s hip, kissing her slowly and deeply. 

Hannah’s hands wander, too, over parts of Cassie she's already touched, but it feels markedly different now. She hums into Cassie's mouth, sucking lightly at her tongue as her knuckles drag over the curve of Cassie's breast through her bra. Her palm fits to the soft swell and she shivers, heat thrumming, slow but insistent, settling low in her belly.

Cassie leans into Hannah’s touch, letting her fingers trace over her skin, but she avoids the scars at the back. They have taken a big step already. Her hands smooth over the taught skin of her belly instead, and she brushes over the scar there, because Hannah has trusted her enough to guide her hands along it once before. 

The muscles in Hannah’s stomach jump under Cassie’s touch, her breath catching. Her mouth slackens, though she doesn’t pull away.

“God,” she breathes, tracing the edge of Cassie’s bra against the smooth warmth of her skin. Her lips dip to find the underside of Cassie’s jaw and she kisses down her throat, breathless but unhurried.

Cassie’s eyes flutter closed at the feel of Hannah’s lips against her skin, and shivers race down her spine. A flicker of heat sparks in her core, and she smooths a hand over Hannah’s breast, squeezing lightly. 

Hannah does pull away, then, but only so she can nudge Cassie onto her back and slide over her, kneeling across her hips. She takes a minute just to look, to appreciate the faint flush to Cassie’s skin, the slightly ragged rise and fall of her chest. Her nails drag over Cassie’s skin, light and teasing over her stomach and along her hips, mindful of her healing scar.

“You’re so perfect, baby...so perfect.” Leaning down, Hannah’s lips again find Cassie’s neck, her lips parting over her pulse as she sucks carefully, mindful not to leave a mark.

Cassie sucks in a breath, and squirms under Hannah’s touch even as her head falls back. Her own hands reach up to tug Hannah’s hips more solidly against her and she groans at the contact. Her skin comes alive as nerve endings spark along the surface.

Hannah grins against her skin before dragging her tongue up the other side of Cassie’s neck, taking full advantage. 

“I love seeing you like this...feeling you,” Hannah whispers, rocking her hips just slightly to tease, though it sends heat coiling so fast inside her that she gasps.

“Hannah,” Cassie pants, her fingers digging into Hannah’s hips as she moans at the feel of her tongue against her neck. 

“Baby, you’re driving me insane,” she rasps as she tries to remember how to move. Her hands drop from Hannah’s hips to trace along the inside of Hannah’s thighs. 

“Good,” she purrs into Cassie’s ear, even as she barely manages to stop herself from writhing. “Turnabout’s fair play.” She goes back to Cassie’s neck, bracing one hand over Cassie’s head, freeing the other to resume her exploration of Cassie's chest. “Can I take this off?” Her fingers tug gently at the strap of her bra.

Cassie arches up and reaches to unsnap her bra in answer, kissing Hannah before she sinks back into the mattress. 

“Remove as much clothing as you like,” Cassie says with a coy smile, her fingers toying with the lace at Hannah’s hip. 

Drawing the loosened garment from Cassie’s chest, Hannah bites her lip, staring down at her in concentration.

“You…” she trails off, shaking her head, stroking her hands up Cassie’s arms, still just looking.

Want curls in her belly as she watches Hannah’s eyes travel over her. Cassie’s tongue sneaks out to wet her lip, and she dips a finger under the lace, tracing along the edges. She waits breathlessly for Hannah to make a move, as the hand that remains on her thigh squeezes slightly in anticipation. 

With Cassie’s hands driving her to madness, Hannah smooths her own hands over Cassie's shoulders, down to her chest, trailing reverently over her breasts. It's been a painfully long time since she's touched a woman like this, and memory has dulled how good this feels. With her teeth worrying at her lip, Hannah lets her thumb circle one nipple.

The immediate heat scorching through her takes her by surprise, and Cassie bows up on a stuttering moan. She digs her fingers into Hannah’s thigh before remembering herself, and forcing her fingers to relax.

“You're not going to hurt me, baby. I'm okay,” Hannah murmurs, covering Cassie’s hand with one of her own. She plucks carefully at the stiffened peak under her fingers as she bends to kiss her.

Cassie takes her mouth hungrily, arching into Hannah as goosebumps raise her flesh, and then pushes herself up so Hannah slips into her lap. She tugs Hannah against her, seeking the warmth, and lets her own hands travel to Hannah’s breasts, stroking over her nipples through the lace as she watches Hannah. 

“May I?” she asks, sliding one hand to the clasp of Hannah’s bra. 

“Please.” Hannah barely recognizes her own voice; it’s hoarse and low and breathy as she lets herself move against Cassie. Her parted lips drag down Cassie's neck, her breath coming in ragged pants.

The warm wet heat of Hannah’s mouth against her skin causes her fingers to fumble, but Cassie manages to unclasp her bra and let the lace fall away. Hannah’s mouth is driving her wild, and Cassie gives in to the pleasurable sensation for a moment, letting her head fall back as her hands go limp. 

Wetness pools between her legs as Hannah moves against her, and Cassie bites down hard on her own lip, letting the pain pull her back from the mindless pleasure. 

“Lean back,” Cassie murmurs, giving Hannah a gentle nudge as she captures her wrists and plants them behind her so Hannah has to use her arms for balance. “Perfect,” Cassie says reverently, trailing her fingers over Hannah’s stomach and up over her bare breasts, grazing her palms feather light across the hard peaks. 

“Oh god,” Hannah moans, her head dropping back, hair spilling over her shoulders, the ends brushing her elbows as she arches into Cassie’s hands. The sort of restless roll of her hips grows instantly more deliberate, the pressure and the friction dragging an endless stream of broken, desperate sounds from her throat.

Cassie increases the pressure, using firm strokes to keep Hannah making those sounds that send heat arrowing into her. The pressure of Hannah against her draws a low moan from her lips, and Cassie’s eyes briefly close before she drops her lips to Hannah’s breastbone. She licks lightly at the soft skin there, moving up to kiss along the skin, and nips at Hannah’s collarbone. 

“Baby, I love the way you sound,” Cassie murmurs against her skin, before clutching at Hannah’s waist and lowering her mouth to her breast. 

Hannah cries out softly, lifting one hand to card her fingers through Cassie’s hair and pull her closer.

“Cassie,” she chokes out, shuddering, her hips stilling because the pressure is almost too perfect. “God, you're killing me.”

The way Hannah trembles against her spurs her on, and Cassie sucks gently at her breast, reaching up to work her hand over the other one. Her skin is unbelievably soft. The feel of Hannah against her is almost too much, and Cassie moans at the sensation of Hannah’s fingers running through her hair. 

The vibration of Cassie moaning against her skin has Hannah’s own moan filling the room. She's spent an embarrassing amount of time fantasizing about Cassie's mouth, but reality is so, so much better.

When her arm threatens to give out from how bad she's shaking, Hannah tugs Cassie’s mouth away, panting. She presses her forehead to the other woman’s and tucks an errant strand of fiery red hair behind her ear.

“I want you,” she whispers. “I want...all of this. With you, Cassie.”

“Yeah?” Cassie asks, and she has to take a moment to work through her own feelings, because tonight means so much more than the physical intimacy between them. Cassie pulls Hannah gently against her and strokes her fingers through her hair. 

Hannah exhales shakily, looping her arms around Cassie’s shoulders and leaning into her. She tucks her head against Cassie’s neck and just breathes for a minute, letting some of the immediate want dissipate.

“It doesn’t have to be tonight,” she whispers finally, her fingers lightly stroking the back of Cassie’s neck. “Just...whenever it happens, I’m ready now. I love you. I trust you.”

Cassie smiles and presses her cheek to Hannah’s hair, and rolls over so she’s straddling her. 

“Tonight is special,” she says, and leans down to kiss her. 

Relaxing under the weight of her, Hannah yields readily to Cassie’s mouth, her hands sliding down Cassie’s back, just to keep touching her.

“Tonight is everything.”

Cassie rolls her hips slowly, deliberately, against Hannah, and her hands smooth up her stomach. 

“You’re so perfect,” she murmurs against her mouth before sliding down and nibbling at the column of Hannah’s neck, tasting at the skin there. 

The heat eases back in and Hannah skims her palms up Cassie’s thighs even as her hips roll into the weight of her. She can’t help pressing her thighs together, a soft whimper parting her lips.

“God, I love your mouth...and your hands. Everything,” Hannah breathes.

“I love the little sounds you make when I touch you just right,” Cassie says, and she slips down further, leaving a trail of kisses down Hannah’s body, and stopping at the border of scalloped lace. Cassie bites lightly at the soft skin there and parts Hannah’s thighs so she can settle between them. 

“I haven’t stopped thinking about your mouth right there, just like that,” Hannah confesses, arching a little at the sparks of heat that spread through her. “I never get any further.” Her knees draw up slightly, giving her enough leverage to move a little. She threads Cassie’s hair through her fingers again and watches her, eager to remind herself this isn’t a fantasy, that this is real.

Cassie slips down further so she can press lingering kisses to Hannah’s inner thigh, working her way to her center. She presses her mouth to Hannah over the lace briefly before hooking her fingers under the fabric and glancing up at her. 

“Is this still okay?” 

Hannah can’t help the way her hips twitch at the brief pressure of Cassie’s lips, her soft cry barely muffled behind a bitten lip.

“Yes,” she gasps. “Yes, baby, please…”

Everything but Cassie and this perfect night has seemingly faded from Hannah’s mind. Her scars don’t matter, her past doesn’t matter. There’s only her and this beautiful, perfect woman she’s fallen head over heels for. 

Cassie wets her lips as she tugs the lace down. She kisses right under Hannah’s belly button, trailing open mouthed kisses to her hip bone, and dips her tongue in the crease between her hip and thigh. One finger slips over Hannah and the wetness pooling there, and Cassie’s fingers clutch at Hannah’s thigh. 

“God baby, you’re so wet.” 

Hannah mutters a curse under her breath at Cassie’s touch, her thighs parting further in silent invitation.

“That’s what you do to me,” she whispers, her voice unsteady as she clutches at the sheets, fighting to keep still and keep breathing, though no amount of willpower can stop the soft, desperate sounds from escaping.

Cassie closes her mouth over Hannah, moving her tongue gently over the sensitive nub. The sounds Hannah makes drives her a little wild and her nails scrape lightly over her skin. She traces alongside Hannah’s folds with her finger, teasing at her entrance. 

Hannah’s already shaking--she can’t help it. After months of build-up, of yearning for this but not quite being ready for it, the reality is undoing her embarrassingly fast.

“Cassie, please,” Hannah whines, as though she’s been begging for hours. “Baby, God, I need you inside me.”

Cassie feels the throb of desire as Hannah begs for her, and she is a little surprised at the need to keep hearing it, as desperate as she is. 

“Impatient,” Cassie says with a smirk, lifting her mouth from Hannah to drag her nails over her inner thighs. 

“Jesus,” Hannah practically sputters, the rush of heat she feels at being denied entirely unexpected. “Baby...Please fuck me. Your fingers, Cassie, please…” Her hips come off the bed blindly seeking more.

Cassie bites lightly at Hannah’s thighs, moving to Hannah’s center, and sweeps her tongue firmly over her, before backing away again, pressing a chaste kiss to her hip. 

“How bad do you want it baby?” 

Hannah isn’t entirely convinced she won’t die. The way Cassie’s teasing her is sheer torture, but it’s exactly what she’s been imagining from the first time Cassie had pinned her down. It’s how everyone else is afraid to touch her, like she’ll break.

“God, I’ll do anything, Cassie. Please...Make me come for you…” she pleads.

Cassie presses her thighs together to stave off the want as she watches Hannah desperate in front of her. She rises over her, kissing her fiercely before moving her hand down and sliding her fingers to dip into the wetness there and move feather light over the sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“I told you you’d be begging for more than my mouth,” Cassie murmurs. 

Every slight brush of Cassie's fingers against her has Hannah whimpering and rocking her hips in desperation.

“I'll beg for whatever you want, baby. God, I need you.”

Cassie slides a finger into Hannah, covering her mouth with hers as she moves slowly inside of her, using her thumb to stroke her clit. 

Hannah’s breathless cry is lost in Cassie's mouth, her hands gripping tight to Cassie’s hips as her own cant into her fingers, blindly seeking more. Hannah twines her tongue with Cassie's, kissing her hungrily. 

Her attention is focused on Hannah, and her breath thickens at the way Hannah moves against her. Cassie adds a second finger, keeping her movements slow, as Hannah drives her a little mad with the sounds she makes. 

It doesn't take long for Hannah to break the kiss with a rasping moan. She's dizzy and panting and so close, she's shaking under Cassie, whose pace is still maddeningly slow and steady, building her pleasure beyond what Hannah’s ever known.

“Cassie, please…” She can feel herself teetering on the edge, fluttering around Cassie’s insistent fingers.

Cassie slips her fingers out of Hannah, but only so she can slide torturously slow down her body to settle between her legs. She’s too mindless with her own need to keep Hannah close to the edge for much longer, but she bites lightly at her thigh for just a second to torture them both. 

“Fuck,” Hannah gasps, her whole body shuddering from the edge of Cassie’s teeth. Her hands clutch at the sheets and then at her own hips and then at Cassie, restless in her arousal. Whatever words she wants to say, however she wants to coax and beg, get lost in her throat, and all she can do is moan helplessly.

“Baby,” Cassie groans, before sliding her fingers back into Hannah, and covering her with her mouth, sucking hard before releasing. She strokes her firmly with her tongue as her fingers move quickly in her, curling slightly to hit the right spot. 

It almost feels like too much, like she's so strung out, she’ll never be able to let go. But then Cassie finds the perfect combination of lips and tongue and pressure and Hannah breaks. The bed rattles under her as she cries out for Cassie as pleasure rushes through her.

Cassie works Hannah through it, holding her firmly, slowing her movement as she eases Hannah down. She kisses Hannah’s thigh gently, and slides back up to wrap her arms around her, holding her close as she strokes gently along her arm. 

“You’re so perfect baby, absolutely perfect.” 

Hannah instantly presses closer, tipping her head up to steal lazy kisses, licking the taste of herself from Cassie's mouth. She hums contentedly, sighing.

“I love you so much, you know that?”

Cassie’s heart swells and she wants to laugh at herself, because it’s almost as if each time she’s surprised that Hannah still loves her, that she isn’t going away. 

She squeezes Hannah to her, nuzzling against her.

“I adore you, my love.”

Hannah runs her hand lightly up Cassie’s side, memorizing the feel of her skin, the curve of her hip, the contours of her muscles.

“Lucky me. I found the most perfect woman there is,” she murmurs.

Cassie curves herself around Hannah, practically purring under her touch as she settles against her.  
“Hmmmm, I think we both got lucky here.” She murmurs. She feelswhole, she decides. 

“I can agree with that,” Hannah says, her palm fitting to the curve of Cassie’s breast. “I'm never gonna stop touching you now, I hope you know.” Her mouth finds the hinge of Cassie's jaw, her tongue teasing out against her skin.

“Won’t complain about that,” Cassie quips, aiming for teasing, but landing closer to breathless. Her skin comes alive with sensation, and the warmth of Hannah’s hand on her skin is like fire. She tilts her head as her lips part on a sigh. 

Humming, Hannah trails her mouth down Cassie’s neck--territory she's well acquainted with. Her thumb drags over Cassie's nipple as her teeth sink carefully, gently, into the spot where Cassie’s pulse thrums under her skin.

Cassie hisses out a breath, and her fingers clench on Hannah’s skin. She can’t help but squirm against her as heat sparks. 

“God, Hannah,” she gasps. 

“Mmm, not enough,” Hannah muses, almost calm, almost calculated, though there's a slight tremor in her voice that gives her away. She rolls on top of Cassie, pinning her easily, fingers securely wrapped around her wrists, and then nudges one knee between her legs. For a second, Hannah just appreciates the view. “Better.”

A thrill wrapped in desire arrows through her, and Cassie’s breath goes ragged as she looks up at Hannah. She’s almost mindless with want, and she arches up against Hannah, testing the limits of her hold. 

“Not going anywhere,” Hannah purrs, pressing Cassie down a little harder, lowering her mouth to return to the task of kissing every inch of her neck. “God, you're hot like this.” Her lips trail lower, between Cassie’s collarbones, down between her breasts, the ends of her hair feathering over Cassie's skin.

Hannah’s strength matches her own, and it makes her breath catch. Cassie bites down on her lip and watches her, enjoying the way Hannah holds her in place. 

“Yeah, I could say the same,” she murmurs, rolling her hips up, seeking contact. 

Hannah exhales shakily against Cassie's skin before dragging her tongue along the curve of her breast, barely pausing before closing her lips around her nipple and sucking.

Cassie jerks slightly at the contact as pleasure jolts through her, and her head falls back as her fingers flex convulsively under Hannah’s hold. Her hips buck up as she seeks friction, contact, anything to quell the ache forming between her legs. 

“So needy.” Hannah smirks, switching her attention to Cassie’s other breast, flicking teasingly at her nipple with the flat of her tongue. She shifts enough to grant Cassie a little friction with her thigh, and some of her bravado fades because even through the fabric of Cassie’s panties, she’s soaked. “Baby…”

Cassie gasps out a broken moan as she strains against Hannah. She manages to anchor a foot under herself to increase the pressure and her head lolls to the side. 

“Hannah, fuck.” 

“Do you have any idea how many times I touched myself just thinking about how you sound saying my name like this?” Hannah asks, giving Cassie’s wrists another squeeze before letting go so she can slip lower, her tongue following the contours of Cassie’s ribs as her hands smooth over her hips, pinning her down to keep her still. “That’s all I needed. God, it makes me insane.”

Cassie lets out a choked sound at the image that forms, and covers her face with her hands as she groans. 

“Baby, that’s so hot, you’re gonna kill me.” 

Goosebumps race over her flesh as Hannah licks down her body and stills her hips. She shifts a little restlessly against her, not at all surprised at the heat that rushes under her skin as Hannah pins her down. 

Hannah nips just above Cassie’s belly button, grinning up at her.

“You like that, hm? That I teased myself thinking about you? After I felt your mouth the first time, after I wanted to beg you, I went home and imagined it...It was all I could think about for weeks.”

Keeping her hands steady and firm, Hannah slides them from Cassie’s hips to her thighs, pressing her palms to the insides, holding her open.

Cassie’s hands fall to the sheets and clutch there as she writhes against Hannah, bucking her hips as need overtakes her. Needy sounds slip out of her as she attempts to formulate a response. 

“What do you want, Cassie?” Hannah asks as her thumbs tease at the edges of Cassie’s panties where they meet her thighs. The skin is damp and warm and her mouth waters a little, thinking about finally tasting her. She leans over to kiss her again instead, sucking Cassie’s bottom lip between her teeth and tugging before releasing her. “I just want to hear you…”

“I want your mouth on me,” Cassie pants, sliding her hands up Hannah’s sides and into her hair, where she scrapes her fingers lightly against the scalp. She arches into Hannah, craving the solid feel of her skin pressed to her own. 

“Good girl,” Hannah praises, relenting to Cassie’s silent pleading as heat races down her spine. She settles her weight against Cassie, resting on top of her and kissing down her neck again as her fingers hook into the waistband of her panties. “If I put my mouth on you, you have to stay still. Can you do that?” The backs of her nails drag against Cassie’s skin and Hannah barely resists the urge to just touch her, to give in to wanting her.

“Yes,” Cassie hisses as Hannah kisses the spot on her neck that sends pleasure racing straight into her core. The feel of Hannah against her is torture, and she bites down on her lip to keep herself from moving. 

“That’s it,” Hannah breathes, teasing her tongue over the spot one more time just to feel Cassie tense under her. She pulls away to tug the last bit of clothing from Cassie’s body and then lays between her thighs. Her open mouth drags over Cassie’s uninjured hip, her teeth barely catching on the skin as her nails rake up Cassie’s thighs.

Her hips jerk up involuntarily and she lets out a tortured groan as she fights to keep her hand from tangling in Hannah’s hair so she can put her mouth exactly where she needs it. 

“Fuck, baby. I’m going insane.” Cassie says as her hips give another involuntary twitch. 

“You’re making me wet all over again,” Hannah says, finally brushing her mouth just barely against Cassie, pulling back almost instantly to lick at her lips, her breath going slightly ragged. 

“Hannah, I need- baby, touch me.” Cassie whines, and her fists clench so hard on the sheets her knuckles whiten. It’s nearly impossible to stay still, but she craves Hannah’s mouth. 

Hearing Cassie beg has Hannah shifting against the bed, pressing her thighs together. She grants them both a reprieve, the flat of her tongue firmly stroking, lingering just barely over the sensitive, swollen bundle of nerves she knows can easily undo Cassie. But not yet.

“Like that?” she asks coyly, pressing a little harder at Cassie’s thigh and tugging her further apart before lapping at her again.

Cassie cries out as Hannah’s mouth covers her again. The contact is just enough, but barely, and she sucks in desperate ragged breaths.

“More,” Cassie gasps out. “Your fingers inside me.” 

Mimicking Cassie’s earlier teasing, Hannah dips the tip of one finger against her entrance, stroking gently as she circles Cassie’s clit with the tip of her tongue. She doesn’t make her wait, though, and works inside with two fingers, until she’s buried to the knuckle.

“Fuck,” she breathes. “You feel so good, baby…”

Cassie’s head falls back on a silent cry, and she gasps at the feel of Hannah’s fingers inside her. She moves her hips slightly, rocking forward. 

“Hannah,” her name is a desperate plea. 

As soon as Cassie moves, Hannah stills. It’s cruel to both of them and Hannah trembles at the restraint it takes, but she pulls her mouth away.

“I told you to keep still,” she says, her voice low and dark and surprisingly even. “You want to come, don’t you, baby?”

Cassie stops her movement and bites down hard on her lip as she nods.

“Yes,” she gasps, a dark thrill racing through her at Hannah’s commanding voice. 

“That’s what I thought,” Hannah murmurs, flexing her fingers inside Cassie again almost thoughtfully. “But I do love watching you move…” She drags her tongue over Cassie again, pressing closer, slow and deliberate, a low moan escaping her.

Cassie squirms slightly, fighting to keep still as Hannah’s mouth and fingers work over her and inside her. She feels like she might explode from want any minute, and the urge to tilt her hips so Hannah’s tongue licks her where she needs it is fierce. There is a larger desire, however, one that has her laying obediently as Hannah teases her, seeing how far she can push her own pleasure. 

“So obedient,” Hannah purrs, raking her nails lightly over Cassie’s hip as her others stroke almost painfully slow inside her. “You like it, don’t you? Doing what I tell you?” She parts her lips against Cassie again, sucking lightly.

Cassie’s answer is a moan as she feels the pleasure build in shivering peaks. Tingles race across her skin and she feels the warm flush as she moves closer to release.

Hannah’s tongue dips in beside her fingers and then she pulls away again, relishing the sight of Cassie like this, needy and flushed and trembling. 

“You can move now, baby,” she decides. “I want to see you.” Her teeth scrape sharply up the inside of Cassie’s thigh as her fingers withdraw, but then Hannah fills her again, deep and slow. She ficks at her clit with the tip of her tongue before enveloping it in her mouth, humming against her as her own pleasure spikes.

Her body reacts to Hannah’s words almost before her brain can catch up, and Cassie cries out as she rocks her hips desperately against her. She can feel her muscles begin the rhythmic contractions that signal her release, and she’s mindless with her own pleasure as she bows up. 

“That’s it,” Hannah purrs, barely pulling her mouth away. “Come for me, sweet girl.” 

She can feel Cassie’s need building, can see it in the perfect arch of her body, and Hannah’s lost in it. Pressing at Cassie’s thigh with her free hand, Hannah slips just a little deeper, her tongue working relentlessly, determined to undo Cassie.

Blinding pleasure rockets through her as Hannah’s touch unravels her. Cassie comes on a soundless cry, as intense pleasure keeps her body arched off the bed. Broken moans slip out of her as the aftershocks work through her. 

Hannah hardly breathes, watching Cassie break under her. She stills her fingers, slowing and gentling her tongue, coaxing every last bit of pleasure out of Cassie that she can. She’s been with her fair share of women, but Hannah can’t recall ever being so enraptured. She’s been imagining this for so long now, and reality has far surpassed expectation.

Cassie lays boneless on the bed as she tries to catch her breath. Her body shudders slightly as the last waves of pleasure leave her, and she reaches weakly for Hannah.

“Come here baby.” 

Hannah crawls up Cassie’s body, settling on top of her, lightly kissing her cheek.

“God, you’re amazing,” she whispers. “And so, so hot.” She absently traces down Cassie’s neck and across her shoulder, savoring the uninhibited access to her skin.

“That was incredible, you’re incredible. I don’t think I have a brain cell left in my body,” Cassie says with a laugh.

As spent as she is, Hannah’s touch still sends soft waves of pleasure across her skin, and she wraps her arms lightly around her, nuzzling against her. 

“That’s a shame,” Hannah muses teasingly. “Kinda liked your brain cells.” Cassie’s touch sends a pleasant rush of warmth through her and she sighs contentedly. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too,” Cassie murmurs, running her fingers through Hannah’s hair. It still thrills her everytime she says it, and the part of her that’s always sought connection, belonging, opens. 

“Hannah,” Cassie says, but she breaks off, it’s too much for tonight. “I’m so happy,” she murmurs instead.

“I know.” Hannah lifts her head enough to kiss Cassie’s mouth again. “Me too. Tonight...was perfect. You’re perfect.”

Cassie lays with Hannah for several minutes longer before they wash up and settle back into bed. Hannah is wearing an old college t-shirt of hers, and it makes Cassie oddly sentimental as she snuggles up beside her. She stays awake for a long time after Hannah falls asleep, soothed by her even breathing, and thinks of the paperwork tucked into a folder on her desk. A deadline looms a mere four days from now,, but Cassie realizes the almost obsessive drive no longer drives her.  
\-------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are like cookies. We like cookies. We have a probably unhealthy love for cookies. Please feed us. ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Iran is a little much for Hannah. Thankfully, she knows just who to call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging out with us a bit while we frolicked off doing other things haha. There are still two more chapters of this written and not yet posted (not including this one) but we've taken a short break from writing it so updates have slowed down too. 
> 
> A really big bulk of this chapter is NSFW. There are also a lot of feelings.
> 
> Thanks as always to Lilly for the beta, and to the rest of thefab5 for existing and being wonderful.

It’s less than 48 hours between waking up in Cassie’s arms and listening to Jaz get taken. Hannah’s settled into her job now, she’s settled into her relationship with Cassie, but this she’s not prepared for.

Unlike the team being in Mongolia, Hannah doesn’t have five minutes to take a breath. She barely eats, barely leaves her desk. It’s torture. Nothing like what she imagines Jaz is going through, but, God, it fucks with her head.

When Patricia asks her what she thinks their chances are, she has to be honest--they don’t have one. Jaz is gone. And logistically, it’s not worth risking the rest of the team for a zero percent chance. But being the one to say that makes Hannah feel like almost as much of a monster as Jariff. 

Watching the team fight tooth and nail, claw their way from zero percent to something at least in the double digits, is something. Hannah’s been awed by Dalton’s team before. But this is something else entirely.

By the time the team crosses safely into Turkey, it's been almost three days since Hannah’s left the building.

She makes it to the car at least before calling Cassie, who’s left her a handful of messages.

Cassie begins worrying after the first day of no contact from Hannah. It’s not uncommon for either of them to work long hours, but the texts and voicemail she sent are left unanswered. 

By the second day, Cassie is so tense she nearly snaps at Jeremy when he offers her a bagel from the cart downstairs. He raises an eyebrow, but takes it in stride, and comes back from lunch to tell her that gossip from those that intermingle with the DIA is minimal, a clear sign that the agency is working on something highly classified. It eases Cassie’s mind slightly, but the worry still gnaws at her stomach. She knows Hannah forgets to eat when work gets intense, and she wonders if she’s getting any rest. 

A small ugly voice Cassie is ashamed of tells her Hannah is pulling away, but she brushes it aside almost immediately. This is not that. 

It’s day three and Cassie’s left two more voicemails, each of them light and encouraging, because she knows the last thing Hannah needs is to feel guilty. She even went as far as to call Noah, which might have been crossing a bit of a line, but worry has her acting irrationally. The fact that he hasn’t replied tells her whatever is going down at the DIA is most likely not good. 

Cassie is worrying her lip reading over her report when her cell phone rings. She’s so on edge she practically dives across her desk to reach it, startling Jeremy, who knocks his mug of herbal tea over onto his desk and lap. 

“Jesus Christ Cassie, can you tone it down a notch?” he says as he rights his cup, but his expression is one of concern as he watches her. 

Cassie takes a breath to wash all evidence of tension from her voice, and answers. 

“Hey baby.”

As soon as Hannah hears Cassie’s voice, she breaks. The stress, the horror, the helplessness, the memories all come cascading down on her at once and suddenly, Hannah can't stop sobbing. She can't speak or move or offer Cassie any sort of explanation. It's been a long, long time since she's cried, let alone with an audience, but Cassie is safe. Cassie is her safe. And she's never been more sure of that than she is right now.

Cassie’s heart lodges in her throat, and she’s halfway to the elevator, murmuring soothing words to Hannah before she stops, realizing she forgot her keys. Cursing, she spins around, nearly bowling over Jeremy who holds her keys and purse. 

He lets out a grunt as she launches into his arms, giving him a grateful hug before she rushes into the elevator. She keeps her voice steady for Hannah’s sake, but her heart breaks with each sob. 

“Hannah, love, I’m coming to get you okay, can you tell me where you are?” 

Hannah manages something that is at least partially distinguishable as ‘work’, focusing on Cassie's voice, on the idea that she's safe and loved and that, no matter how painful the memories are, they're in the past and can't hurt her. Cassie is coming to get her and everything’s going to be okay. She’ll fall asleep wrapped in Cassie's arms, listening to her heartbeat, and that's all that matters.

Slowly, the tears stop and she manages to catch her breath, but if she was exhausted before, she's totally drained now and she can barely move, let alone drive. So she listens to Cassie instead, sniffling and wiping occasionally at her tear-stained cheeks until Cassie’s car pulls up beside hers. Hannah's never been so grateful for anything in her life.

Cassie’s heart kicks up slightly as she spots Hannah in her car, but by the time she gets out and opens Hannah’s door she’s calm and her voice is low. 

“Hey baby, let’s go home okay.” Cassie murmurs, wiping at the tears on Hannah’s cheeks and kissing her softly on the forehead. 

She reaches into the car and slides her arms around Hannah to just hold her for a moment. 

“I’ve got you.”

Hannah slumps into Cassie, clinging to her, though it takes a good deal of effort to make her limbs work.

“You're here,” she whispers, almost delirious. “I'm sorry I didn't call sooner…”

“Shh…” Cassie soothes, swallowing hard at how easily Hannah leans into her, and strokes soothingly down her back. “It doesn’t matter.” 

She leans over to take Hannah’s keys out of the ignition and leads Hannah to her own car, where she settles her before jogging back to grab Hannah’s purse. Cassie holds Hannah’s hand as she pulls out of the parking lot, stroking her thumb lightly over her fingers. Her phone rings and she almost dismisses it, but it’s her boss and she winces as she answers, pulling over. 

“Miss Conner, Jeremy informed me you had a personal emergency. I wanted to check in.” 

Cassie glances at Hannah. 

“Yes, sir. I will need to take the rest of the day.” 

There’s a slight pause on the other line.

“Very well, next time I would appreciate some notice, but take the time you need. I can extend the deadline on your reports.” 

“No need sir, I already finished them.” Using work to distract herself meant Cassie was at least two weeks ahead of her deadlines. 

“Thank you for your commitment Miss Conner. Best wishes to you.” 

Cassie thanks him and pulls onto the road again. 

They make it to her apartment in decent time, and she takes Hannah directly to her bedroom where she guides her to the bed. She looks beyond exhausted. 

“Don't leave,” Hannah mumbles, reaching out for Cassie despite already being half-asleep. She's so far gone, she already knows she won't remember this later. Typically, that would make her nervous, but she trusts Cassie. The knowledge settles her and Hannah falls asleep, safely tucked into Cassie’s bed, knowing things will feel a little less overwhelming when she wakes up. This time, she doesn't have to do it alone.

Cassie holds Hannah until she’s asleep, and then sits with her for a moment longer, cheek pressed to her hair. Her fingers stroke absently down her arm and she pulls the throw more securely over Hannah’s shoulders, kissing her gently on the cheek before sliding off the bed to grab her laptop. 

She works silently beside her, keeping watch in case she wakes up. 

Hannah sleeps until the winter sun is halfway below the horizon. She blinks her eyes open blearily to find Cassie beside her and some of her confusion vanishes.

“Hi,” she whispers, her voice raspy. Her mouth is dry and she's in desperate need of food and a shower, but it can wait a minute. She reaches out to trace her fingers along Cassie’s thigh.

Cassie glances at Hannah and hits send on the food order she’d placed to be delivered as soon as possible after Hannah woke. No need to make things worse by attempting to cook for her. 

She covers Hannah’s hand with her own and leans down to kiss her gently. 

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” 

“Like I got hit by a truck,” Hannah answers honestly, stretching out gingerly with a groan. “Thank you for coming. I don't know what I would've done.”

Sitting up, Hannah rubs her hands over her face, still groggy.

“Jaz was…” She pauses and shakes her head. “You know what? After a shower and some food. Was work mad you left?” 

Cassie reaches back to grab the water bottle she’d kept on her end table for Hannah and hands it to her. 

She pushes her laptop to the side and embraces Hannah, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. 

“Nah, I’m already ahead of deadline, the boss is easy enough to keep happy.” She releases Hannah and cups her cheek. 

“You’re more important than work, anyway,” she says stroking away the strands of hair sticking to Hannah’s forehead. 

“Are you going soft on me, Conner?” Hannah teases affectionately, leaning into Cassie’s touch with a smile. The way Cassie looks at her is different, she realizes, and Hannah has no idea when that happened. Maybe around the same time that Hannah reached the conclusion that seeking comfort for the shadows of her past didn’t make her weak--that letting someone in to this part of herself made her stronger.

Cassie laughs, because it dawns on her that’s exactly what’s happened, and she’s surprised that somehow it makes her feel steadier than she’s ever felt. 

“That’s classified,” she says with grin, and she presses a kiss to Hannah’s forehead again before sliding off the bed and handing her a pair of pajamas she’s noticed Hannah favors. 

“Why don’t you take a shower. I’ve got food on the way, and ice cream in my fridge,” Cassie says, and she stands in the doorway smiling gently at Hannah. “I love you.” 

Hannah feels a little like swooning. She’s suddenly entirely overwhelmed with affection for this amazing woman who has chosen to love her.

“Have I told you lately that you’re perfect?” she asks, getting to her feet, holding the pajamas to her chest. “Because you are. I love you, too, Cassie.”

She commits the sight to memory. It’s simple enough, just Cassie standing in the doorway, looking back at her, but Hannah thinks, if she somehow ended up bleeding out on the side of the road again tomorrow, this is the memory she’d hold onto: the one of Cassie loving her.

Before her emotions can get the better of her, Hannah ducks into the bathroom and focuses on making herself marginally more human. If not for her stomach demanding food (so much so that her hands are shaking when she reaches for the shampoo), Hannah might’ve lingered under the hot spray. But she wants to eat and she wants to be near Cassie, and both of those things mean her shower is fast.

When she finds Cassie in the living room, the food has arrived and Hannah stuffs three garlic knots in her mouth before saying a word.

Cassie loads more food into Hannah’s plate and scoots her chair closer so her thigh presses against Hannah’s. The physical closeness centers her, and she sits silently beside her, tracing absent circles against Hannah’s hip with her thumb. 

The silence is comforting, and Cassie expects after three days without so much as a break, Hannah must be mentally exhausted. 

Eating helps and Hannah’s mind feels a little clearer. She tips her head against Cassie’s shoulder, lightly kissing her neck between bites.

“Do you want me to talk about it?” she asks finally, not because it’s been gnawing at her, but because now she feels like she can. “Because I know...I mean, we don’t have to. I have a therapist. I pay her for something.”

“No, baby. I want to listen, but I didn’t want to push you,” Cassie explains, realizing her patience hadn’t exactly granted Hannah the space to speak. 

“What happened? I was so worried for you.” 

Hannah draws a breath and sips her water, searching for the right words before realizing there is no such thing.

“Jaz was captured. In Iran. She was taken by Special Forces after killing a terrorist. I didn't think she was coming back. None of us did.” Automatically, Hannah strokes the scars on her neck, remembering how they’d burned. “They tortured her and all I could think about was Sonora and how close I came to not coming home.”

Cassie watches as Hannah touches the marred skin and hugs her a little closer. She aches for Hannah, because she’s all too familiar with past horrors springing up unexpectedly. 

“God baby that’s terrible. I’m so sorry you had to face that,” Cassie murmurs. “How are you feeling now?” 

“There was nothing I could do...then or now. And I hate that. Most days, I feel...superhuman. Like what we’re doing makes us unstoppable, you know?” Hannah asks. “Today worked out, but sometimes it doesn’t and...that’s just a lot scarier than it used to be.”

Now you have something to lose, the voice in her head provides helpfully, and all the reasons why Thea walked away suddenly make so much more sense.

Cassie understands that, and the oily sense of panic that comes with it. “I know,” she murmurs, stroking Hannah’s back. 

“We controlled our entire world, or thought we did,” she says, “knowing that you can’t is hard to accept.” Although she speaks it to Hannah, Cassie realizes maybe it’s something she needed to hear as well. 

“You’re incredible,” Cassie says, brushing a kiss over Hannah’s cheek, “because you know, and you get up and do it anyway.” 

Hannah relaxes at that. The ache in her chest is an old one, a memory more than anything else, and it’ll fade.

“I couldn't imagine doing anything else,” she admits. “We aren't really made for civilian life, you know? But I like this version, the one where I get to come home to you.”

Cassie thinks of the application sitting in her file at work, and a deadline that is two days away. She thinks of how she misses Hannah if work keeps them apart for more than a few days, and how fieldwork would keep her away for weeks, if not months. 

“Coming home to you is the best part of my day,” Cassie murmurs as she runs her fingers absently through Hannah’s drying hair.

“I am pretty amazing,” Hannah teases, picking up another piece of pizza and taking a bite without moving. “How’re you doing? Work going okay?” It’s only been a few days but it feels like so much longer.

“Glad you know it,” she replies with quick grin. 

“Work is work,” Cassie shrugs. “It’s easy enough to get through the day. Our field unit goes dark for weeks at a time, so it’s a lot of paperwork, but I get through it quickly enough.” She pauses with a frown. 

“I feel like I’m just… waiting. I don’t know what for,” she admits.

“You talk to the shrink again?” Hannah wonders. “Adjusting to desk life is tough. It takes a little while to get used to.”

She wonders, suddenly, if maybe Cassie doesn’t want to get used to it, if she’s just biding her time. And Hannah remembers every conversation she’s had with her own therapist about the importance of communication and not just assuming people are on the same page, but this feels a lot different than talking about whether or not they were going to sleep together.

“Hmm, no, I rescheduled.” Cassie says. “We had an unexpected contact from the field team and the whole office was scrambling.” It’s a bit of an excuse, and guilt niggles at her. 

“I’ll get used to it,” Cassie says with a smile, trying to shake off the strange mood that grips her. 

Hannah wants to call Cassie out, but there’s a fear there, now. If she pushes and Cassie snaps and tells her she’s still planning on going back to the field, that this is all just temporary, Hannah’s pretty sure it’ll break her. Especially tonight.

“Yeah,” she says instead, sitting up under the guise of reaching for her drink. “You will.”

The room feels cold now, and Hannah shivers without Cassie’s warmth.

Cassie senses the shift immediately. Anger at herself flares and mingles with the fear that she’s messing things up, and that curls in with the guilt, because she’s supposed to be here for Hannah, and instead she’s dredging up some unwanted thing. 

She pushes her mostly untouched food away, and almost leans over to give Hannah a peck, but guilt has her pausing and drawing away. 

“I’m gonna jump in the shower,” she says. 

“Okay,” Hannah replies, her mind already shifting into work mode, into pushing away her emotions to be dealt with later and erecting a wall of numbness instead. She gets up before Cassie does and starts to gather the food to clean up. Part of her wants to go home, but there’s a larger part of her that reminds her of her own promise not to let Cassie push her away. “Hey.” She pauses in the kitchen doorway, glancing at Cassie over her shoulder. “I love you.” The words take work, now, but she thinks that’s kind of the point. There’s fear gnawing at her, but pushing Cassie away won’t magically make that better.

“I love you too,” Cassie replies, and she has to turn quickly because tears form in her eyes, and she doesn’t know why her damn mind is such a mess. There’s a strange sense of relief that comes with Hannah’s words, and Cassie realizes with a sinking feeling that without meaning to, a part of her has been waiting for things to fall apart, like being happy just isn’t in the cards for her. 

Cassie fights the urge panic, to throw her guard up, because as much as she wants to run from this thing that scares her, she wants to hold on more. 

The water is almost too hot, but Cassie stands under the spray anyway, letting the slight pain pull away some of the emotional turmoil. 

Hannah straightens up, and it helps to clear her mind a bit. She manages to reel herself back in, to remind herself that there are more pieces at play here than she’s considering. Besides, they haven’t even talked about anything. They’ll cross that bridge when they get to it. In the meantime, Cassie had just come to rescue her and then spent the last day taking care of her, and that’s real and true and tangible. It’s enough.

Making a plate up for Cassie, because she hadn’t eaten more than a few bites, Hannah takes it to the bedroom and settles in to wait for Cassie to emerge from the shower. It’s her turn to do a little damage control for once.

Cassie’s head is somewhat clearer when she steps out of the shower, and she stands in the steamy room for a second to collect herself. She owes Hannah honesty, and as much of her trust as she’s capable of giving. The thought unsettles her, because she’s afraid, but she wants to have faith in Hannah, in them. 

Cassie is determined to fix this latest snag, and she strides purposely out of the bathroom, only to falter when she sees Hannah on her bed. Her plan to take charge vanishes as she stares at Hannah, and she’s filled with both a fierce love, and the fear that she’s going to do something wrong, ruin this somehow. 

“Come here, beautiful,” Hannah murmurs, watching Cassie’s entire posture shift. “You’ve done such a good job taking care of me. You’re incredible and I love you so much. We...have some work to do, still. And that’s honestly kind of terrifying. But it’s a lot easier if we do it together, hm?”

Cassie closes her eyes on a sigh and walks into Hannah’s arms, pressing her face into Hannah’s shoulder as she wraps her arms tightly around her. Having someone fight for her is new, and it completely undoes her. 

“I’m sorry. You just went through something so rough, and I made it worse.” 

“Hey, no. You didn’t. You’re not responsible for what’s going on in my head, okay?” Hannah murmurs, holding Cassie close and stroking her hair. “The only way we know what’s going on for sure is to talk about it. So we will. But not tonight, hm? Too important to do that when we’re both a little rattled. But I love you, Cassie, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Cassie weaves those words into her memory.

“I don’t deserve you,” Cassie says, and lifts her head from Hannah’s shoulder to look at her. “I know I can be a damn mess sometimes, but I trust you, more than anyone. You’re the only person who’s stayed and-” she pauses, because that particular wound is too much for tonight, “You matter so much, I just want you to know, for when I get stupid.” 

Hannah lets go of Cassie so she can cradle her face instead, holding her steady to stop her from looking away.

“You deserve to be happy. Period. You deserve someone who stays, someone who fights for you. The mess...happens. That’s life. We both know I’m kind of an expert at messes. So we’ll both fuck up. But we won’t run away. Deal?”

“Deal,” Cassie murmurs, and her smile softens as doubt fades away. She leans in to kiss Hannah, slow and soft, before drawing back. 

“You need to eat,” Hannah coaxes, dropping her hands to squeeze lightly at Cassie’s wrists. “And then all I want is to curl up right here with you and kiss you for a while. Okay?”

“Mmmm, dream girl,” Cassie says, and she nudges Hannah further onto the bed so she can lean back on the headboard and nibble on the food Hannah brought her. It makes her feel both vulnerable, and safe, to be cared for, and she leans her head on Hannah’s shoulder. 

Cassie takes a while to filter through the worry in her head before she speaks. 

“When you spoke to the shrink, did you tell him everything? The dreams, stuff that could make it seem like you might not be fit for the job?” 

Hannah nuzzles Cassie’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, enjoying the closeness again.

“Everything is a lot,” she says. “It took a long time for me to build a good relationship with my therapist. The department shrink? I...was honest with him. If there were things I didn’t want to talk about, I told him that. Sometimes he pushed, sometimes he let it go. But it’s like I told you: he’s not looking for you to be okay. None of us are really okay, you know? I don’t think you can kill people, or watch them die, and be okay. I don’t think you can willingly put yourself in harm’s way and go home without scars. He’s just...looking to make sure you know that, that you’re honest about not being okay.”

Cassie lets that settle in as she curls against Hannah, wrapping her arms loosely around her. 

“I convinced myself for so long that I was immune to all of that,” Cassie says. “I’d rather look down the barrel of a gun than admit I’m not okay,” she adds with a laugh. 

“I think that might be scarier than buying a couch”. 

“It’s way scarier,” Hannah agrees, resting her forehead against Cassie’s as her thumb sweeps over her hip. “But you’re brave and strong and it gets easier with practice, I promise. Just remember, he’s not trying to trick you. This isn’t some test.”

Cassie lets out a breath and shakes her head. “Sometimes I think you may actually be able to read my mind,” she says, leaning up to kiss Hannah’s jaw. 

Hannah’s eyes flutter shut and she sighs softly, slipping her fingers tenderly into Cassie’s hair. “Mmm, no mind reading. I’m just a trained spy, remember? And, you know, I’ve been there.”

Cassie shifts to crawl into Hannah’s lap, stroking her fingers softly down the side of Hannah’s neck before kissing her again. 

“You have,” she says, sitting back to look at her.

Hannah’s breath goes a little unsteady at Cassie’s touch, but it's from warmth and not from fear.

“So I see you, baby,” she whispers, holding Cassie’s gaze, smoothing her hands over the other girl’s hips, just to touch her.

Cassie smiles tenderly at Hannah and slides off her lap to pillow her head on her shoulder. Partly to hide the moisture in her eyes, and partly to be closer to Hannah. To be known, and to be loved anyway is something new for her. 

“And don’t worry,” Hannah murmurs, shifting to wrap her arms around Cassie. “I won’t tell anyone the most badass agent the Agency has is actually a giant softie.” She trails kisses along Cassie’s cheek, slow and gentle. “Kinda like keeping this particular secret to myself.”

Cassie laughs and tilts her head up to kiss Hannah. 

“You better keep my secrets Rivera,” she murmurs. Her hands come up to cradle Hannah’s face, and she leans into her, embracing the softness of Hannah against her. 

“Every single one of them,” Hannah vows, leaning into Cassie’s touch, kissing her again, sweet and lingering as her fingers fan over Cassie’s jaw and then trail almost reverently down her neck.

Cassie’s eyes flutter closed as Hannah’s touch sends pleasure shivering over her skin. 

“Come here,” she murmurs, tugging Hannah down so they’re cuddled under the covers, her legs intertwining with Hannah’s as she presses a gentle kiss to her temple. 

“I’m so glad I have you.” 

“Says the woman who just rescued me from the parking garage in the middle of a breakdown,” Hannah laughs softly, her fingers curling under the hem of Cassie's shirt, automatically seeking her warmth. “God, I love touching you.”

Cassie wiggles closer to Hannah so she can nibble at her neck. 

“I have to agree,” she says, sliding her hands under Hannah’s shirt to smooth over her belly and span over her waist. “Your skin is like silk,” she buries her face in Hannah’s neck “and you always manage to smell fucking amazing.” 

“Well, right now I smell like you, so I'll agree with that,” Hannah murmurs distractedly, shivering under the warmth of Cassie’s hands. Her own slip higher, fingertips tracing up Cassie’s spine as her head tips in encouragement.

Cassie hums against Hannah’s skin as she feels the other woman shiver against her. She loves the way Hannah responds to her touch, shivers and sighs at the lightest touch, and she smooths her hands firmly against her skin, tracing the tip of her tongue along her neck. Knowing she can make Hannah respond like that fuels her own need. 

“Cassie,” Hannah breathes, arching a little, heat skittering under her skin to settle low in her stomach. It's such a simple thing, but knowing now what Cassie feels like, how she sounds, makes everything feel like so much _more_. Her hands glide higher, nails dragging carefully over the contours of Cassie’s shoulders, mapping the now-familiar territory. “Baby, I love your mouth.” 

Cassie feathers her fingers over Hannah’s neck as she licks and nibbles at the skin there. The press of Hannah’s body against her heats her own skin, and she pulls Hannah’s hips closer to slot against her own. 

A soft, needy sound escapes Hannah’s throat and she can't resist the impulse to shift against Cassie. Her hands dip, following the slope of Cassie’s back to tease at the base of her spine, slipping just barely under the waistband of her sweats.

“I love how you sound, just like this,” Cassie murmurs, as her hand slips under Hannah’s shirt to smooth her thumb along Hannah’s ribs just under her breast. She presses open mouthed kisses to the spot on Hannah’s neck that she knows always elicits a response. 

Hannah feels herself flush even as she arches into Cassie, another less quiet moan spilling past her lips. One hand abandons Cassie's waist to cradle her head instead, fingers twining through Cassie’s hair.

“God.” She moves again, angling against Cassie’s hip, need pooling fast and low.

Cassie’s hands are slightly rougher as Hannah’s moans send heat crackling over her skin. She palms her breast, pressing a thumb over the peaked nipple as she bites lightly at Hannah’s pulse point, catching the skin gently between her teeth, careful not to leave a mark. 

“Baby,” she breathes, yanking Hannah’s thigh up over her hip and arching into the heat there. 

It's not until Hannah slides her hand over Cassie’s ass to tug her hungrily closer that she realizes she's already shaking. She tugs just a little at Cassie’s hair, shifting restlessly, the friction and Cassie’s teasing drawing an almost constant stream of breathless, desperate sounds from her lips.

“Please,” she gasps, not even sure what it is she's begging for. She just wants more--of this, of Cassie.

Cassie groans as Hannah moves desperately against her, the heat and want steals her breath, and she flips them over, desperate with need. Her knee slides between Hannah’s legs and she grinds against her as her mouth drops to her neck and her hands move to pin Hannah’s wrists to the mattress. 

“Fuck, baby,” she moans, bending down to lick over her collarbone. 

The sudden shift is exactly what Hannah needs, even as she struggles against Cassie’s hold, testing. She arches against the welcome pressure of Cassie against her, and the shuddering burst of pleasure it sends through her is instant. Her head drops back as her eyes close, and Hannah can barely find enough air to make a sound. Cassie hasn't even touched her and she's already on edge. Were it anyone but Cassie, Hannah might've been a little embarrassed, but right now, she doesn't particularly care.

“No,” Cassie says simply, giving Hannah’s wrists a squeeze before her teeth scrape lightly over the thin skin across Hannah’s collarbone. She moves to her neck again, nibbling at the spot under Hannah’s ear. 

“I want to undo you, just like this,” she whispers against her skin, and her breath hitches as she moves against Hannah, desperate for more of her. 

“Jesus, Cassie,” Hannah moans. She rocks more insistently against the other woman's thigh, the sound of Cassie's breathing, the feel of her, dragging her to the edge, holding her there for what feels like an agonizing eternity. “God, baby, tell me please…” She doesn't make a habit of begging for permission, but there's something about Cassie in control like this.

Cassie feels the telltale tingles across her skin as Hannah moves against her, desperate and begging. Cassie’s breathless in her own pleasure, but she brushes her lips against Hannah’s neck and leans in to whisper in her ear.   
“I want you to come for me baby.” 

The pleasure coiled in Hannah’s stomach snaps and she breaks, bowing under the weight of Cassie, breathing her name. Heat courses through her in waves, leaving her boneless and shivering as she struggles to catch her breath. “Fuck, baby…”

Cassie throws her head back and moves against Hannah, her own release not far behind. The pressure builds and releases in a wave of hot pleasure that has her shuddering and moaning before she collapses weakly beside Hannah. 

“Jesus.” she manages, pressing her lips clumsily to Hannah’s temple. 

“Mmmm, now I need another shower,” Hannah says, giggling as she reaches for Cassie’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “I like you bossy.”

Cassie brings their joined hands to her mouth and brushes her lips across the top of Hannah’s hands. 

“Hmmm, you do huh? I can keep being bossy.” Cassie murmurs playfully, using her free hand to stroke Hannah’s hair gently back from her forehead. 

“Since we both need a shower and all…” Cassie tugs Hannah up. 

“Don’t get too excited. I seem to recall you liking me bossy, too,” Hannah teases, letting Cassie lead her into the bathroom. She’s already dropped her shirt on the floor before she thinks about how easy it was to do it. Cassie’s standing right there, the light is on, and now Hannah’s scars are on full display. The panic and the dread don’t come, the disgust doesn’t come, either. Instead, there’s only relief and maybe a little pride. It leaves her standing there, a little dumbfounded. 

“Oh, you mean when you nearly killed me? Yeah I vaguely recall that being spectacular,” Cassie retorts with a grin. She notes Hannah’s slight pause and understands immediately. Her smile gentles as she steps back to her to take both her hands. 

“You’re so damn beautiful it takes my breath away,” she murmurs. 

“You’re something else, you know,” Hannah muses, tracing Cassie’s cheek tenderly. “How you make me feel is...God, I don’t even know. Amazing? Miraculous?” She’s still not sure what to do with all of it, how to make space for this part of herself, but she’s trying.

Cassie flushes with pleasure and leans into Hannah’s touch. “I love you baby. I know people aren’t supposed to save people, but I think you saved me just a little bit,” she confesses before stepping back to turn the knob on the shower. 

“I think there’s been some mutual saving going on.” Hannah watches Cassie a minute before shimmying out of her pants, too, and then the reality of Cassie naked and wet against her in the shower catches up to her and Hannah has to remind herself to breathe. She shivers in the cold air and reaches for Cassie’s shirt again. “Someone’s wearing way too many clothes…”

Enjoying her, Cassie blinks innocently and raises her hands above her head. 

“Oh no, if only there was something we could do about that,” she says, grinning, as her eyes rove hungrily over Hannah. 

“Obedient, yet sassy,” Hannah observes with a playfully arched brow. “See, now I don’t know which one I like better...Good thing I don’t have to choose.” She tugs Cassie’s shirt over her head and wastes no time in drawing Cassie close, savoring the soft heat of skin on skin. “That’s better…”

Cassie chuckles and slips out of her sweatpants, making sure to wiggle suggestively against Hannah in the process. 

“You’re right, much better.” She kisses Hannah, fierce and needy, before drawing back. 

“You're a tease, Conner,” Hannah purrs, nudging Cassie toward the now-steaming shower. “That's not a complaint, to clarify.”

Cassie pulls Hannah along with her as she steps into the spray. The water slicks over both of them, and Cassie skims her hands over Hannah’s hips. 

“Hmmm, I like you wet and slippery,” Cassie says, and then leans in, her voice low and purposefully playful. “I mean that both ways.” 

For all of the teasing, Hannah's not quite ready for the feel of Cassie against her like this. Whatever saucy response she might've found a minute ago is promptly lost to the way Cassie’s skin slides against hers, frictionless and hot. An undignified whimper escapes before she can stop it and Hannah finds herself blushing just a little.

Cassie’s skin flushes with heat at the soft sound Hannah makes, and she kisses the touch of pink that appears on her cheeks. The dichotomy between the woman who could kill a person 13 different ways, and the one who blushes in front of her, causes a well of tenderness to swell in her chest. 

“God baby, I just adore you so much.” 

Hannah laughs softly, covering her face.

“I’m glad. I’m kind of smitten, in case you couldn’t tell,” she murmurs, sliding her arms around Cassie’s waist. “For the record, I like you wet, too.”

Cassie smiles and nips at Hannah’s bottom lip.There’s a bottle of lavender scented shower gel that she squeezes out on her hands before massaging it slowly over Hannah’s neck and shoulders. 

“Hmmm, tell me more gorgeous,” she teases. 

Melting under Cassie’s hands, Hannah hums.

“I just love knowing I can do that to you. I love how you feel under my fingers, how incredible you taste.” She smooths her hands up Cassie’s sides and then over her breasts, savoring the soft slickness. “And God, how you sound.”

Cassie’s eyes glaze over as Hannah’s hands smooth over her skin, and she has to shake her head slightly to clear it as it goes hazy with desire. 

“Hannah,” Cassie breathes, pressing a soft kiss to her lips as her hands roam over Hannah’s water slick skin. 

“Just like that,” Hannah purrs, shivering even as she teases over Cassie’s nipples. “Just hearing you say my name makes me ache for you. Not just anyone can make me come without touching me.”

Cassie’s breath thickens as she leans in to kiss Hannah again. 

“I love touching you, knowing I can,” she murmurs, her legs going weak at the slight teasing. 

“You can do whatever you want to me,” Hannah says, realizing how true that is. The trust and love she feels for Cassie isn’t anything she ever expected to feel. Her tongue teases over Cassie’s lips, dipping between them and then retreating again as her fingers continue their exploration.

Cassie recognizes the trust, and it touches her heart as she kisses Hannah. She lingers on Hannah’s lips, savoring the taste of her, and the soft sounds she makes. Hannah’s light touch has her craving more of her, and she steps behind her, taking a second to press her cheek to Hannah’s shoulder before moving both hands up to cup her breasts. Cassie leans into Hannah, cradling her close as she massages her breasts gently, teasing the stiffened peaks with her fingers. 

Hannah shudders, a soft breathy moan slipping past her lips. Somehow, having Cassie at her back, though it means she’s not looking at the scars, feels incredibly intimate, and Hannah’s heart races. Needing more of an anchor, she reaches back for Cassie, her palms slicking easily over the outsides of her thighs, aided by the water pouring over them. The angle of her shoulders has her chest pressing further into Cassie’s teasing fingers, and she can feel herself growing instantly wetter. 

Cassie continues the gentle teasing, dropping her head to kiss Hannah’s shoulder. She can feel Hannah’s breath coming faster, and she increases the pressure slightly, using her thumbs firmly over Hannah’s nipples. 

“Baby,” Hannah breathes, tipping her head back against Cassie’s shoulder. “You’re killing me.” She rakes her nails carefully up Cassie’s thighs and over her hips, pressing her ass back, addicted to the way Cassie feels against her. “But you know that, don’t you? You know exactly what you do to me.”

One of Cassie’s hands drops to Hannah’s hip, and grips tightly there in an attempt to steady herself as Hannah’s touch sends heat shivering along her skin. 

“I can’t stop touching you,” Cassie murmurs, relishing in the feel of Hannah soft and pliant against her. She squeezes lightly at Hannah’s nipple while her other hand strokes softly on her belly, her fingers dipping and teasing lower, inches from where she knows Hannah wants her. 

“God.” Hannah grips Cassie’s wrist to steady herself, tipping her head to nuzzle Cassie’s cheek. “Please, baby...I need you.” She’s already breathless and dizzy just from this. Everything about Cassie touching her is still novel and Hannah’s already sensitive enough.

Cassie moves her hand lower, tracing her fingers lightly over Hannah for a moment before moving away again. She grips her hips lightly, nudging her foot along Hannah’s instep, urging her to spread her legs as she works her hands over her breasts. 

“What do you need?” 

Hannah whines a little pathetically, fighting the urge to grab Cassie's hand and tug it between her thighs.

“Touch me,” she pleads. “I need your fingers, need you inside me.”

Her earlier orgasm had done nothing but stoke the heat pooling low in her belly. 

“You should feel how wet you're making me.”

Hannah’s words fuel the heat inside her, and Cassie slides her hand down between Hannah’s legs, stroking her fingers lightly over her. 

“God baby,” Cassie murmurs as she slips her fingers inside Hannah, pressing the heel of her hand against her as she moves inside her in a torturously slow rhythm. 

The welcome pressure draws a gasp and a shudder, until Hannah registers that Cassie has no real intention of giving her what she wants just yet.

Her fingers slip around Cassie's wrist before her nails rake up her arm, a soft whine echoing in the confines of the shower.

“I love when you tease me,” she admits in a trembling whisper.

“Yeah?” Cassie asks, her breath thickening. Wetness seeps between her legs at the thought of Hannah desperate under her touch. She stills her hand, withdrawing her fingers slowly, brushing around the sensitive nub as she turns Hannah to face her. Cassie stares at Hannah’s flushed face, eyes dark with desire, and kisses her again, pressing her up against the cool shower wall. 

The tile against her heated skin has Hannah hissing and arching and slipping her tongue past Cassie’s lips. Her palms skim over Cassie’s curves, over her hips and her stomach and her breasts, which only spurs her need.

“Fuck, baby.” Her hips roll into Cassie, seeking more friction and pressure. She knows from how Cassie sounds, how she's breathing, exactly what this is doing to her too, and her mouth waters at the thought of tasting her, at making her come on her tongue.

Cassie trails her fingers feather light over Hannah’s water slick skin as she arches against her. Hannah’s tongue drives her wild, and for a moment Cassie forgets the intention to tease and draw out Hannah’s pleasure until she’s shivering under her touch. Her fingers dig into Hannah’s ass as she bows up, reveling in the feel of Hannah’s softness against her. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Cassie murmurs a little breathlessly, gentling her fingers and skimming them up Hannah’s sides as her mouth comes to the spot under her jaw. 

Hannah moans, tipping her head back, palming Cassie’s breast almost distractedly, teasing at the nipple with her thumb. Her knee slots between Cassie’s thighs, pressing up against her.

“Fuck,” she breathes. “You’re soaked.”

A gasp catches in her throat as she rocks against Hannah’s thigh, pleasure jolting into her system. She’s blind with desire for a moment, moving mindlessly, her lips skimming clumsily along Hannah’s neck as she arches her breast into Hannah’s hand. 

“That’s all you baby,” Cassie says, a shaky moan slipping from her lips. 

With unsteady fingers, Hannah slips between her thigh and Cassie, stroking against her a couple times before withdrawing, bringing her hand to her mouth to suck the wetness from her skin with a low groan.

“God, I love tasting you,” she says, ghosting her lips over Cassie’s as she speaks.

Cassie let’s out a pathetic sound at the loss of Hannah’s touch, and she grabs a fistful of Hannah’s hair before crushing her mouth to hers. The taste of her lingers on Hannah’s tongue. 

“I can’t stop wanting you,” Cassie murmurs, biting lightly at Hannah’s bottom lip before easing her back and bringing her fingers between Hannah’s thighs, using slow firm strokes, as her mouth drops to her breast. 

“Good,” Hannah chokes out, shifting against Cassie’s fingers, arching further into the wet heat of her mouth. 

The coil of need in her stomach winds tighter until she's shaking between Cassie’s body and the wall. Her hands grip blindly at Cassie’s shoulders and some small, coherent part of her brain is aware she's leaving marks behind, but in her want, she can't bring herself to care.

“So close…” 

Cassie eases her hand away, and lifts her mouth from Hannah’s breast as a coy smile curves her lips. 

“You like being teased,” Cassie murmurs, skimming her lips along Hannah’s temple as she presses her hands to Hannah’s hips, pinning her firmly against the wall. Her own need makes her a little impatient, a little rough, but she bites back on it, as she kisses her way softly down Hannah’s body, grinning against her skin at each tremor. 

“Jesus, Cassie,” Hannah moans, whining as she fights against Cassie’s hold on her, knowing it's fruitless. “Baby, please…” 

She cards her fingers through Cassie’s water-slicked hair.

“I’ll give you anything you want,” Cassie says, as she keeps one hand anchoring Hannah’s hip to the wall and uses the other to slide her fingers inside of her. Her mouth lowers over Hannah and she laps softly at her. 

“Just maybe not right away,” she whispers, slipping her fingers out of her, and kissing her softly right at her center. 

“Fuck.” Hannah tips her head back against the wall and carefully shifts her weight to drape her leg over Cassie’s shoulder, opening herself further to the torture of Cassie’s mouth and her fingers. “I meant what I said, you can do what you want.”

She looks down, meeting Cassie’s darkened eyes, the sight stealing her breath.

Cassie shifts closer, easing Hannah open as she does, using her tongue to trace gently over her. 

“I love the taste of you,” Cassie says, edging higher to take on some of Hannah’s weight as a hand comes to her thigh, anchoring her. 

She slides her fingers back inside her, moving them as she watches Hannah’s face. 

“Your mouth is incredible,” Hannah whispers, raspy and low. “I think about it all the time.”

She tightens purposefully around Cassie's fingers, tilting her hips slightly to take her deeper. The slight change in angle makes her shudder almost violently and Hannah exhales sharply as her fingers tug gently at Cassie’s hair.

“Take what you need from me baby,” Cassie breathes, kissing along the skin of her belly before covering Hannah with her mouth again, increasing the thrust of her fingers. Her hand releases Hannah’s hip to press lightly on her belly, stroking the skin there. 

“Oh my God,” Hannah breathes, slowly rolling her hips, countering the steady, deep press of Cassie against her, inside her. 

For the slow build of her pleasure, Hannah breaks remarkably fast, crying out, Cassie's name mingling with half curses and wordless whimpers until everything ebbs, leaving her shivering and panting, boneless and sated.

Cassie slips Hannah’s leg from her shoulder and stands, holding her lightly against her as she strokes along her hair and down her back. 

“You’re so damn perfect,” she murmurs, her lips skimming over Hannah’s. 

It takes a minute for Hannah to find her words. Everything’s still a little hazy and all she can do is kiss Cassie back and let her hands roam.

“Perfect’s a stretch,” she whispers finally. “You’re just really, really good at that.” When she tries to straighten up a bit, Hannah finds her knees are still a little wobbly, so she settles again. “Maybe too good. Not that your ego needs much stroking.”

Cassie grins, not bothering to hide the edge of cockiness as she holds Hannah a little more solidly against her. 

“I have been known to make a few ladies weak at the knees,” she says playfully, but her gaze goes soft when she looks at Hannah. 

“I think you might be the only woman who makes me go weak at the knees,” she confesses. 

“Better be,” Hannah murmurs affectionately, cradling Cassie’s cheek. “Kinda hoping you’re all mine.”

It’s been years since she’s worried about losing someone. A small flash of fear threatens to lodge itself in her chest but she pushes it away. It’s in her head. Cassie is here and looking at her like that and it’s enough.

Cassie leans into her touch, keeping her gaze steady on Hannah.   
“No one else could even come close, you’re my whole heart,” she says. She tugs Hannah away from the wall, warming her under the spray as she kisses her again. 

The dread recedes entirely at that and Hannah relaxes again, coaxing Cassie’s lips apart with the tip of her tongue, barely teasing between them as her hands slide down Cassie’s back.

“I love you,” she whispers against her mouth. “So damn much.”

“I love you too,” Cassie murmurs, closing her eyes at Hannah’s touch as she deepens the kiss. 

Hannah lets Cassie push a little but not much, intentionally keeping things light and teasing. She keeps one arm anchored around Cassie’s waist and brings the other up to trace the curve of her breast, circling the nipple with her fingertips. 

Barely calmed desire rushes back with such force Cassie arches a little desperately into Hannah. 

“God baby I need you to touch me,” she groans, her fingers digging into Hannah’s hips as she nips hungrily at her lip. 

“Come to bed,” Hannah purrs, because the water’s cooling and she wants to take her time breaking Cassie apart until she can’t anymore. She reaches past Cassie to turn off the water and wraps a towel around her before finding one for herself. She can’t resist kissing her again, just one more time before stepping out of the shower, offering Cassie her hand.

Cassie squeezes the water from her hair and grabs Hannah’s hand, following her into the bedroom. She drinks in the sight of Hannah’s long bare legs under the towel, and her mouth practically waters. 

“I need those incredible legs of yours wrapped around me,” Cassie murmurs, tugging lightly at Hannah’s towel as she brings her closer. 

“So not conducive to me making you come,” Hannah says, biting her lip and grinning as she lets the towel drop. “I mean, you can have whatever you want. I’m just pointing that out.” She nudges Cassie to sit on the edge of the bed and crawls into her lap, legs splayed around her hips. “This work for you, baby?”

Cassie’s laugh goes breathless as she grabs Hannah’s ass, tugging her closer. 

“Anything you do to me works for me” she says, fisting her hand in Hannah’s hair to tug her mouth down and cover it with her own. 

Hannah deepens the kiss immediately, curling her fingers around the back of Cassie’s neck while her other hand returns to Cassie’s chest. She circles her nipple again before dragging the pad of her thumb over the stiffened flesh as her tongue twines with Cassie’s.

Cassie arches up, moaning against Hannah’s mouth as pleasure shoots straight into her core. Her fingers dig briefly into the taut skin of Hannah’s thighs, and then her palms skim up them, molding over the slender muscles there. 

Her skin is burning, and she’s desperate for more as she tugs Hannah against her, panting slightly. 

“Something you want, Cassie?” Hannah laughs softly, breaking from Cassie’s mouth to kiss down her neck. She rolls Cassie’s nipple between her fingers, pinching lightly, deliberately rocking her hips forward, though the angle does nothing but tease them both.

Cassie jerks at the touch, her head falling back as Hannah’s mouth leaves a searing trail down her skin. 

“You know damn well what I want,” Cassie says with a laugh that ends on a moan. Her fingers squeeze at Hannah’s waist. 

“God, touch me, I need you to touch me.” 

Hannah grins even as she nudges Cassie back, lifting up on her knees to follow after her. With one hand braced next to her head, Hannah slides the other down between Cassie’s thighs.

“I am touching you,” she purrs, barely grazing Cassie’s skin.

Cassie bows up, a desperate sort of whine leaving her lips. She opens her legs in invitation as her hands come up to smooth along Hannah’s sides. 

“Hannah you damn tease,” she groans, “god I fucking love it”. 

“Can't help it,” Hannah says, watching Cassie intently, still teasing. “Kinda love you like this…” She wets her lips reflexively, dragging the tip of her middle finger along Cassie's entrance, not quite dipping inside.

Cassie hisses out a breath. Pleasure grows hot and heavy between her legs and her walls clench in anticipation. Her hands grow clumsy on Hannah’s skin as she moves to cover both her breasts, reveling in the silky softness. 

“Please… Hannah,” she chokes out. 

“Begging already?” Hannah grants her a small reprieve, sinking two fingers into Cassie all the way to the knuckle, stroking inside her, slow but firm. She lowers her mouth to Cassie's, sucking at her top lip, drawing it between her teeth.

The slight scrape of Hannah’s teeth against her lip intensifies the pleasure of Hannah inside her, and she bucks her hips impatiently as her hands smooth up Hannah’s neck and into her hair, still wet from the shower. 

“Fuck baby.”

“Easy,” Hannah whispers between kisses, though she relishes the way Cassie moves under her. “I'll take care of you. Promise.” Her fingers move again, withdrawing almost entirely before sinking in again. This time, her hand twists enough to press her thumb to Cassie's swollen nerves.

Cassie gasps out a moan, and even in the blindness of desire something soft curls around her heart. There’s trust here, and for the first time she lets herself go completely, her hands dropping limply to the mattress as she gives herself over to Hannah. 

“I’m yours,” she murmurs. 

“Good girl,” Hannah whispers, sweetly kissing Cassie’s cheek.

She's seen Cassie a lot of different ways, but not like this--pliant and trusting. Despite the need between them, Hannah recognizes there's something more here.

“I love you, sweet girl. I've got you.” 

She sets a steady rhythm, lowering some of her weight onto Cassie as her hand works between them.

“You feel so good, baby,” Hannah moans.

Cassie’s head falls to the side as she cants her hips up, seeking more of Hannah. Her weight feels just right, safe, and pleasure feathers across her skin as she breathes Hannah’s name. She feels the tightening, deep inside her, as the pleasure reaches its peak.

Kissing slowly down the side of Cassie’s neck, more tongue than anything, Hannah rubs slow circles over her clit, twisting her fingers deep, stroking just how she knows Cassie likes.

“That's it,” she murmurs against Cassie’s throat.

The combination of sensations undoes her as a wave of hot pleasure rolls over her, and makes her cry out, Hannah’s name a breathless sound on her lips. Her walls tighten like a vise around Hannah’s fingers as she bows up, shaking with release. 

“God, Hannah.” Cassie melts back into the mattress on a sigh. 

“Mmm, I love doing that,” Hannah murmurs, still just barely moving her fingers, just to feel Cassie shiver. “Don't think I'll ever get over it.” She trails lazy kisses across Cassie’s shoulder and up her neck, wherever she can reach without moving too far.

Cassie groans, stretching languidly as Hannah’s fingers send shuddering aftershocks through her system. Her hands move up to stroke along Hannah’s skin as she presses her lips to her hair. 

“I’m not complaining,” Cassie manages, blinking a little as her system settles. 

“It’s only, like, 10pm,” Hannah realizes, catching sight of the alarm clock on the end table. She eases her fingers out of Cassie and traces her thighs instead, too entranced with touching her to stop completely. “It feels so much later. Work tomorrow?” She’s lost track of what day it is and her brain is too fuzzy to figure it out just now.

“I can barely remember my damn name, my work schedule is a mystery,” Cassie mutters, but she’s smiling as she draws Hannah up to her, tucking her head under Hannah’s chin. Her fingers feather over Hannah’s belly, tracing along the outside of the scar there, and she nuzzles at Hannah’s neck. 

“”Hmmmm, it’s Tuesday today, so yes, work tomorrow.” Cassie says a little regretfully, as she tugs the covers over them.


End file.
